Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Feedback

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Feedback

The lens through which you choose to see your life experiences determines the quality of life you live.

And every single time you experience something you get to choose anew your response to said experience.

But only every single time.

Feedback is a highly effective way to grow ourselves and to positively impact the lives of those around us, both professionally and personally.

Too often we receive and give feedback from a negative emotional space. When on the receiving end we don’t want to hear something we perceive to be a negative judgement against us. When giving we have often already passed judgement against the other person and our feedback is couched in negative energy.

Feedback, however, is nothing more than information that allows you to evaluate how you’re doing.

Instead of judging the information, receive and give feedback neutrally and with love.

If you’re receiving what you perceive to be negative energy, just ask yourself if it’s your issue or whether it belongs to the person delivering the information?

And once you’ve neutrally received the feedback, how you want to use it is entirely up to you! When we stay in neutrality around the exchange of information — leaving emotions out of it — we can more-readily see the possibilities of how that information might be of benefit.

Remember, it’s just information — how might that improve and/or shift your reception and delivery of feedback?

014: Melissa Ford on Service Interview

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Melissa Ford on Service Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Melissa Ford Service Interview

Melissa Ford is remarkable. No, seriously. She’s one of the most amazing women I know, and I know a lot of amazing women. It was such an honor to talk with her about service and to gain clarity around this widely misunderstood behavior and quality.

On the (rather early) morning of our scheduled conversation, the first thing Melissa said to me was

I would only get up this early for Arminda or Santa Claus.

And that is a high praise I’m taking to the bank!

My recommendation is that you listen more than once and really let sink in these refined nuances of what service really means and allow yourself time to identify areas in your world (professional and personal) where you can make some adjustments.

What You Will Discover In This Episode

  • Widely misunderstood definition of service = means giving and giving and giving with expectation of nothing in return
  • Lots of expectations built into that model & it drains your energy, makes you small and your business doesn’t grow
  • This definition doesn’t work, especially when I need clients and money
  • Operating under this definition creates resentment, manipulation and strategies to get something back
  • True Definition of Service = Giving/helping/loving fearlessly without attachment to an outcome
  • Money is part of service.
  • Can’t serve unless people are willing to pay for your product or service
  • Nobody values anything if it’s free
  • Must include yourself in the equation of service
  • Service and love mean letting go of your ego = that’s true power
  • Love for a living because love does pay the mortgage
  • Love expresses itself in many ways; there is not just one version of love

Melissa Ford Bio

Melissa Ford, Business Coach, JD, PCI Certified Coach

As a coach, transformational speaker, entrepreneur and lawyer, Melissa brings deep insights, laser focus and diverse, rich experiences to her clients. For over 20 years she has been empowering people (entrepreneurs, small business owners, executives, parents, individuals) to create positive, permanent change in their lives, enabling her clients to do more and to have more.

You can find Melissa on her website and on Facebook.

The Truth About Reinvention

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The Truth About Reinvention

I work from home and currently my office is being renovated. New flooring, new wall colors, new shelves, new desk. Overhauling the lot of it.

Exiting my bedroom requires a careful navigation past the pink bins that up until now have been in my office, neatly holding all my stuff. A quick glance down the hall reveals the painter’s ladder in my recently-vacated space and stacks (and stacks) of books plus two empty bookshelves greet me as I descend the stairs.

As giddy with excitement as I am for my new space to be completed, I also know it’s going to take a little while for me to really be IN the new space because I’ve got to sort through all the bins, which harbor all the papers, and the pictures, and the pens whose ink dried up long ago, and the files, and the business cards and the who knows what else is hiding in there for me to discover.

And this, my friend, is what reinvention really looks like.

Steve Chandler’s book, Reinventing Yourself is such a personal favorite I have purchased hundreds of copies (see “stacks and stacks of books” above)! As a coach I use this term and extend the invitation to reinvent constantly — for myself and for my clients.

Reinvention, while highly recommended, is not easy work. And it’s certainly not done overnight.

The reinvention of my office space has taken me a year to conceptualize, plan for, hire the right help, rework the original vision, pay for, acquire the right materials, ask for physical support from friends and family (those bookshelves don’t move themselves), and finally to oversee its implementation.

And in the midst of all that, I’m negotiating pretty pink bins and their contents.

Life and its reinventions look exactly like this!

We first have to see the possibility in ourselves to reinvent. Once you’ve taken that step, you’ll catch a vision of what wants to be created within you. You’ll want to hire the right help and pay for your support (hire a coach, read an impactful and inspiring book, take a class, create a sticker chart to track your growth). And as you’re implementing the changes, you’ll navigate bins of stuff that you forgot about because it’s been so neatly contained on that top shelf, out of sight until now.

Don’t put it back on the shelf.

Sort through it.

Resolve it.

Shred it if it’s no longer useful to you.

And then recycle that shredded history in service to someone else.

Once it’s complete, that new office space will be a reflection of the love I bring to it because I loved myself through every step of the process and didn’t cut any corners or retain anything that no longer serves me.

Tidying up and reinventing ourselves is a process, not a procedure.

Reinvention begins at the level of thought. Don’t let your thoughts think you. Build a life, don’t try to make a living. Reinvent yourself from someone to whom things happen, to someone who builds. — Steve Chandler

Echoes from the Past

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Echoes from the Past

If you look closely you will see the handprint on the wall.

I am not ashamed to admit I left it there in its perfectly-smudged form for about ten years and every time I flipped on the light in that room I could see that handprint, an echo of my past.

No one else knew about that hand smudge; it was my secret ritualistic game to look for it always waving at me every single time I entered the room.

Some months ago I had the entire room painted, including that spot, although for a brief moment I entertained the thought of framing that handprint and painting around it so as to preserve that tiny reminder of what used to be.

That handprint is a lot like our real-life made up echoes from our past. We’ve all got them. They’re the stories we believe about ourselves and about:

  • why we are who we are
  • why we do what we do
  • why we can’t help ourselves
  • why we behave in cyclical patterns that show up again and again, on repeat

Those are echoes, stories, see-able only by you every time you walk into that room of your past, the one with the handprint still on the wall because you’re holding onto it for sentimental reasons, and you have a ritual of seeking it out without anyone else noticing it waving at you.

Does that handprint/echo/story really serve you to keep it there?

Just as I could have easily wiped down the wall and erased the handprint, you, too, can erase the handprints that you’re currently keeping. Those handprints might be holding you back, inviting you into a past that no longer exists.

Say goodbye to the handprint, acknowledge the lessons and the blessings you’ve learned because it was part of your journey, and grab a sponge, a magic eraser, or a bucket of paint and gift yourself a clean wall.

You can only be held back by your past if you use it to reject yourself in the present.    — Robert Holden

Learn. Erase. Grow. Repeat.

Safe Spaces

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Safe Spaces

Life (and jobs and assignments and relationships and health and family and college acceptances and the weather and deadlines and cab drivers and uneven sidewalks and flight delays and . . . .) is full of unknowns and “I didn’t see that coming” moments.

Sometimes those life moments are yours to experience and sometimes those life moments are yours to witness. And whether you’re experiencing life from the “is this really happening to me?” seat, or from the observation deck, there are choices you get to make about how you show up.

If you’re in the moment, look for safe spaces (literal and figurative) in your world and be willing to ask for help — even if from complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when you get closer.

If you’re on the observation deck, look for opportunities to be the safe space for others — even for complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when they get closer.

I recently saw a phrase that struck me profoundly:

If the path ahead of you seems clear, you’re not on your path.

Each of us is progressing at our own pace, doing the best we can with what we have, and when those moments happen — either to you or in front of you — choose to connect with others and not to go it alone or to leave others alone while they are in their own moments.

We are together here on this planet for a reason; connecting illuminates our similarities, strengths and our natural ability to love one another, no matter what.

Ask for help. Connect. Serve. Love.

Look for and be a safe space wherever you are on your journey.

My gratitude to Eddy and John of Boston Fire Department Engine 8 for being just such a safe space for me.

Treadmill Running

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Just because you’ve been running on a treadmill doesn’t negate the benefits of that exercise. And just because you discover you’re “still” working on a recurring theme in your life doesn’t negate the significant work you’ve already done. Keep running. You’re doing great work.

013: Monica Day Interview

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Monica Day Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Monica Day

I first met Monica in downtown London on a (purportedly rare) sunny summer afternoon. She was so willing to speak with me, to answer my (what felt like a bazillion) questions, to have a meaningful conversation with me and about me, without her own agenda clouding the space between us.

We’ve stayed connected ever since and I’m honored to have her on the show. I am certain you, too, will connect with her frank and honest approach to every. single. topic. she discusses.

Today’s conversation is an invitation to you to consider the interconnectedness of creativity, expression and sensuality because Monica is the champion for their integration in every aspect of our lives.

Referenced in this Episode:

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman

Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth

Maps to Ecstasy by Gabrielle Roth

The Second Circle: How to Use Positive Energy for Success in Every Situation by Patsy Rodenburg

Whenever one person resolves one issue, all of humanity moves forward.

— Ron Hulnick, PhD

Monica’s Bio:

Monica Day is a writer, artist, creator, producer, performer, coach, entrepreneur and instigator, with a deep commitment to an ever-unfolding personal journey. She brings a unique combination of training in creativity, sensuality, diversity, and business to her work.

She is the founder of The Sensual Life, the producer and creator of The Power of One program, is an Integrative Coach to individuals, executives, and groups, and runs Ducky Life Tea with her two daughters. She has developed a unique approach to coaching that focuses on integrating the scattered self into the most powerful, purest, and fully-expressed self. She coaches a diverse range of individuals from business leaders to social change activists and everything in between.

Her innovative individual and group programs cover topics from sensuality to creativity to business to larger social issues of race and oppression (often in the same session). By forging powerful links between the private self to the public self, clients eventually realize an unprecedented feeling of wholeness that is life-changing. Her coaching is based on the premise that the more connected we are to every part of ourselves, the more connected we can be with one another, and the bigger impact we can have during our time here on the planet.

Loving you,
arminda

Drop the Antlers

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Drop the Antlers

Katie is three and she recently performed a dance routine in which she portrayed a very convincing reindeer. Following the performance the dance teacher collected all of the antlers back from the children in the class, at which time Katie portrayed a very convincing three-year-old having a temper tantrum.

And almost before it started, the temper tantrum portrayal was over, as Katie fluidly moved into a portrayal of a very convincing three-year old running around with her friends and squealing with delight, reindeer antlers forgotten.

You are not three.

You perform every single day, weaving yourself in and out of presentations, conversations, projects, relationships, car lines, checkout lanes, supper preparations, laundry foldings, volunteering, civic responsibilities, and a myriad other -ings daily.

And sometimes your antlers get taken away. Do you throw a tantrum when that happens? Go ahead. Admit it.

And because you’re not three, you forgot to squeal with delight at the next thing that happened and so you keep throwing your tantrum long after the antlers have left the building.

You carry your tantrum and tell your co-workers, or your spouse, or your closest friends on Facebook, or you take your tantrum out on the bank teller processing your request, or you don’t listen to your employee because your tantrum is occupying too much space in your head, or you let the tantrum speak on your behalf when you’re stuck in traffic, or you decide it’s justified to be short with your children at the end of your workday because that tantrum wants to be heard. . . . for days and weeks on end it wants to be heard.

Tantrums are only a ruse for your ego and every time you hold onto your tantrum, your ego is using you to get all the attention. Your ego is not you. Don’t be fooled.

Katie is a walking, running, squealing expressive example of exactly what you keep forgetting: just drop the antlers.

Remember, you are not three.

Rear View Driving

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Rear View Driving

Have you ever put your car in gear and then driven to your destination by looking in the rear view mirror?

How did that work out for you?

Seems ludicrous, doesn’t it? No one could do that and keep the car on the road, ensure the safety of themselves, any passengers, or the vehicle, let alone cover any significant distance and arrive at a desired destination.

We have a tendency to steer our lives, our jobs, our relationships, and our dreams by looking backwards at what we (and others) have done in the past.

That rear view steering can look like:

  • Not trusting ourselves to make better decisions
  • Being afraid to risk anything
  • Never speaking up for ourselves
  • Not applying for a different position
  • Feeling resigned with how things are
  • Staying in relationships that don’t serve us
  • Thinking good things happen to other people
  • Assuming you don’t deserve the assignment/project
  • Resenting management for overlooking you
  • Believing you’re just not loveable or worthy

Much like it’s absurd to drive a car looking behind you, it’s equally dangerous to navigate your life based on events from your past.

The only thing the past provides is the journey that brought you here. Because wherever you are is only ever now.

When you strap the seatbelt across your chest and secure it, what do you see through the vast wonderful windshield of your life?

Where would you like to go, irrespective of where you’ve been?

Start driving.

allarminda.com | 2024