Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Sunrise

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sunrise

Every single morning I wake to the sunrise. This is a new phenomenon for me, having recently moved to a new city with a new view. Shockingly, even without me witnessing it, the sun has still been rising every single day.

Last night I was out for my evening walk with Eli and happily playing my made-up game of surrender. The rules are simple: I don’t choose which direction to walk; I follow the crosswalk signals only and we eventually find our way back to our building. I’ve had so much fun wandering in this way, following the lights and learning all sorts of things about the downtown streets and where they might lead me. Except last night’s game took an interesting twist when I disobeyed my own rules.

Thirty minutes into our adventure and approaching our next intersection, I distinctly felt pulled in the opposite direction of the current walk indicator light, so I decided to mix things up a bit and waited for the light to change, then followed my intuition. Within a few minutes we happened upon a small group of people gathered together, lovely music was being sung, and there was an excited energy permeating the square. We paused our walk to take a closer look and a lovely woman asked if I would please take her picture. Taking strangers’ photos is one of my favorite things to do, so agreeing was easy, but there was something about her, something in her eyes, something she needed and couldn’t speak, and I asked if I could also please give her a hug?

She silently nodded and as I embraced her she began to gently cry and I held her, making it safe for her to feel whatever she was feeling. I soon learned more about my new friend and the source of her tears and how my crossing her path was a gift for her.

I consider my breaking of my own rules to follow the light inside of me (rather than placing a greater value on the walk signals) to have been the highlight of my day. I was able to turn a game of “what’s next” into an awareness that “who’s next” is much more important.

When I get distracted by my own invented significance and become so focused on what I’m doing and what I’m creating and where I’m walking it’s as if I’m existing in my own cloudy haze and I neglect to notice the sun is always still rising and giving light despite my personal clouds.

When I quiet my notion that my agenda matters and look up and look inward, my clouds disperse and I see my own light is always still shining and showing me what to do and what to create and where to walk and with whom to connect and what to say. I also notice that same light exists within everyone around me, whether they see it or not.

Positive psychology expert Shawn Achor has outlined five essential daily tasks that together comprise the formula needed to live happier and more productive lives. And number five on that list is: deliberately perform random or conscious acts of kindness once a day.

Shockingly, even without you acknowledging it, your internal light still shines every single day. Light up the world and disperse the clouds around you by consciously losing yourself in some daily acts of kindness.

Good things happen and lives are impacted when you intentionally shine your light.

loving you,
arminda

Relationship Building

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Oftentimes our business relationships are so far removed from the way we maintain and nurture our personal relationships we forget what makes our personal relationships so meaningful: connection.

What would it look like to treat our professional relationships with the same level of attention and purpose as we do our personal relationships? How might that affect and impact the bottom line?

What if connection is code for service?

Give Away Your Essence

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Give Away Your Essence

As I was driving to the studio for my workout with my trainer I was listening to Rich Roll‘s Finding Ultra, a book I’ve wanted to read for years now and I’m so happy to finally be in it. A few minutes from arriving, I listened transfixed as Rich described the first day of his EPIC5 Challenge, completed with his friend and training partner Jason Lester, in which they set out to complete 5 Ironman-distance triathlons on five different Hawaiian islands in five days. This was a challenge they created for themselves, without mass media coverage or competitors from around the world; they weren’t even competing with one another, the goal was to finish together with their volunteer crew to mark the event.

At a very quiet and dark 3:00am start time on May 5, 2010, the island of Kaui still asleep as they began their 26-mile run with their crew leader snapping a photo to mark the event. A few miles into their run a woman in her car pulled up alongside of Rich and Jason, slowed down to keep pace with them and told them she’d heard what they were doing and wanted to come see for herself and to wish them luck, and her parting words were, “make us proud!” Not long after, they encountered a police cruiser, lights flashing, and the officer shouted out, “Aloha! Looking good, boys! Keep going!” as they passed.

As their first day progressed, Rich & Jason were joined at various times of their run, swim and bike stages not just by onlookers and well-wishers, but by locals who participated in their event for whatever length of time they were able. And Rich kept noticing how not alone they were, even though that’s what he’d expected for their not having publicized or alerted the media to their challenge. Emotional as I listened and felt the spirit of this story, my tears celebrated the beauty and humanness of service, in all its shapes and sizes, the love that is each of us, and I pulled into my parking space, eager to work out for the next 30 minutes.

My trainer gave me an easy warm-up: three sets of 10 left foot, 10 right foot, and 10 together with the braided heavy-weighted style jump rope. This is a fun warmup that I’ve done multiple times and the game for me is not stopping between the foot switch, to make it seamless. Except this time I miscalculated the distance between my left foot and the rope and on the tenth underpass, my left foot rolled with the rope and my entire body came down on that ankle. Hard. I screamed in pain as my body assumed fetal position and my brain didn’t communicate to the tear ducts to produce tears until the hands of my trainer physically turned my body over and I was surrounded with love.

My tears flowed as his gentle loving hands held me from behind and reassured me that I am safe. My tears flowed as two more pairs of gentle loving hands cradled my throbbing ankle to assess the damage. Together these hands all lifted me and gently relocated me to a safer space and wrapped my foot with their love and I felt how not alone I am, and my tears celebrated the beauty and humanness of this service, this love that is each of us and the awareness that we’re all just walking miracles, anxious and eager for any opportunity to give away the very essence of who we are: love.

I don’t want my life to be defined by what is etched on a tombstone. I want it to be defined by what is etched in the lives and hearts of those I’ve touched.”           — Steve Maraboli

Be the Universe

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Be the Universe

Modern-day coliseums are massive structures. They come by their size and design honestly. The Arena in Verona was built in the 1st century. It predates the Colisseum in Rome and is a massive structure that standing inside its walls boggles the mind. While coliseums today are used for a variety of cultural events and places of gathering, ancient times were no different. The most popular — and most expensive — events held at arenas were the gladiator games, which were sponsored by politicians and wealthy aristocrats originally as a religious rite to honor the death of a loved one. The idea that a life for a life allowed for safe passage of the deceased in the underworld and they believed the lives of the slaves used in the gladiator ritual were valued less than that of the life of the loved one who had passed.

Eventually the religious meaning and overtone of the gladiators’ spectacles transitioned into a much more secularized vehicle for securing votes and/or maintaining popularity status among the citizens. In preparation for the games, event staff would cover the floor of the coliseum with sand because sand would absorb feces, urine and blood, all of which were in abundance during said event. The Latin word for sand is harenam and over time this word became synonymous with the structure and today we still use a derivation of the Latin when we refer to an arena.

Roman citizens LOVED everything about the gladiator games: the gore, the blood, the fight to the death, the fascination of death by any means, the spectacle, and the voice they shared in the fighters’ destiny (because if a gladiator requested his life the crowd collectively voiced their opinion and the loudest vote won).

Mob rule. Hysteria. Peer pressure. Ambulance chasing. FIRE! Rubber necking. Popular vote.

Does any of that sound like a modern experience?

I’m sure the ancient Romans loved the games because they didn’t see themselves as participants, only spectators. They had nothing to worry or fear. It was all fun and entertainment for them. And the gladiators? I’m sure they lived in fear for their very lives every single day they were in captivity and in training. It’s noted there were times gladiators took one another’s lives in the barracks where they lived and trained, in the most humane attempt they could access, to preserve themselves from the spectacle of the games and their imminent and horrific deaths once they entered the arena.

Do you ever feel like a Roman citizen with a ticket to a game in your hand, caught up in the energy of the crowd, pulsing with the opinion of the masses, exhilarated to be part of something bigger than yourself, a perfect seat with an excellent view of what’s unfolding in plain sight, but far enough away it can’t possibly touch you or those you love.

And do you sometimes feel like a gladiator, sand strewn at your feet and what training you’ve been given is all you have as you step into the arena each day, engulfed with that feeling of complete and utter aloneness and you can barely squeak out, “Help,” because you are frightened, scared, unsure if you are surrounded by friends or foe.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. — Henry David Thoreau

While visiting the Collisseum’s busy gift shop I lost sight of my eighteen-year-old, which wasn’t a big deal except I wanted to give her the water bottle I’d just purchased for her. Standing next to another choir mom I laughingly said, “I can’t find my daughter!” Immediately a little boy of about 9 or 10 (in full search and support mode) grabbed my hand and said to me, “It’s okay. Tell me exactly what she looks like!” My heart instantly filled with the miracle of love and the access we each have to love no matter where we go, no matter what age or size of person — the universe is always supporting us and providing for us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. And sometimes that support comes in the form of a child leading the way and reminding us that everything is always okay and if it doesn’t feel okay, help is only always a vocalization away.

Speak your truth. Feel your feelings. Ask for what you want and ask for what you need.

Be a listener. Be available. Be a helper. Be a safe space. Be accessible. Be open. Be a light. Be a reminder. Be a friend and a friendly face. Be a hand to hold. Be the help. Be the YES. Be the miracle. Be you. Be love. Be the universe for those around you.

loving you,
arminda

Your Essentials

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Your Essentials

Whether you’re going on an extended trip or just across the hall into the conference room for a presentation, make sure you’ve packed exactly what you need.

Your internal toolkit contains all your essentials:

  1. Personal Theme Song
  2. Laughter
  3. Signature Dance Moves
  4. Neutral Lenses
  5. Service Mindset
  6. Creative Outlook
  7. Love

#1 Personal Theme Song

Absolutely never ever leave home without this. You might have a different theme song for each day of the week, or for different experiences (making sales calls get one song, while presenting to your team has another). Stop whatever you’re doing right now and tell me your theme song!

#2 Laughter

Life is way too important to be taken seriously. Just ask my friends Steve & Jason of The Not So Serious Life; they regularly share their not serious opinions on all sorts of serious issues. And Bernie Glassman offers great advice in The Dude and the Zen Master:

“Let me give you a wonderful Zen practice. Wake up in the morning…look in the mirror, and laugh at yourself.”

#3 Signature Dance Moves

No one needs to see you. You don’t need to see you. Move. Just dance.

#4 Neutral Lenses

Remember that information is neutral until you assign meaning to it. See people and situations and experiences as if you’re gathering information; don’t interpret any of it too quickly.

#5 Serve

Serve at your earliest inconvenience. Serve from your heart. Serve without expectation of return. Serve because you love, not because you want. Your daughter asks you to play with her just as you’re on your way to a serious (see #2) business meeting? Drop and give her ten minutes.

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth:
“You owe me!”

Look what happens with
A love like that!

It lights the whole sky!
— Hafiz

#6 Creative Outlook

What if you don’t know all the answers? HOORAY! What if the solution that worked last week no longer makes sense? HOORAY! What if you’ve been tasked with a seemingly-overwhelming project for which you feel completely unprepared? HOORAY! What if none of your hand-outs were printed and you don’t know it until five minutes before your presentation begins? HOORAY!

Given your situation, what would you like to create? 

#7 Love 

Robert Holden is my go-to guy on all things love-of-self-related. If you’ve not yet read his book Loveability, I recommend it immediately.

“Everyone we see is seen through the filter of our self-awareness. Therefore, how we see ourselves — loveable or unloveable — influences what we see in others.”

Love isn’t on your packing list as optional; it’s the one thing to be sure you grab if you run out of time and nothing else gets into your bag. Love is the essential.

Let me know if you’re unsure where it’s located or why it’s so important.

Loving you,
arminda

Serve It Up

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Serve It Up

Red Eye Flying

Ever taken a red-eye? They’re not my personal travel preference. But I’m so glad I was on this particular overnight flight.

There were just the two of us: me next to the window hoping to use said window to my sleepy advantage, and the complete stranger seated next to me on the aisle. No talking, just a brief hello and goodnight as we both did our best to comfortably position ourselves for an attempt at a five-hour rest.

Sometime around 2:00 in the morning, between awkward (and not very restful) head jerking sleep, I was awakened by my seat mate abruptly leaping to his feet and I watched him successfully catch a fellow passenger who fainted in the aisle next to him. After flight attendants had been summoned and the ailing passenger assisted back to his own seat (and administered oxygen), my seat mate calmly sat down again and fastened his seat belt and smiled at me as he apologized for waking me.

A bit wonder-struck at all I had just witnessed, I only smiled and assured him all was well. We said goodnight again, and both fussed around unsuccessfully to find another sleep position, and a moment later he invited me to use his shoulder. He said we both might sleep better propping each other than trying to figure it out alone, and at 2:15 in the morning, who can argue with that logic?

I slept soundly until the wheels touched down three hours later.

Fast Track Tip #4

And here is my fourth tip for you to instantly increase your emotional well-being: SERVE.

Service opportunities are rarely convenient, oftentimes they’re not fun (although not having fun is not a prerequisite to qualify for service), and they usually require a tradeoff of time for something else you’d rather be doing. . . until you show up for your service opportunity.

My airplane friend demonstrated selfless service — at the “inconvenient” hour of 2:00am — and because of his service a complete stranger was helped and I was gifted the most restful sleep possible in a most “inconvenient” and undesirable circumstance.  He also generously donated his in-flight blanket to me after witnessing me shiver (for longer than normal humans).

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”  ― John Holmes

When I’m feeling sad, sorry for myself, lonely, upset, and generally hanging out at the bottom of my ladder, laughing, singing, and dancing are certainly useful tools for improving my emotional well-being, but acts of service have a magic all their own: they get me outside of myself.

Being outside of myself allows me to see how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to choose my interpretation of the events of my life. And when I see that I’m the one choosing to be miserable (every time), I make better choices.

If you were to serve at your earliest inconvenience AND to do it regularly, what might that do for your emotional wellness? What would you choose? What acts of service ignite joy in the gifting for you?

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”
― Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery

If you want to be happy, be of service to others.

015: Marylou Falstreau on Loving Yourself

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Marylou Falstreau Interview on Loving Yourself

The All Arminda Show

Marylou Falstreau
Marylou and I met on Twitter and I’m so incredibly delighted I reached out to her and even more delighted that she agreed to speak with me! May your experience of her work be similar to my “heart response” when I saw her art.

During this episode, Marylou and I talk about the significant work she’s doing impacting women’s lives through the visual medium of her art and why she started the Women and the Hourglass series of paintings that resonate so powerfully with women.

Each message, each woman, is pointing her finger at me and saying, ‘Wake up, Marylou! Make a different choice! Make a different decision!’

Addiction has been part of Marylou’s family story and her personal journey and learning about addiction led us into a deeper discussion around what it means to love ourselves and what practices we can implement to remove the foreign concept of love into a practical application and a regular practice for ourselves.

Marylou is most interested in living a life of truth telling, allowing others to tell their stories, their heartaches, to talk about getting better, learning more, waking up and being in conversation about that from an authentic point of view.

Marylou’s Excellent Advice

  1. Be real.
  2. Be honest.
  3. Tell the truth.
  4. Love ourselves so we can love others.

Be sure and look at Marylou’s gorgeous artwork on her website.

Let’s Talk About Goals

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Let's Talk About Goals

Steve Chandler said,

It’s not what a goal IS that matters; it’s what a goal DOES. So when you think of this goal, what does it do for you? Your goals are creations; you create goals to serve yourself. The goal is supposed to serve you.

WHAT?!!!!

Back up. Rewind. Reread.

No wonder we get discouraged and don’t feel excited about the novel we committed to write, or the gym membership we paid to use, or the sales number we pulled out of a hat, or the company projection we’re anticipating, or the global domination we intend to execute.

When you think you’re not motivated to act on that goal it has little to nothing to do with you; it’s the goal, itself. Chances are you set the goal because of what it represents and not for what it does.

I’m all about vision and creating amazing things AND I know I can’t jump farther than I can jump.

Let me put it another way: If I’m not walking around excited about what I’m creating and in the act of DOING it then I know my goals are clearly under the IS column and not the DOES column.

Right now is a perfect time to review your goals. Are they serving you, or is it just a goal for the sake of being a goal?

LITMUS TEST

Are you looking for ways to motivate yourself toward actively accomplishing your goal?

Do you feel “less than” or embarrassed because you’re not working toward your goal?

Does looking at or thinking about your goal incite fear, frustration, overwhelm or excuses?

SOLUTION

Create a smaller goal that DOES for you what a self-help book never will: keeps you in action in your own life.

That, my friend, is serving you.

#thatwaseasy

014: Melissa Ford on Service Interview

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Melissa Ford on Service Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Melissa Ford Service Interview

Melissa Ford is remarkable. No, seriously. She’s one of the most amazing women I know, and I know a lot of amazing women. It was such an honor to talk with her about service and to gain clarity around this widely misunderstood behavior and quality.

On the (rather early) morning of our scheduled conversation, the first thing Melissa said to me was

I would only get up this early for Arminda or Santa Claus.

And that is a high praise I’m taking to the bank!

My recommendation is that you listen more than once and really let sink in these refined nuances of what service really means and allow yourself time to identify areas in your world (professional and personal) where you can make some adjustments.

What You Will Discover In This Episode

  • Widely misunderstood definition of service = means giving and giving and giving with expectation of nothing in return
  • Lots of expectations built into that model & it drains your energy, makes you small and your business doesn’t grow
  • This definition doesn’t work, especially when I need clients and money
  • Operating under this definition creates resentment, manipulation and strategies to get something back
  • True Definition of Service = Giving/helping/loving fearlessly without attachment to an outcome
  • Money is part of service.
  • Can’t serve unless people are willing to pay for your product or service
  • Nobody values anything if it’s free
  • Must include yourself in the equation of service
  • Service and love mean letting go of your ego = that’s true power
  • Love for a living because love does pay the mortgage
  • Love expresses itself in many ways; there is not just one version of love

Melissa Ford Bio

Melissa Ford, Business Coach, JD, PCI Certified Coach

As a coach, transformational speaker, entrepreneur and lawyer, Melissa brings deep insights, laser focus and diverse, rich experiences to her clients. For over 20 years she has been empowering people (entrepreneurs, small business owners, executives, parents, individuals) to create positive, permanent change in their lives, enabling her clients to do more and to have more.

You can find Melissa on her website and on Facebook.

Safe Spaces

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Safe Spaces

Life (and jobs and assignments and relationships and health and family and college acceptances and the weather and deadlines and cab drivers and uneven sidewalks and flight delays and . . . .) is full of unknowns and “I didn’t see that coming” moments.

Sometimes those life moments are yours to experience and sometimes those life moments are yours to witness. And whether you’re experiencing life from the “is this really happening to me?” seat, or from the observation deck, there are choices you get to make about how you show up.

If you’re in the moment, look for safe spaces (literal and figurative) in your world and be willing to ask for help — even if from complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when you get closer.

If you’re on the observation deck, look for opportunities to be the safe space for others — even for complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when they get closer.

I recently saw a phrase that struck me profoundly:

If the path ahead of you seems clear, you’re not on your path.

Each of us is progressing at our own pace, doing the best we can with what we have, and when those moments happen — either to you or in front of you — choose to connect with others and not to go it alone or to leave others alone while they are in their own moments.

We are together here on this planet for a reason; connecting illuminates our similarities, strengths and our natural ability to love one another, no matter what.

Ask for help. Connect. Serve. Love.

Look for and be a safe space wherever you are on your journey.

My gratitude to Eddy and John of Boston Fire Department Engine 8 for being just such a safe space for me.

allarminda.com | 2024