Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Give Away Your Essence

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Give Away Your Essence

As I was driving to the studio for my workout with my trainer I was listening to Rich Roll‘s Finding Ultra, a book I’ve wanted to read for years now and I’m so happy to finally be in it. A few minutes from arriving, I listened transfixed as Rich described the first day of his EPIC5 Challenge, completed with his friend and training partner Jason Lester, in which they set out to complete 5 Ironman-distance triathlons on five different Hawaiian islands in five days. This was a challenge they created for themselves, without mass media coverage or competitors from around the world; they weren’t even competing with one another, the goal was to finish together with their volunteer crew to mark the event.

At a very quiet and dark 3:00am start time on May 5, 2010, the island of Kaui still asleep as they began their 26-mile run with their crew leader snapping a photo to mark the event. A few miles into their run a woman in her car pulled up alongside of Rich and Jason, slowed down to keep pace with them and told them she’d heard what they were doing and wanted to come see for herself and to wish them luck, and her parting words were, “make us proud!” Not long after, they encountered a police cruiser, lights flashing, and the officer shouted out, “Aloha! Looking good, boys! Keep going!” as they passed.

As their first day progressed, Rich & Jason were joined at various times of their run, swim and bike stages not just by onlookers and well-wishers, but by locals who participated in their event for whatever length of time they were able. And Rich kept noticing how not alone they were, even though that’s what he’d expected for their not having publicized or alerted the media to their challenge. Emotional as I listened and felt the spirit of this story, my tears celebrated the beauty and humanness of service, in all its shapes and sizes, the love that is each of us, and I pulled into my parking space, eager to work out for the next 30 minutes.

My trainer gave me an easy warm-up: three sets of 10 left foot, 10 right foot, and 10 together with the braided heavy-weighted style jump rope. This is a fun warmup that I’ve done multiple times and the game for me is not stopping between the foot switch, to make it seamless. Except this time I miscalculated the distance between my left foot and the rope and on the tenth underpass, my left foot rolled with the rope and my entire body came down on that ankle. Hard. I screamed in pain as my body assumed fetal position and my brain didn’t communicate to the tear ducts to produce tears until the hands of my trainer physically turned my body over and I was surrounded with love.

My tears flowed as his gentle loving hands held me from behind and reassured me that I am safe. My tears flowed as two more pairs of gentle loving hands cradled my throbbing ankle to assess the damage. Together these hands all lifted me and gently relocated me to a safer space and wrapped my foot with their love and I felt how not alone I am, and my tears celebrated the beauty and humanness of this service, this love that is each of us and the awareness that we’re all just walking miracles, anxious and eager for any opportunity to give away the very essence of who we are: love.

I don’t want my life to be defined by what is etched on a tombstone. I want it to be defined by what is etched in the lives and hearts of those I’ve touched.”           — Steve Maraboli

Willing to Bloom

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Willing to Bloom

Nothing in the universe thinks there is anything wrong with you. 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

I love living into my magnificence and supporting others in their desire to do the same in their lives. Those “others” are my loved ones: my family, friends, neighbors, clients, workshop participants, retreat attendees, readers of my articles, viewers of my videos, vendors, store clerks, peers, classmates, followers on social media, and anyone with whom I come in contact.

What does it mean to live into your magnificence? To be exceptional? It means you are open to continuous expansion of self and that expansion is achieved through a willingness to surrender your belief system, to be open to another story, another possibility, to be vulnerable.

How do you commit the surrender? You expose your old stories, one at a time, and write new ones. You own your vulnerability. You face your fears. You make courageous self-honoring choices rather than constantly seeking to please those around you. You see that you cannot possibly be in service to others without first being willing to be in service to yourself.

“Can you see what’s really happening here? You are the actor in your own story, but you are acting as if your story about you is a biography, not an autobiography.” 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

What does this surrender look like? 

  • not resisting
  • not defending
  • not justifying
  • not hiding
  • not puffing
  • not pretending
  • not covering up
  • not excusing
  • not deferring
  • choosing YOU

Dr. Brene Brown teaches that “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.” This living into magnificence takes courage, for it is a scary thing to face your fears. Why is that, you might wonder? Because fears cover up our deepest hurts and if our deepest hurts were to be exposed, well, that might be embarrassing, or painful, or lonely, or true, or all of the above! In fact, you might fear the greatest fear of all: that you’re not lovable or worthy.

“The real you is not afraid of love, because the real you is made of love.”
—Dr. Robert Holden

Dr. Ron Hulnick suggests that the easiest way to overcome a fear is to do the very thing that scares you while fully in your fear of doing it!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson)

Step into your fears. You are courageous. Liberate yourself from its grasp on you. Believe in your own magnificence and not in your limitations. Be willing to blossom. One petal at a time.

Loving you,
arminda

Caesar Salad

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Caesar Salad

I love a good Caesar Salad; the one I make at home is my favorite. Wait. Actually, the version I make is the only Caesar Salad I ever eat. I’m particular that way. Julius Caesar, as it turns out, has nothing to do with our obsession with Caesar Salad. The man credited with the creation of said salad is an Italian-born chef named Caesar Cardini. Stories conflict with the exact reason Chef Cardini threw together the exact ingredients he did, but regardless of the reason, in the early 1920s an amazing salad was born.

Julius Caesar, as it turns out, was so popular a ruler in Ancient Rome that after the senators decided to murder him they had a public outcry on their hands to which they had to respond quickly before the widespread displeasure put them out of their jobs. Their solution? They agreed to cremate Julius Caesar in the public forum and then they deified him.

And on the site where the 23 stab assassination took place now stand three trees.

It’s the trees I want to discuss.

I don’t know what variety of tree they are — all over Rome are planted amazing umbrella pines, but I believe they’re also this same beautiful evergreen.

I come from a large family with seven siblings. My mom was always having a baby — or so it seemed. More significantly, each time a baby joined our family, my father planted an evergreen in that child’s honor. These trees were special focal points in our yard as we watched them grow through the years alongside the child for whom the tree had been planted.

Just like the three trees in Rome impress upon me their significance because of the point in history they represent, the trees my father planted with love to commemorate the birth of new members into our family fill me with love and gratitude.

And just like the trees in Rome or in my dad’s yard, you also have visible (to you) plantings you have made at the most significant moments in your life.

1. What are those moments?
2. What did you plant to commemorate the event?
3. How do you feel when you look at those internal trees today and the growth you’ve experienced since they were planted?
4. How can you acknowledge yourself for your own historical significance?

Make yourself a big bowl of Caesar Salad and catalog your own historical significance.

Do more than casually consider a moment and call this exercise complete.

Really ponder and consider which parts of your history are most significant and why. Write it down. And after you feel your list is complete, read it out loud to yourself, or talk through each event and why it made the final list. Then really acknowledge yourself for where you are today as a result of how you’ve grown.

Loving you,
Arminda

Your Essentials

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Your Essentials

Whether you’re going on an extended trip or just across the hall into the conference room for a presentation, make sure you’ve packed exactly what you need.

Your internal toolkit contains all your essentials:

  1. Personal Theme Song
  2. Laughter
  3. Signature Dance Moves
  4. Neutral Lenses
  5. Service Mindset
  6. Creative Outlook
  7. Love

#1 Personal Theme Song

Absolutely never ever leave home without this. You might have a different theme song for each day of the week, or for different experiences (making sales calls get one song, while presenting to your team has another). Stop whatever you’re doing right now and tell me your theme song!

#2 Laughter

Life is way too important to be taken seriously. Just ask my friends Steve & Jason of The Not So Serious Life; they regularly share their not serious opinions on all sorts of serious issues. And Bernie Glassman offers great advice in The Dude and the Zen Master:

“Let me give you a wonderful Zen practice. Wake up in the morning…look in the mirror, and laugh at yourself.”

#3 Signature Dance Moves

No one needs to see you. You don’t need to see you. Move. Just dance.

#4 Neutral Lenses

Remember that information is neutral until you assign meaning to it. See people and situations and experiences as if you’re gathering information; don’t interpret any of it too quickly.

#5 Serve

Serve at your earliest inconvenience. Serve from your heart. Serve without expectation of return. Serve because you love, not because you want. Your daughter asks you to play with her just as you’re on your way to a serious (see #2) business meeting? Drop and give her ten minutes.

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth:
“You owe me!”

Look what happens with
A love like that!

It lights the whole sky!
— Hafiz

#6 Creative Outlook

What if you don’t know all the answers? HOORAY! What if the solution that worked last week no longer makes sense? HOORAY! What if you’ve been tasked with a seemingly-overwhelming project for which you feel completely unprepared? HOORAY! What if none of your hand-outs were printed and you don’t know it until five minutes before your presentation begins? HOORAY!

Given your situation, what would you like to create? 

#7 Love 

Robert Holden is my go-to guy on all things love-of-self-related. If you’ve not yet read his book Loveability, I recommend it immediately.

“Everyone we see is seen through the filter of our self-awareness. Therefore, how we see ourselves — loveable or unloveable — influences what we see in others.”

Love isn’t on your packing list as optional; it’s the one thing to be sure you grab if you run out of time and nothing else gets into your bag. Love is the essential.

Let me know if you’re unsure where it’s located or why it’s so important.

Loving you,
arminda

016: Gary Mahler & A Woman’s Sovereignty

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GaryMahler

Gary Mahler & A Woman’s Sovereignty

The All Arminda Show

iTunes Button (via NiftyButtons.com)

Is it unusual that I’m bringing in a man to talk about women? Not this man, methinks 🙂

What can you look forward to learning?

The woman who knows her power and isn’t afraid of being and showing herself to the world — the world changes because of her

That value, sovereignty, inheritance resides within each of us — and only our stories get in the way

Unless and until I love and value myself, will I be the sovereign of my life and when I step into that value I will bless everyone around me because I don’t need them to be love because I already am love

Loving ourselves is such a deeply powerful experience and you’re the only one who can do it

How to Increase Your Power

  1. Notice what you do and who you be
  2. Choose different
  3. Take actionable steps to live the life you imagine
  4. Choose you

Future Vision Exercise

  1. List all the things you’re grateful for (read daily)
  2. Write personal “I am” statement (read daily)
  3. Live it

Choosing YOU

  1. This is who I say I am, now I only have to choose it
  2. Know your value
  3. Create your sovereignty
  4. Be around men who appreciate everything you bring
  5. Be who you need to be and you’ll attract the right sort of men

Gary references both Steve Hardison & Steve Chandler, remarkable men who have impacted countless lives with their love and service.

Gary’s Bio

Besides women’s surf retreats,  we create bespoke events for team building, leadership work, and executive groups: 3 day events in Malibu & 5 day events in Hawaii.

Gary works with highly-driven people to do that thing they want with all their heart, that thing they might not know how to describe yet. That thing that scares the hell out of them.

He challenges how his clients see themselves, think about themselves and believe in themselves.  Gary firmly believes and lives the principle: when you change the way you think about yourself and you change the way you behave, your life WILL transform. He will never, ever let you forget what you tell him is important to you. When you are ready, he’ll be your Life’s Purpose Operations Manager, building your dreams together.

015: Marylou Falstreau on Loving Yourself

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Marylou Falstreau Interview on Loving Yourself

The All Arminda Show

Marylou Falstreau
Marylou and I met on Twitter and I’m so incredibly delighted I reached out to her and even more delighted that she agreed to speak with me! May your experience of her work be similar to my “heart response” when I saw her art.

During this episode, Marylou and I talk about the significant work she’s doing impacting women’s lives through the visual medium of her art and why she started the Women and the Hourglass series of paintings that resonate so powerfully with women.

Each message, each woman, is pointing her finger at me and saying, ‘Wake up, Marylou! Make a different choice! Make a different decision!’

Addiction has been part of Marylou’s family story and her personal journey and learning about addiction led us into a deeper discussion around what it means to love ourselves and what practices we can implement to remove the foreign concept of love into a practical application and a regular practice for ourselves.

Marylou is most interested in living a life of truth telling, allowing others to tell their stories, their heartaches, to talk about getting better, learning more, waking up and being in conversation about that from an authentic point of view.

Marylou’s Excellent Advice

  1. Be real.
  2. Be honest.
  3. Tell the truth.
  4. Love ourselves so we can love others.

Be sure and look at Marylou’s gorgeous artwork on her website.

014: Melissa Ford on Service Interview

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Melissa Ford on Service Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Melissa Ford Service Interview

Melissa Ford is remarkable. No, seriously. She’s one of the most amazing women I know, and I know a lot of amazing women. It was such an honor to talk with her about service and to gain clarity around this widely misunderstood behavior and quality.

On the (rather early) morning of our scheduled conversation, the first thing Melissa said to me was

I would only get up this early for Arminda or Santa Claus.

And that is a high praise I’m taking to the bank!

My recommendation is that you listen more than once and really let sink in these refined nuances of what service really means and allow yourself time to identify areas in your world (professional and personal) where you can make some adjustments.

What You Will Discover In This Episode

  • Widely misunderstood definition of service = means giving and giving and giving with expectation of nothing in return
  • Lots of expectations built into that model & it drains your energy, makes you small and your business doesn’t grow
  • This definition doesn’t work, especially when I need clients and money
  • Operating under this definition creates resentment, manipulation and strategies to get something back
  • True Definition of Service = Giving/helping/loving fearlessly without attachment to an outcome
  • Money is part of service.
  • Can’t serve unless people are willing to pay for your product or service
  • Nobody values anything if it’s free
  • Must include yourself in the equation of service
  • Service and love mean letting go of your ego = that’s true power
  • Love for a living because love does pay the mortgage
  • Love expresses itself in many ways; there is not just one version of love

Melissa Ford Bio

Melissa Ford, Business Coach, JD, PCI Certified Coach

As a coach, transformational speaker, entrepreneur and lawyer, Melissa brings deep insights, laser focus and diverse, rich experiences to her clients. For over 20 years she has been empowering people (entrepreneurs, small business owners, executives, parents, individuals) to create positive, permanent change in their lives, enabling her clients to do more and to have more.

You can find Melissa on her website and on Facebook.

When Fear Feels Real

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Oftentimes our fears feel very real to us and simply dismissing the fear as made-up seems trite. How can you use your fears as a starting point to a greater you?

The magic lies in the experience of fear, itself. When we feel fear it’s our opportunity to slow ourselves down and explore the starting point for that emotion of fear and then reframe and move past the fear so we’re no longer in our own way.

 

allarminda.com | 2024