Self Forgiveness

September 22, 2016 By Arminda

In response to the article I wrote about self-judgement I recorded this video to support you in your efforts to walk through the steps of forgiving. Remember, this is a practice and should be treated as such. It will likely feel foreign and perhaps even weird or uncomfortable at first, but keep going. Don’t give up after your first attempt. And let me know if you’d like some additional support; sometimes it’s perfect to have someone else guide you through the process. You can email me at <coach @ armindalindsay dot com>.

Loving you,
arminda

Judgment Just Hit The Fan

September 19, 2016 By Arminda

Let’s Get Personal

Today I want to share something much more personal than I’ve shared in previous posts. I want to talk about what I know about judgment, particularly self judgment, and the consequences of those judgments.

I’m notoriously hard on myself and often catch myself berating and belittling Me for choices I’ve made, for behaviors I’ve displayed, and lately, for feelings I’m experiencing. I don’t think I’m alone in this, but you decide where you are on the self-beratement scale while I continue my personal sharing.

Today marks the start of my third full week alone; I said goodbye to my college freshman daughter on Tuesday, August 30, and flew home by myself on Wednesday, August 31, so I’ve been with this aloneness for 18 consecutive days now.

In these past 18 days I’ve had oral surgery, recovered from said surgery, cleaned my house of “extra” furniture, staged my home to look like it’s perfectly clean and tidy 100% of the time, listed it for sale, packed up my 52-pound dog and driven around town every time strangers requested to look inside our space, maintained my client schedule, stuffed my humidifier into my dirty clothes hamper because I kept forgetting to put it in the attic as it’s too personal an item to have out when you have prospective buyers in, officially went under contract with a buyer, found a new place to live and made a deposit, freaked out about whether the new place was the right place and spent hours looking for a different new place only to realize the new place where I made the deposit is still the right place, read three books, learned the second year of my course in Spiritual Psychology is no longer being offered this year, watched a lot of internet tv, wrote daily, and constantly missed my daughter.

My Judgments About All of That

I judged myself for the way I looked post-surgery
I judged myself for how much time it took to feel “normal” post-surgery
I judged myself for how much unnecessary stuff had accumulated in my house over the past 12 years of living here
I judged myself for how little time I was spending with my clients because of all the other directions in which I was committing my time
I judged myself for not having put the humidifier away a long time ago AND I judged myself for not having sanitized it yet
I judged my judgment on my choice of where I’m living next
I judged myself for not having read more than three books — how will I ever get through my list and be the best coach if I’m not always learning?
I judged myself for not having a plan in place when the university emailed me about the delay in my planned course of study
I judged myself for watching so much tv and for wasting my life and all this time I now have
I judged myself for writing while I was tired and for probably not writing while at my best
I judged myself for not getting over missing my daughter
I judged myself for feeling lonely
I judged myself for wasting this amazing new chapter of my life

I’ll stop here with the judgments. I think you get the idea.

Judgment Truths

There are some very important truths about judgment that once understood help me avoid the trap AND it’s easier for me to reroute myself when I’m heading down the self-judgment path.

Judgment of any kind, whether of self or of others, can only create separation. Consider a time you’ve judged someone else as being wrong, hurtful, out of line, or inappropriate. How did you feel toward that person alongside your judgment of them? Cozy? Close? Warm? Affectionate? No?! You likely distanced yourself emotionally, mentally and/or physically. That’s because judgment creates separation. But only every time.

I’ve been in such severe judgment of myself these last couple of weeks and I’m not surprised at the amount of internet tv I’ve been watching; I don’t want to be with myself because I’m so disappointed in my behavior that I keep looking for ways to get away from me. The more I judge myself for what I’m not doing, the more I don’t do those very things for which I’m judging myself. Vicious.

Judgment also creates physical exhaustion. It’s no surprise that I have been completely wiped out these last 18 days! I can hardly get out of bed in the morning and can’t wait to fall into bed at night. The other day I took a three-hour nap late in the afternoon and was in bed asleep by 10:00 that same night. Judging myself is hard work and it takes its toll on me in a very physical way.

Forgiveness

When I recognize I’m in a pattern of judgment, I slow myself way down. I work with my coach to identify the source of the judgment: my personal why. And as soon as I see it: the real reason why I’m so upset, the judgments tend to unravel themselves one at a time. Once I see my upset up close and personal, I can work with that and drop all my judgments in the process. And when I drop my self judgments, I can forgive myself for judging myself. That’s a beautiful process, forgiving myself, because only then am I able to see the truth about Me, the truths that up until now were taking a beating in their effort to be seen and heard and experienced. And the truth statements are the best part. I speak those out loud because I need to hear them, to be reminded of what is true, of who I am BEing.

My Truths

The truth is, I’ve been doing the best I can these last 18 days.
The truth is, I’ve been doing a lot more than I’ve allowed myself to see.
The truth is, I’m grieving the absence of my daughter and it’s okay to feel sad and lonely sometimes.
The truth is, I’m making a lot of life changes and the decisions that are required are going to feel bigger than they are.
The truth is, I can just have fun with all of these changes because they’re only as serious as I make them.
The truth is, I’m doing great.
The truth is, everything always works out for me.

Thank you for allowing me to share my personal experience with self-judgment. I know I’m not alone in this habit. If there’s something I’ve shared that is particularly helpful for you, please use it. And if there’s a judgment you’re carrying that you’re struggling to forgive and turn around into a truth, please email me <coach @ armindalindsay dot com> and share it with me so I can support you in your work. You can drop the judgment. I promise.

Loving you,
arminda

A Pirate’s Life For Me

August 15, 2016 By Arminda

Once upon a time I bought a brand new mattress. And just a few short months later I came home to discover my neurotic, anxiety-ridden, beloved dog Eli had artistically rearranged my mattress and created a hiding hole for me to use inside of that brand new mattress, which hole would be especially handy should I decide to become a pirate.

Did I get upset? For a moment, yes, before I considered why Eli might have gifted me with his reimagined version of what a mattress could look like or do for me.

Since I had no immediate plans for piracy, I set about re-stuffing the mattress and as it turns out, every bit of fluff that came out of the mattress fit right back in again and a little bit of duct tape over the opening held it all in place.

Have you ever had a catastrophe strike? At work? Or home? Or personally? Not likely. You only think you’ve had catastrophes. My mattress makeover was never a catastrophe, except in my mind. My upset was a reaction to a belief I made up in my own head.

Upset is a choice, not a consequence.

Yes, I could be angry at Eli, but what would that prove or fix? The mattress wasn’t ruined, just redesigned. Was it useable? Completely. The best course of action for me to take in my estimation was to connect better with Eli; to understand why he’d dug the hole so I could then support and love him beyond the fear that caused the behavior in the first place.

I like to remind myself that nothing outside of me causes my upsets. And when I find myself in an upset, the best course of action for me to take is to connect better with myself, to understand the internal hole I’m standing in so I can support and love myself beyond the fear that caused the triggering event in the first place.

Don’t throw out the mattress; it’s 100% useable. That hole is not a catastrophe. Your upset is not the end of the world, nor is your upset anyone’s “fault.” Unless you have plans to stash buried treasure and strike out as a pirate, quietly, slowly and intentionally put your fluff back and get some duct tape to hold it in place.

And if you find yourself in an upset more often than you care to admit, and before you blame the dog, may I encourage you to quietly, slowly and intentionally put your arms around yourself and give a squeeze. Remind You that everything is okay and whatever holes feel empty inside of you are fillable; your fluff might be a bit scattered, but it isn’t lost.

Loving you,
arminda

Caesar Salad

June 27, 2016 By Arminda

I love a good Caesar Salad; the one I make at home is my favorite. Wait. Actually, the version I make is the only Caesar Salad I ever eat. I’m particular that way. Julius Caesar, as it turns out, has nothing to do with our obsession with Caesar Salad. The man credited with the creation of said salad is an Italian-born chef named Caesar Cardini. Stories conflict with the exact reason Chef Cardini threw together the exact ingredients he did, but regardless of the reason, in the early 1920s an amazing salad was born.

Julius Caesar, as it turns out, was so popular a ruler in Ancient Rome that after the senators decided to murder him they had a public outcry on their hands to which they had to respond quickly before the widespread displeasure put them out of their jobs. Their solution? They agreed to cremate Julius Caesar in the public forum and then they deified him.

And on the site where the 23 stab assassination took place now stand three trees.

It’s the trees I want to discuss.

I don’t know what variety of tree they are — all over Rome are planted amazing umbrella pines, but I believe they’re also this same beautiful evergreen.

I come from a large family with seven siblings. My mom was always having a baby — or so it seemed. More significantly, each time a baby joined our family, my father planted an evergreen in that child’s honor. These trees were special focal points in our yard as we watched them grow through the years alongside the child for whom the tree had been planted.

Just like the three trees in Rome impress upon me their significance because of the point in history they represent, the trees my father planted with love to commemorate the birth of new members into our family fill me with love and gratitude.

And just like the trees in Rome or in my dad’s yard, you also have visible (to you) plantings you have made at the most significant moments in your life.

1. What are those moments?
2. What did you plant to commemorate the event?
3. How do you feel when you look at those internal trees today and the growth you’ve experienced since they were planted?
4. How can you acknowledge yourself for your own historical significance?

Make yourself a big bowl of Caesar Salad and catalog your own historical significance.

Do more than casually consider a moment and call this exercise complete.

Really ponder and consider which parts of your history are most significant and why. Write it down. And after you feel your list is complete, read it out loud to yourself, or talk through each event and why it made the final list. Then really acknowledge yourself for where you are today as a result of how you’ve grown.

Loving you,
Arminda

016: Gary Mahler & A Woman’s Sovereignty

March 3, 2016 By Arminda

Gary Mahler & A Woman’s Sovereignty

The All Arminda Show

Is it unusual that I’m bringing in a man to talk about women? Not this man, methinks 🙂

What can you look forward to learning?

The woman who knows her power and isn’t afraid of being and showing herself to the world — the world changes because of her

That value, sovereignty, inheritance resides within each of us — and only our stories get in the way

Unless and until I love and value myself, will I be the sovereign of my life and when I step into that value I will bless everyone around me because I don’t need them to be love because I already am love

Loving ourselves is such a deeply powerful experience and you’re the only one who can do it

How to Increase Your Power

Notice what you do and who you be
Choose different
Take actionable steps to live the life you imagine
Choose you

Future Vision Exercise

List all the things you’re grateful for (read daily)
Write personal “I am” statement (read daily)
Live it

Choosing YOU

This is who I say I am, now I only have to choose it
Know your value
Create your sovereignty
Be around men who appreciate everything you bring
Be who you need to be and you’ll attract the right sort of men

Gary references both Steve Hardison & Steve Chandler, remarkable men who have impacted countless lives with their love and service.

Gary’s Bio

Besides women’s surf retreats, we create bespoke events for team building, leadership work, and executive groups: 3 day events in Malibu & 5 day events in Hawaii.

Gary works with highly-driven people to do that thing they want with all their heart, that thing they might not know how to describe yet. That thing that scares the hell out of them.

He challenges how his clients see themselves, think about themselves and believe in themselves. Gary firmly believes and lives the principle: when you change the way you think about yourself and you change the way you behave, your life WILL transform. He will never, ever let you forget what you tell him is important to you. When you are ready, he’ll be your Life’s Purpose Operations Manager, building your dreams together.

010: Christina Berkley Interview

November 20, 2015 By Arminda

Christina Berkley Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Christina Berkley embodies power in the most loving context and it was an absolute honor interviewing her.

I know you’ll love this candid discussion around power and how we define it, relate to it, use it and shy away from it.

If you’re curious at all about this sometimes nebulous force, enjoy all that Christina has to say and I feel certain you’ll come away with a different perspective and some tools you can use right now to shift your own sense of power within.

If you’re interested in connecting with Christina, she’s a coach and speaker living in New York City. Her clients are extraordinary beings and leaders in their lives. Whether she’s working with moms, politicians, celebrities, musicians, activists, entrepreneurs, coaches etc., she is madly interested in each person’s unique expression and capacity to change themselves and the world.

The search and evolution of Power has been central to her life. Although she’s trained with some of the best coaches and teachers alive today, her greatest learnings have come from living on the edges, both on purpose and not. Her mission is to pass on that wisdom and get people connected to their own infinite reserves of power, tremendous capacity for love, and to help them wildly succeed in their businesses, and prosper along the way.

Loving you,
arminda