Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Don’t Double Waffle Me!

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Don't Double Waffle Me

The Scene

Florence provided so many delicious eats, which usually meant gelato for my daughter and fruit for me since I’m highly allergic to dairy. One sunny afternoon we were ready for a taste of something and wondered what to get for my treat since we had yet to find any vegan gelato in Florence. At that very moment our noses were filled with the most delicious and sweet aroma as we walked past a shop that sells customizable waffles! What?!

The Setup

We immediately went inside and I ordered a waffle. The salesman asked if I wanted a topping, pointing to a variety of options, most of which were off-limits to me with my dairy restrictions. I settled on mixed berries and shaved coconut, slowly explaining “no milk, no cream” for me, and I was getting excited to taste my concoction. He nodded in agreement, scooped a generous spoonful of berries onto my waffle, sprinkled coconut on top of that and then turned his back to me and I realized he was smothering the entire waffle, berries & coconut with whipped cream. I called out to him to stop and he turned to look at me perplexed and I smiled and said again, “No cream!” He then proceeded to scrape off the cream, as if to give me the waffle once creamed now sans cream, and I smiled, shook my head, and said, “No,” knowing I can’t have the traces of any dairy at all. Visibly disgruntled, he set the entire creation aside and made me a new one, much to my satisfaction.

The Showdown

Meanwhile, Lindsay was building a fabulous option for her own eating and our two finished waffles were placed side-by-side on the counter. Just as I was reaching into my wallet for money, the salesman placed a second waffle on top of each of our waffle masterpieces — creating two waffle sandwiches. Baffled, I looked at the menu board, quickly perusing the options and there, listed as the most expensive option, was the “double waffle,” which neither of us had requested, nor had we been asked if it was wanted. These were two very assumptive counter clerks. I immediately said, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” The two top waffles were removed, I then paid what we owed and we left the shop waffles in-hand.

We were delighted with how delicious the waffles tasted, given how stressful it had been to get exactly what we wanted, particularly because I was clearly, slowly and deliberately communicating throughout the entire process, and might as well not have been for all they weren’t paying attention.

The Scrumptious

It is imperative to always always always use your voice in loving kindness and in your power but use your voice. Communicate, express, create, share, acknowledge, request, but use your voice. Your power is amplified when you use it. You are the only one advocating for you. Don’t wait for someone else to speak your truth; you’re the only one who knows it.

When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. — Shannon L. Alder

And if you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s voice? Hear it. Acknowledge it. Validate it. Celebrate it. No one says you have to agree, but listening is a gift of the greatest and noblest kind.

As W.H. Auden reminds us, “All I have is a voice.”

Use the voice that is yours.

Also, you can now use the catchy phrase, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” whenever you like; it applies in all sorts of situations.

You’re welcome.

Loving you,
arminda

Shading & Highlighting

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Shading & Highlighting

Throughout Italy we encountered artists everywhere: on sidewalks, in city squares, and outside of famous landmarks. They had lots of their pieces displayed, allowing their work to speak for itself while they continued creating, seemingly oblivious to passersby. Following a particularly strenuous climb to Piazza Michelangelo, which boasts panoramic views of the city and a bronze replica of Michelangelo’s David, my daughter and I walked to the farthest reach of the square, noticing only the gorgeous views provided of the city of Florence stretching out as far as we could see in front of, and below, us. It wasn’t until we turned around to contemplate David that we noticed the piazza was teeming with artists and vendors of every kind.

My attention was drawn to one particular artist’s work and I began searching his paintings for the one that might speak to me. Intent to create a customer, the artist started recommending watercolors I had yet to see and still nothing was the right one. As if on cue, the artist turned to a folder he kept at his seat and opened it for my benefit. Inside were two or three dozen more watercolors, each spectacular. It was inside that folder I found the watercolor I’d been seeking and when I told him I’d take it, the artist immediately dropped to his knees and began adding to the piece.

I was shocked and delighted. I thought it was perfect when I found it in that folder, but to the artist, the piece was not yet complete, and I watched him lovingly put the finishing touches on his work, his painting, his creation, before gently turning it over to my care.

We are each of us responsible for our own creation. The creation of you. And only you — through your artist’s eyes — can see where and when some additional work might need to be done. No one else gets to decide that. Others might make suggestions or provide feedback (sometimes requested and oftentimes not) but only you can see what you’re creating and what your ending might look like.

A word of caution: don’t be so caught up in the long-term view you neglect turning around to see what’s right in front of you. And just like my artist friend in Piazza Michelangelo knew his creation needed some additional shading and highlighting, you, too, might see some corners that could use some softening and some talents that desire to shine.

Art is about rearranging us, creating surprising juxtapositions, emotional openings, startling presences, flight paths to the eternal. –Rosamund & Benjamin Zander, from The Art of Possibility

You are a magnificent work of art. Display yourself. Pay no attention to the passersby. Keep creating.

Loving you,
arminda

Willing to Bloom

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Willing to Bloom

Nothing in the universe thinks there is anything wrong with you. 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

I love living into my magnificence and supporting others in their desire to do the same in their lives. Those “others” are my loved ones: my family, friends, neighbors, clients, workshop participants, retreat attendees, readers of my articles, viewers of my videos, vendors, store clerks, peers, classmates, followers on social media, and anyone with whom I come in contact.

What does it mean to live into your magnificence? To be exceptional? It means you are open to continuous expansion of self and that expansion is achieved through a willingness to surrender your belief system, to be open to another story, another possibility, to be vulnerable.

How do you commit the surrender? You expose your old stories, one at a time, and write new ones. You own your vulnerability. You face your fears. You make courageous self-honoring choices rather than constantly seeking to please those around you. You see that you cannot possibly be in service to others without first being willing to be in service to yourself.

“Can you see what’s really happening here? You are the actor in your own story, but you are acting as if your story about you is a biography, not an autobiography.” 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

What does this surrender look like? 

  • not resisting
  • not defending
  • not justifying
  • not hiding
  • not puffing
  • not pretending
  • not covering up
  • not excusing
  • not deferring
  • choosing YOU

Dr. Brene Brown teaches that “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.” This living into magnificence takes courage, for it is a scary thing to face your fears. Why is that, you might wonder? Because fears cover up our deepest hurts and if our deepest hurts were to be exposed, well, that might be embarrassing, or painful, or lonely, or true, or all of the above! In fact, you might fear the greatest fear of all: that you’re not lovable or worthy.

“The real you is not afraid of love, because the real you is made of love.”
—Dr. Robert Holden

Dr. Ron Hulnick suggests that the easiest way to overcome a fear is to do the very thing that scares you while fully in your fear of doing it!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson)

Step into your fears. You are courageous. Liberate yourself from its grasp on you. Believe in your own magnificence and not in your limitations. Be willing to blossom. One petal at a time.

Loving you,
arminda

Be the Universe

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Be the Universe

Modern-day coliseums are massive structures. They come by their size and design honestly. The Arena in Verona was built in the 1st century. It predates the Colisseum in Rome and is a massive structure that standing inside its walls boggles the mind. While coliseums today are used for a variety of cultural events and places of gathering, ancient times were no different. The most popular — and most expensive — events held at arenas were the gladiator games, which were sponsored by politicians and wealthy aristocrats originally as a religious rite to honor the death of a loved one. The idea that a life for a life allowed for safe passage of the deceased in the underworld and they believed the lives of the slaves used in the gladiator ritual were valued less than that of the life of the loved one who had passed.

Eventually the religious meaning and overtone of the gladiators’ spectacles transitioned into a much more secularized vehicle for securing votes and/or maintaining popularity status among the citizens. In preparation for the games, event staff would cover the floor of the coliseum with sand because sand would absorb feces, urine and blood, all of which were in abundance during said event. The Latin word for sand is harenam and over time this word became synonymous with the structure and today we still use a derivation of the Latin when we refer to an arena.

Roman citizens LOVED everything about the gladiator games: the gore, the blood, the fight to the death, the fascination of death by any means, the spectacle, and the voice they shared in the fighters’ destiny (because if a gladiator requested his life the crowd collectively voiced their opinion and the loudest vote won).

Mob rule. Hysteria. Peer pressure. Ambulance chasing. FIRE! Rubber necking. Popular vote.

Does any of that sound like a modern experience?

I’m sure the ancient Romans loved the games because they didn’t see themselves as participants, only spectators. They had nothing to worry or fear. It was all fun and entertainment for them. And the gladiators? I’m sure they lived in fear for their very lives every single day they were in captivity and in training. It’s noted there were times gladiators took one another’s lives in the barracks where they lived and trained, in the most humane attempt they could access, to preserve themselves from the spectacle of the games and their imminent and horrific deaths once they entered the arena.

Do you ever feel like a Roman citizen with a ticket to a game in your hand, caught up in the energy of the crowd, pulsing with the opinion of the masses, exhilarated to be part of something bigger than yourself, a perfect seat with an excellent view of what’s unfolding in plain sight, but far enough away it can’t possibly touch you or those you love.

And do you sometimes feel like a gladiator, sand strewn at your feet and what training you’ve been given is all you have as you step into the arena each day, engulfed with that feeling of complete and utter aloneness and you can barely squeak out, “Help,” because you are frightened, scared, unsure if you are surrounded by friends or foe.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. — Henry David Thoreau

While visiting the Collisseum’s busy gift shop I lost sight of my eighteen-year-old, which wasn’t a big deal except I wanted to give her the water bottle I’d just purchased for her. Standing next to another choir mom I laughingly said, “I can’t find my daughter!” Immediately a little boy of about 9 or 10 (in full search and support mode) grabbed my hand and said to me, “It’s okay. Tell me exactly what she looks like!” My heart instantly filled with the miracle of love and the access we each have to love no matter where we go, no matter what age or size of person — the universe is always supporting us and providing for us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. And sometimes that support comes in the form of a child leading the way and reminding us that everything is always okay and if it doesn’t feel okay, help is only always a vocalization away.

Speak your truth. Feel your feelings. Ask for what you want and ask for what you need.

Be a listener. Be available. Be a helper. Be a safe space. Be accessible. Be open. Be a light. Be a reminder. Be a friend and a friendly face. Be a hand to hold. Be the help. Be the YES. Be the miracle. Be you. Be love. Be the universe for those around you.

loving you,
arminda

Pompeii’s Got Dirt

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Pompeii's Got DirtHistory First

Pompeii: ancient city best known for its notable volcanic ash covering it received on August 24, 79 AD, by the impressive Mount Vesuvius.

Pompeii: ancient port town lesser known for its impressive aqueduct system that pumped water throughout the entire city.

The streets of Pompeii were nightly flooded with water to clean them from the dust and dirt of the day’s activities, allowing for a clean start the next morning for its 20,000 residents. To compensate for the daily flooding, city planners used stones as crosswalks that could be used in times of high water to still cross a street by foot. The three stones you see pictured here indicate this road was a major thoroughfare in Pompeii. Less-trafficked streets had fewer stones across. Regardless of the street, the stones were all equally-sized and spaced to allow for chariots to pass through unencumbered. Visible today are deep wheel ruts from heavy chariot use on every street I walked.

Let’s metaphor.

Your Ruts

If you were to analyze your regular thoughts and behaviors — the ones you have without consideration or intention because you think or behave them every single day — what would fall into that category?

Have you been riding your mental chariot so frequently over the same roads that you’ve created ruts? I guarantee you that’s true. We sometimes refer to those as neural pathways. And those paths can run very deep. When we create neural pathways we don’t usually do so consciously.

Think of it this way: Imagine standing in the middle of a university campus with an extensive sidewalk system that provides access to every single building. However, as you look across the green spaces between the sidewalks you notice well-worn dirt paths that are the clear pathways walked by the students, natural paths connecting a shorter or easier distance between A and B.

This is exactly what happens inside your brain as you introduce a thought and think it over and over and over again. You’re creating new pathways, new patterns of thinking. Habits are created in this exact way until we no longer think about them, we just do.

Your Stepping Stones

And oftentimes, those patterns of behavior we’ve been running for so long and whose tracks run so deep, are not serving us, so we also lay stepping stones to justify, excuse or skirt around the thought or the behavior when needed. This skipping across the pathway is our way of avoiding getting wet when the guilt or the embarrassment or the self-judgment comes rushing through.

The accusations or awarenesses or the judgments can come from ourselves (most often) or they can come from someone else or from an organization or a cultural expectation that we don’t feel we are meeting. So we skip across them.

Your Dirt

We experience the guilt, embarrassment, and judgment as dirt, something that we shouldn’t have, but do and think skipping across the stones we’ve carefully placed and positioned will allow for a cleanse. Maybe this looks like yet another resolution to make a change, or a recommitment to doing things differently from now on. The skipping across can also look like defensiveness, self-justification, blaming others for where or why you are where you are right now, and all of these thoughts and behaviors are born out of fear.

Real Cleansing

Of the items on your list, can you imagine what it would feel like to cleanse yourself of any of them? To purge yourself of the weight of those behaviors and thoughts?

In my experience, creating a new neural pathway takes 33 consecutive days and I love making new trails in my brain!

The old wheel ruts will likely remain, but whether you continue using them is entirely up to you. If you give yourself some alternative routes to follow, you might just surprise yourself with how easy the new paths are to use.

If you’d like the digital calendar I created for myself and that I share with my clients, send me an email (coach @ armindalindsay dot com) and I’ll happily share the file with you. I use this to keep track of my daily path creation and by the time I’ve filled in the calendar, I no longer need it to remind me where to walk and what new behavior I’m employing.

I also offer a unique program that includes just two sessions with me for individuals in need of additional support in rewiring themselves from particularly difficult and long-standing behaviors that no longer serve them. If you’re interested in learning more about this highly-effective and individualized program, please send me an email (coach @ armindalindsay dot com) and tell me more about what’s going on and what behavior or habit you can’t seem to cleanse.

Choose to wash away any pathways that are no longer serving you and ride your chariot in a new direction.

Loving you,
arminda

Caesar Salad

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Caesar Salad

I love a good Caesar Salad; the one I make at home is my favorite. Wait. Actually, the version I make is the only Caesar Salad I ever eat. I’m particular that way. Julius Caesar, as it turns out, has nothing to do with our obsession with Caesar Salad. The man credited with the creation of said salad is an Italian-born chef named Caesar Cardini. Stories conflict with the exact reason Chef Cardini threw together the exact ingredients he did, but regardless of the reason, in the early 1920s an amazing salad was born.

Julius Caesar, as it turns out, was so popular a ruler in Ancient Rome that after the senators decided to murder him they had a public outcry on their hands to which they had to respond quickly before the widespread displeasure put them out of their jobs. Their solution? They agreed to cremate Julius Caesar in the public forum and then they deified him.

And on the site where the 23 stab assassination took place now stand three trees.

It’s the trees I want to discuss.

I don’t know what variety of tree they are — all over Rome are planted amazing umbrella pines, but I believe they’re also this same beautiful evergreen.

I come from a large family with seven siblings. My mom was always having a baby — or so it seemed. More significantly, each time a baby joined our family, my father planted an evergreen in that child’s honor. These trees were special focal points in our yard as we watched them grow through the years alongside the child for whom the tree had been planted.

Just like the three trees in Rome impress upon me their significance because of the point in history they represent, the trees my father planted with love to commemorate the birth of new members into our family fill me with love and gratitude.

And just like the trees in Rome or in my dad’s yard, you also have visible (to you) plantings you have made at the most significant moments in your life.

1. What are those moments?
2. What did you plant to commemorate the event?
3. How do you feel when you look at those internal trees today and the growth you’ve experienced since they were planted?
4. How can you acknowledge yourself for your own historical significance?

Make yourself a big bowl of Caesar Salad and catalog your own historical significance.

Do more than casually consider a moment and call this exercise complete.

Really ponder and consider which parts of your history are most significant and why. Write it down. And after you feel your list is complete, read it out loud to yourself, or talk through each event and why it made the final list. Then really acknowledge yourself for where you are today as a result of how you’ve grown.

Loving you,
Arminda

Growth Spurt

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Growth SpurtAs a little girl I experienced severe growing pains, particularly in my legs. I often woke in the night hurting so much I would cry out and into my room would come my father, with his soothing voice to calm me and take me in his arms to assure me everything was alright. I can still feel the exhaustion of my small body lying rigid and wracked with pain, hot wet tears forcing their way through my closed lids, dropping off the short cliff at the corners of my eyes, cascading into cold pools inside my ear cavities. My father would gently massage the calves of my legs with rubbing alcohol, all the while reminding me that everything was alright, that sometimes growing bigger can hurt, but the hurt wouldn’t last, and that my legs would be stronger in the morning.

At the time my own young daughter started experiencing growing pains of her own, she and I were living with my parents. When she cried out in the night it was my father who would go to her room, rubbing alcohol in-hand, with his soothing assurances of how okay everything was. Even after she and I moved into our own home, whenever the middle of the night pains showed up, my very little growing girl would phone her grandfather, waking him from his sleep, and he would get dressed, drive to our house (rubbing alcohol in-hand) and calmly put her back to sleep with his soothing reminders of how much stronger she would be in the morning.

I am so grateful to my dad for guiding me through the pain of physical growth and for showing me how to care for myself when I’m growing internally. What I understand today that was difficult for me to understand as a little girl in the middle of the night:

1. Massage elevates serotonin, dopamine & oxytocin levels. Serotonin and dopamine are neurotransmitters secreted in the brain and oxytocin is a hormone — all three of which are elevated through massage and touch! Studies on the benefits of each of these have shown lots of things, but primary to our discussion here is that increased levels of these naturally-occurring goodies is a promoted sense of well-being, contentment, and decreased levels of anxiety. Get a pedicure and ask for an extra long massage on your feet and calves. Schedule a full-body or neck and shoulder massage. Get a hug. Give a hug. This doesn’t have to be difficult or cost any money.

2. Growth sometimes hurts. While pain is not a prerequisite for growth, just know that painful growth moments are very normal. Hurt is not a singular episode; it recurs and shows up when it’s least expected and is rarely, if ever, welcome. Also know that everyone experiences hurt. Everyone.

3. The hurt won’t last. I promise; it won’t be forever. If you can relax and take deeper breaths, your attention will shift away from the severe pain and you’ll soon gain the slightest distance from the epicenter of hurt. Breathe even more deeply into that space and gain more distance. Repeat.

4. You are okay. Look around. Is there someone to remind you how okay you are? Someone who understands the hurt of growth because they’ve experienced growth, too? Someone who can hold the space for you to hurt or to hold you literally while you feel it all. (It’s very important that this person not judge your hurt, or justify your hurting through validating the actions of another person as “against” you.) Find that person. For me that person is my coach.

5. Sleep makes everything better. Being tired and hurting are a bad combination. There is perspective and understanding to be gained through proper rest. But only every time.

6. You’ll be stronger tomorrow than you feel today. In my most painful moments I have always remembered that tomorrow will not only be different, but better, as long as I don’t refuse the lesson the hurt provides me.

And always always remember, I’m here. I’m holding this space for you to feel all the feelings, loving you and believing in you and knowing that you are okay. Reply to this email if you need some personal encouragement and a reminder that you are simply experiencing a growth spurt.

What You Carry

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What You Carry

I travel a lot and I travel light, typically with only a backpack. I’m always reevaluating what and why I carry what I carry. My preference is to keep things simple for myself and to have only what I need. If I discover I really need something else, I purchase it on location, rather than carrying it “just in case.”

This practice allows for several things:

  1. Less weight
  2. Easier movement
  3. Increased flexibility
  4. My stuff is always with me

What You Carry

Weight matters and the longer the trip, the more aware of weight you become, particularly if you’re holding it all on your person. Weight also matters when it comes to the choices we make daily regarding what we “carry” with us as we go.

Grudges, offenses, disappointments, dislikes, distrusts, anger, hurts, negativity, self-righteousness, mean-spiritedness, unhelpfulness, judgments, not willing, and self-centeredness are all on the packing list for each of us at some point.

The Weight of the Matter

Imagine removing one of those heavier items from your pack. What would it feel like to no longer hold that grudge against your co-worker? Or what if you didn’t get upset when your ideas and solutions are dismissed, overlooked or disregarded? And what if that decision has nothing at all to do with you, anyway?

When you slowly and intentionally unpack what you’re actually carrying you might be surprised to discover all the extras you have in your bag. And when you examine and remove each item separately, you might also be surprised at how relieved you feel.

Additionally, you’ll find that carrying less weight allows you to navigate your days and weeks easier. You’re more flexible with your time and with yourself because you’re no longer using so much of your internal resources to avoid conversations, demand attention, gossip and spread your weight around as you seek validation and support for your decision to constantly carry it.

It’s Always With You

This is the double-edged sword of the packing predicament:

Whatever I pack, I carry.

When I pack only my essentials, and don’t worry or stress about the rest, I have the best trips. I’m carrying what I choose to carry — nothing more and nothing less.

Your choice is no different: what you are carrying, you’ve packed and are repacking it daily to take it again, regardless of need.

Growing up I had to pack my own lunch for school and I always packed the same thing: peanut butter and jelly sandwich plus some carrots. I loved that meal and I loved how simple it was. I never grew tired of eating the same thing every single day.

Do you love what you’re packing and carrying? Can you happily continue packing, carrying and using the contents of your emotional bag? Is there anything you’d like to unpack?

Let me be clear: you are the one who packs and carries for you. No one else is responsible for anything you’re carrying. If you’re carrying something you believe has been given to you against your wishes or without your consent and you can’t remove it, please reply to this email and tell me what it is.

With all my heart I want to encourage you to look even closer at that item and see whether what you’re actually carrying is your own opinion (negative or otherwise) about an experience. We can always work much easier on tidying up our own bags than reaching into someone else’s.

May your travels today and this week be lighter than yesterday’s trip.

Loving you,
Arminda

Self-Trust Deficit

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Self-Trust DeficitI am never surprised to learn that my clients don’t trust themselves; they subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) see themselves as liars. Lacking self-trust is so common that I see it in virtually every setting in which I work. The internal gap between trust and doubt is created by not keeping commitments and agreements with yourself. Over time, the more promises you don’t keep with yourself, the bigger that gap becomes. Eventually, your ability to believe anything you tell yourself is so diminished, you might not even set or keep goals at all.

Weight loss — who are you kidding? I’ve tried every diet and can’t last a week.
Taking time off — I know it would be good for me, but I have too much to do and bills to pay, plus I’ll get time and a half if I volunteer for the holiday weekend.
Spending more time with the family — Look, I want my team to know how important they are and giving them 24/7 access to me is a way for me to stay connected to them and what’s going on with our customers. I don’t think my family suffers from a few text messages during dinner.
Cleaning out the garage — I’ll get around to it eventually; I know I’ve been saying I’d do it for a while now, but when I’m off work I deserve a break!

Spending any time at all rationalizing and justifying your reasons for not following through and keeping your agreements with yourself is a great indicator that your reserves are low. Feelings of failing, being incapable, inadequate, unfit, not as good as, not meeting expectations, and/or unmotivated are common when that store of self trust has been depleted.

Most Important Point:

Know that you are not your failure or your performance.

A Simple Way to Rebuild Your Low Supply

Identify something that excites you right now that would be fun for you to do.

Start small. And by small, I mean really small. Before rushing out to commit to any programs, books or memberships, commit for today — just one day.

For example, if you’ve always wanted to lose weight, but feel daunted by the scope of the task, don’t set a weight goal that with the best of coaches would take you a year to achieve.

Simply decide to take yourself for a walk today. And that’s it.

Can you tell yourself you’re going to walk today and then do it? You’ve kept an agreement with yourself.

You’re amazing!

Now take a mental snapshot, a time stamp if you will, of this moment in time when you decided and went for a walk. This way, the next time that voice of self doubt comes forward (like tomorrow, for example), you need only flip open your mental file and access the  experience of walking yesterday in such a way that it informs today’s decision. You can remind yourself that you can trust you. You now have proof that when you trust yourself and when you trust your choices, you create exactly what you want.

Rinse, lather and repeat that tomorrow and then again the day after tomorrow.

Every day you need only decide today to take yourself for a walk.

Do not set a goal farther away than one day.

Remember, this exercise is for anyone whose self-trust is low or non-existent. The objective is to build your trust to a place from which bigger and bigger commitments can be made and kept.

Consider the reasons you may be in the position you are currently: it’s due to the fact that in the past, commitments were made and not kept, some small, many large and over time those withdrawals created the current deficit.

Also note this works in any setting: personal or professional. Tasks and goals and dreams exist within us and want to be realized. The steps outlined above will get you to a different place of building yourself as a resource.

If you’d like some support on your journey, send me an email <coach@armindalindsay.com> and tell me your new goal for today and why you selected it. I’ll email something back to you that might be useful for you.

Loving you,
arminda

Happen it Now

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Happen It Now

During a recent conversation with my friend and colleague, Melissa Ford, we were discussing the inevitable changes that come with life. In my case, my daughter is graduating from high school this week and in August will be moving to another city to begin university. This life change brings with it many emotions and opportunities for personal growth and expansion.

My family includes myself, my (about to leave home for university) daughter, and our dog Eli. As we have been confronting these changes and watching copious amounts of the Gilmore Girls (but please no spoilers, we haven’t completed the original series yet), we are experiencing a range of emotions that run the gamut of excited and thrilled for what’s next to freaking out that it’s happening so fast and life is going to be so different and scary because of all the unknowns.

Normal.

For years I’ve been saying that when my daughter leaves for school my plan was to pack up and move myself somewhere else. Destination TBD.

Two days ago during a friendly conversation with a friend, I casually mentioned my intention to move later this year. When asked my timeline and whether I intended to sell my place, I gave my typical responses: Sometime after September and undecided.

“Well if you’re going to sell, summertime is probably the time to sell,” was all she said.

What a revelation. My denial tactics had abruptly come to an end. This was all happening whether I admitted it or not. My daughter is actually graduating high school. On Thursday! And she is, in fact, moving to another city that I will have to reach by plane when I want to see her. In August!

I really challenged myself — was I “all in” with my decision to make some changes in my own life, or have I just been saying that to avoid deciding what’s next for me? If I’m all in, as my friend and colleague Chris Dorris reminds us (reply to this email if you’d like his audio program on commitment), the next steps become apparent as you take them. You don’t need to think about it; you just do.

When I slowed myself down long enough to question my position, my mindset, I knew my truth: I’m all in. I am decided. I made a commitment to ME.

So if you’re in the neighborhood or know someone interested in a lovely well-kept home, mine’s officially on the market.

Here’s to summertime and saying yes.

Because if it’s happening anyway, why wait? Jump in. Happen it now and create the adventure as you go.

Loving you,
arminda

allarminda.com | 2024