Writing – Page 2

Sell From the Top

March 14, 2016 By Arminda

Let’s play a little game of pretend. Picture with me that your emotional life is lived on a ladder.

If at the top of the ladder are joy and happiness, then you’ll find things like fear and obligation hanging out at the bottom.

In order to “win” this pretend game I just made up, you’ll need to be aware of some rules:

Your objective is to move yourself as far up the ladder as possible
The more time you spend in the top half of your ladder, the better you’ll feel toward yourself and toward others
All of your interactions with clients (family & friends) will have the best outcomes if the other “players” are also as far up their ladders as possible
The only person you can move up or down the ladder is yourself
There are four fast tracks* to the top of the ladder; you are free to use any of them alone or in combination

The best sales advice I can give you is to sell from the top of the ladder. If you come from a place of fear and worry and needing the sale (bottom of the ladder), then your prospect intuitively knows it and won’t buy. Ever.

Move yourself up the ladder. Come from joy and pure service (not a variation on a theme of service) and you’ll astonish them every time.

*Four fast tracks:

Feeling Stuck

March 7, 2016 By Arminda

Sometimes we feel stuck.

It’s completely and totally normal to feel stuck sometimes.

Please be kind to yourself if you’re looking down and experiencing stuck.

Please also don’t forget to remember that stuck is only temporary.

Here are some questions I like to use with a “stuck” client in our work to “unstuck” them and if they’re useful, please answer them for yourself.

Note: Before these questions can be useful for you, slow down your thoughts and don’t attach meaning to the feeling of stuck that you’re experiencing. It’s important that you not be in a place of judgement against yourself that “stuck” is bad and therefore nothing good can happen. Open yourself up to the possibilities these questions can provide for you as you answer them from the remarkable resource of your own resourcefulness and knowing.

Is it true that you’re completely and totally stuck?
From your vantage point, what do you see?
Is there any benefit to this that you’re able to notice?
How might you use this experience advantageously?
Given your current situation, what resources or options might be available to you
What would you like to create?

Your Inner Lily

February 29, 2016 By Arminda

Lily is a unicorn.

Lily likes to make things (like pickle fizzers and alien planet jumpers).

Lily likes making music and messes.

And Lily lives her belief that failing is only an opportunity to get back up again, that smiling is necessary, that traveling, exploring and making new friends are standard operating procedure, and that fun is waiting for her.

Only always.

What would you make, knowing pickle fizzers and alien planet jumpers have already been invented?

What music and messes are bottled up inside of you waiting to be unleashed?

What if failure is how you get there? What would that adventure look like in your world? Would you be collecting “No’s,” instead of “Yes’s”?

Smile — especially at the stuff that had you frowning yesterday.

Travel — to the ideas in your mind that excite you & keep imagining new ones.

Explore — ideas and options as if there are no bad or wrong ones.

Make new friends — particularly with someone you may not have noticed before today.

Create fun — because if you’re not having fun why are you doing it?

Always be a unicorn.

Always.

Commitment?

February 22, 2016 By Arminda

When I want a drink, I don’t hesitate and question my commitment to quenching my thirst.

I just sip and swallow until I’ve emptied my glass.

Easy.

I’m all in without question or hesitation.

My actions become instinctual as I go through the motions, no longer questioning purpose, intent, focus, or motive. I’m just doing it because I decided to do it.

Commitment is easy like that.

My colleague Chris Dorris recorded a fabulous audio program on the subject of commitment and he gave me permission to gift it to you. If you’re committed to listening, please send me an email: coach@armindalindsay.com and let me know you’re all in, and I’ll send you the link.

I also recommend you watch the Ask Arminda video I recorded on this same subject of commitment.

Are you all in?

Self Trust is a Thing?

February 15, 2016 By Arminda

Once upon a time a week ago we discussed the idea that goals exist to serve you and not, as is popularly thought, to cause guilt, consternation or overwhelm in your world.

In the past (that place Dr. Seuss so brilliantly describes as “the waiting place” in his classic, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!), you may have set a lot of goals, or a couple of doozies at a minimum, possibly even written them down and you certainly shared your objectives with at least one other person, then promptly didn’t achieve whatever you set out to do.

You may even have engaged in some self-talk:

I’m no good at keeping goals
I guess I’m not motivated enough
I don’t know how to stay consistent
I have a lot of good intentions
I start off strong
How do those “other” people do it?
I wish I was more like _____________
I guess I don’t have what it takes
I’m going to finish that someday

Why does any of this matter?

Because when you commit to a goal and don’t achieve it you are cultivating self distrust.

Land squarely in that space in which you create goals because of what they do for you, and you’ll be ready to reset your relationship with yourself.

When you commit to a goal and keep it you are cultivating self trust.

The habit patterns you are building by keeping your commitments with you increase your capacity to make and keep the next commitment and the commitment after that.

I’m Not a Marathoner, BUT

Runners don’t start by running in a marathon; they gradually increase their capacity to run 26 miles, so by the time the day of the marathon arrives they know they can cross the finish line with confidence because they’ve been running the distance incrementally for months in advance.

Build a relationship of trust with yourself step by step.
Scale back your goals; set reasonable ones.
Achieve one goal.
Rinse, lather, repeat.

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every other relationship in your life.

Keep your promises to you.

Let’s Talk About Goals

February 8, 2016 By Arminda

Steve Chandler said,

It’s not what a goal IS that matters; it’s what a goal DOES. So when you think of this goal, what does it do for you? Your goals are creations; you create goals to serve yourself. The goal is supposed to serve you.

WHAT?!!!!

Back up. Rewind. Reread.

No wonder we get discouraged and don’t feel excited about the novel we committed to write, or the gym membership we paid to use, or the sales number we pulled out of a hat, or the company projection we’re anticipating, or the global domination we intend to execute.

When you think you’re not motivated to act on that goal it has little to nothing to do with you; it’s the goal, itself. Chances are you set the goal because of what it represents and not for what it does.

I’m all about vision and creating amazing things AND I know I can’t jump farther than I can jump.

Let me put it another way: If I’m not walking around excited about what I’m creating and in the act of DOING it then I know my goals are clearly under the IS column and not the DOES column.

Right now is a perfect time to review your goals. Are they serving you, or is it just a goal for the sake of being a goal?

LITMUS TEST

Are you looking for ways to motivate yourself toward actively accomplishing your goal?

Do you feel “less than” or embarrassed because you’re not working toward your goal?

Does looking at or thinking about your goal incite fear, frustration, overwhelm or excuses?

SOLUTION

Create a smaller goal that DOES for you what a self-help book never will: keeps you in action in your own life.

That, my friend, is serving you.

#thatwaseasy

Blizzard Conditions

February 1, 2016 By Arminda

In the midst of a blizzard, traffic lights still blink red to green, pausing momentarily on yellow.

Yet there are no vehicles to pay attention, to slow down, to stop or to go. And if there were, the snowy conditions would most certainly impact the capability of those vehicles’ performance.

Are we sometimes like blizzard-bound signals — rotating through our three indicators assuming the traffic around us will heed our signals without question?

Do we keep flashing directions when there’s a blizzard swirling?

Stop.

Notice the blizzard.

Consider what messages you’re sending out on repeat.

Review your messages’ purpose and content in context of the current situation.

Ask for whom those messages are intended, and whether they’re being received.

Reinvent yourself from a blinking lamp that’s become irrelevant in the storm into the maker of snow angels, the spontaneous thrower of playful snowballs, the shoveler of new paths, the clearer of slippery stairways, the Zamboni of all icy surfaces.

Busy Signal

January 25, 2016 By Arminda

At the core of every single “issue” (professional, political, personal, and religious) is a dis-functioning method of communication.

Is there anyone in your world who’s upsetting you? Disappointing you? Not listening to you? Talking back to you? Ignoring you? Resisting you (or your ideas)? Not performing their job the “right” way?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. — Albert Einstein

Try a different connection; the one you’re currently using isn’t working.

Clearly.

Oh, and you’re the one with the faulty signal — in case that wasn’t clear.

Give me a call if you’re still getting a patchy line on that one.

I’m Upset Because. . . .

January 18, 2016 By Arminda

Sarah told me the following story from her childhood and with her permission I’m sharing it with you.

Sarah’s mother, Mary, had prepared one of her usual delicious evening meals and invited the five hungry children to the table to eat. Not long after they sat down, Sarah’s father, Dan (who had made a choice to visit the pub after work rather than coming straight home), entered the kitchen through the back door.

Dan was visibly irritated to discover the family eating without him and started loudly verbalizing his displeasure. Quietly and without comment, Mary began opening the kitchen windows one by one as Dan continued his rant.

Suddenly, as if only just noticing his wife’s activity, Dan shouted, “Why on earth are you opening all the windows?!”

Unfazed, Mary sat back down at the table, casually picked up her fork and replied, “I want to be sure the neighbors know how upset you are!”

Each of us is responsible for our own emotions.

Upsets (“I’m upset because. . . “) only occur inside of us. No one else can ever upset you, or make you angry, or disappoint you, or make you sad, or cause any emotional response in you. That’s all you. Only you. Every single time.

You have a choice every single time you find yourself in an upset:

1. REACT and blame someone or something else and see if that really feels good to you. Does it make you feel any better sitting in that discomfort and pointing a finger, validating all the reasons it’s not possibly your fault?

2. Take a deep breath and look inside yourself first (before you start pointing fingers) and ask yourself what’s really triggering you in this moment? Then RESPOND with awareness of your internal issue that simply wants attention and resolution.

Pema Chodron said,

You are the sky. Everything else — it’s just the weather.

Take back ownership of your emotional well-being. Resolve whatever triggers your upsets. Dance because it’s raining and notice the sun’s refusal to shine has nothing to do with you.

Feedback

January 11, 2016 By Arminda

The lens through which you choose to see your life experiences determines the quality of life you live.

And every single time you experience something you get to choose anew your response to said experience.

But only every single time.

Feedback is a highly effective way to grow ourselves and to positively impact the lives of those around us, both professionally and personally.

Too often we receive and give feedback from a negative emotional space. When on the receiving end we don’t want to hear something we perceive to be a negative judgement against us. When giving we have often already passed judgement against the other person and our feedback is couched in negative energy.

Feedback, however, is nothing more than information that allows you to evaluate how you’re doing.

Instead of judging the information, receive and give feedback neutrally and with love.

If you’re receiving what you perceive to be negative energy, just ask yourself if it’s your issue or whether it belongs to the person delivering the information?

And once you’ve neutrally received the feedback, how you want to use it is entirely up to you! When we stay in neutrality around the exchange of information — leaving emotions out of it — we can more-readily see the possibilities of how that information might be of benefit.

Remember, it’s just information — how might that improve and/or shift your reception and delivery of feedback?

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