Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Nail Salon Epiphany

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Tracy does my nails. I have an exclusive, albeit only in my head, contract with her, alone, to tend and maintain all twenty of my phalanges. We’re coming up on our three-year anniversary in a couple of months and Tracy recently gave me her cell phone number so I can text her directly to schedule my mani/pedi. So we’re at that level of commitment. 

Last week I messaged Tracy, asking for a slot in her day; it was time to update my color. I showed up promptly at four o’clock, handed Tracy my bag of polishes (I always bring my own), and turned on the chair massage. Settling back with my (also always with me) book du jour I relaxed into knowing everything was now taken care of and my only responsibility was to be sure I tipped well at the end of this service. 

Exactly 18 hours later, at 10:30 Thursday morning, I cracked the big toenail of my left foot. It was an innocent ottoman relocation stunt that resulted in my using the direct-line to my pedicurist, begging for help. Tracy gave me a time to come back and I showed up early, bag of polishes in-hand. In a matter of minutes, a torn paper towel, some adhesive, and fresh polish I was as good as new. My toenail would have to be inspected microscopically for you to notice any disruption or visible flaw. Impressed? I was beyond thrilled, amazed, and deeply grateful to Tracy for her mastery of trade.

She refused to take any money from me. We argued back and forth and she was having none of it. I left the salon better than I entered, but questioning the entire transaction of which I’d just been privy. I, the customer, wanted to compensate her, the service provider, for the labor she’d provided. She refused.

I spent a lot of time reviewing that situation. I discussed it with my husband, a landscape architect, and with Lisa Fields, the owner of Media Staffing Network. I looked through my own lens as a leadership coach, and you probably landed on the big picture quicker than it’s taken me to type this story down. 

Business owner Tracy gets it. She understands that she depends on me to keep coming back, manicure after manicure, to give her the repeat business she builds her business on. The five-minute fix of a broken toenail is her investment back into me; it’s her way of thanking me for continuing to call. She needs me in the same way that I need her. Our relationship is symbiotic and requires both of us making deposits for it to grow. 

I needed this up close and personal demonstration of relationship building to remind me to check in on my own customers. In what ways am I investing in them, to thank them for their repeat business? Do they feel special because they have my direct number and can reach me when they have something that’s broken that I can easily and quickly fix?

I can’t wait to see Tracy for my next appointment. She gets all my nail money and then some, because she gets me, and I love how much she understands my specific needs.

What are the “five-minute fixes” you provide for your repeat customers? How do you thank your clients for coming back?

017: Chris Dorris & Emotional Mastery

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Chris Dorris

Chris Dorris & Emotional Mastery

The All Arminda Show

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Some of you may already be familiar with Chris Dorris. Not long ago I offered my readers access to his powerful audio program on commitment. If you missed that opportunity, it’s not too late. Just send me an email <coach@armindalindsay.com> and I’ll be happy to send you the link. It’s definitely worth the listen.

For those of you not familiar with him, Chris is essentially the psychological equivalent to a physical trainer and has been immersed in the world of pushing people past their perceived limits since 1994 in the capacity of advisor, consultant and Mental Toughness Trainer and Personal Transformation Coach to elite athletes, executives, entrepreneurs and individuals worldwide. He conducts workshops and seminars on Mental Conditioning, Leadership, and Peak Performance.

“Your life unfolds according to the way that you think.” — Buddha

What if you had a class that teaches you how to think and to strengthen the quality of your thinking skills? To practice using your mind to positively improve your world?

Was Freud wrong with his stimulus/response theory?!

The good news is you can IMMEDIATELY change your thoughts with CHOICE, and with practice we can alter our perceptions of reality. Suffering is merely the result of judging your sadness.

Your choice is to either experience the world problematically or opportunistically.

Options/interpretations of reality allow you to have, do and be what you want.

Chris’ Recommended Daily Practice

  1. Catch Your Negative Thoughts
  2. Own Your Thoughts
  3. Replace Your Interpretations With an Upgrade

Becoming aware of the invisible (inside) stuff is unconscious learning!

“If something is troubling you, it’s not the thing itself, but your estimate of it, which you can revoke at any time.” — Marcus Aurelius

Chris makes it very clear: He is not selling happy thoughts; he’s selling options — you have a choice.

You cannot create excellence and mastery in a sustainable way if you choose a low grade interpretation of reality. — Chris Dorris

“Create the state; don’t wait.” — Chris Dorris

Become the person who doesn’t have complaining be a thing that goes on in your life. Start stopping complaining.

Here’s the Louis Schwartzberg video on GRATITUDE:

You always have access to gratitude. The only thing that goes away is your ability to remember you always have access!

Maintain a gratitude journal.

We chat about our friend Andrew McKee and his amazing book titled Change Your Game, Change Your Life.

Love this interview? Please share it.

Loving you,
arminda

Future Planning

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“If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.” — Abraham Maslow

Have you ever stopped long enough to consider your own “what ifs”?

At year’s end, does the caterpillar set goals on how to be a better caterpillar next year? Of course not! She creates an entirely new future and transforms her very DNA to grow her own wings.

Create your future from your future and don’t worry about being a better caterpillar.

Is there a pair of wings inside of you, waiting to emerge?

Loving you, always.

Factory Default: Wellness

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Cheeeze

Recently I facilitated a group discussion on the topic of life’s challenges and how we choose the way in which we encounter said obstacles. I made it clear then, and I wish to state loudly in this platform, that life comes complete with some doozies, curve-balls and turns in our paths that we can never anticipate. Not ever. And these are hard things we go through. Each and every one of us. No one is exempt from these experiences. To think otherwise would be naive. Yet even in the midst of the tough times I sometimes find myself questioning the fairness of it all, the rightness versus the wrongness of my situation, as if such variances existed. (They don’t.)

Gratefully, I don’t stay down long, and I would venture to suggest that neither must you.

Last week I happened upon Dr. Amy Johnson, a social psychologist, master certified coach, author and public speaker, and I am extremely grateful to have found such a trove of information and insights.

Dr. Johnson has a philosophy that I am now officially adopting into my vernacular because it explains my own cyclical relationship to difficulty over my lifetime. I’ve always wondered how and/or why it is that I “bounce back” so quickly when something knocks me down and I tended to write it off as “the way I’m wired.”

Here’s what I love: I was right! I AM wired to bounce back AND SO ARE YOU!

Dr. Johnson suggests that our factory default setting is wellness. You didn’t know you had a default setting, did you? Yup. Just like your mobile phone can be reset if something goes awry, so can you with a little bit of effort on your part.

We (the proverbial we) have a tendency to overthink our circumstances or weigh ourselves down with negative thinking or burden ourselves with frenetic self-talk that serves only one purpose: more stress and more negative thinking, which lead to heavier and heavier hearts, which heaviness repels joy.

I am one of the happiest people I know.

I am not always happy.

When I am unhappy or feeling burdened with what might seem the impossible, I do a factory reset and remember to express gratitude for the highs as well as for the lows, and that gratitude provides an undercurrent of peace that runs throughout my life.

Dr. Johnson puts it this way:

  • You are well. Your default nature is peace of mind and clarity. Always. Even when you don’t feel it.
  • When you don’t feel peace of mind and clarity, it’s only because your own personal thinking (inner dialogue, habitual mental chit chat) is in the way.
  • When your thinking settles down, as it always does, you’ll be bounced back to your peace and clarity.

Understanding that we possess this default setting doesn’t preclude us from life’s adversities, but embracing this outlook allows us to get back to our place of emotional wellness that much faster.

Beware your thoughts getting in your own way; they’ll work really hard to be heard, but remember our thinking creates our feelings. Take control of your thoughts and what you believe and you will bounce back to wellness and a state of peace faster than the rug can get pulled out from under you!

Choose you. Choose happy.

Happiness Crusade

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On February 13, 2012, I started a 21-day “dopamine challenge” here on this blog titled Creating Positive. Many of you joined me in that initiative (and it’s not too late to get started) because happiness is year-round and a lifetime journey. While there have been many changes in my life since I first penned that post, one thing is for sure: my heart is still full of gratitude. It’s so full that I keep writing out more and more. My list is growing and I’m filling up notebooks. Pages and pages of things for which I’m grateful and/or that make me smile and bring me happiness. My list is very personal and unique to my life, as is your list. This is the reason I can pick up one of my notebooks and open to any page and start reading through my list and immediately begin to smile as I am instantly transported to another day, place, and moment in time that ignited a spark of joy in my heart.

gratitude |ˈgratəˌt(y)o͞od|
noun
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

happiness |ˈhapēnis|
noun
the state of being happy

Shawn Achor (whose TED Talk inspired me to start my own challenge) writes in his book The Happiness Advantage that

“. . . our attitudes and behaviors don’t only infect the people we interact with directly — like our colleagues, friends, and families — but that each indivdual’s influence actually appears to extend to people within three degrees. So when you. . . make positive changes in your own life, you are unconsciously shaping the behavior of an incredible number of people. . . . [T]here are nearly 1,000 people within three degrees of most of us. This is a true ripple effect — by trying to make ourselves happier and more successful, we actually have the ability to improve the lives of 1,000 people around us” (p201).

That’s empowering. To me, at least. And I love that by embracing the life I live I have the potential within me to positively impact the lives of thousands of other people. Thousands.

I can’t wait for happiness to find me like some elusive carrot forever dangling at the end of its proverbial stick. You will never reach it if that’s your aim. Your “I’ll be happy when _________ ” will forever evade you.

“Waiting to be happy limits our brain’s potential for success, whereas cultivating positive brains makes us more motivated, efficient, resilient, creative, and productive, which drives performance upward” (Achor 4).

Motivation? Efficiency? Resilience? Creativity? Productivity? Yes, please!

Happiness is now. Happiness is your choice. Happiness is within you.

Come on my happiness crusade and create positive in your life today, tomorrow and always! Will you join me?

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Creating Positive: Day 19 of 21

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It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling a bit grumpier than usual this week because I haven’t been getting enough sleep. And, we all know it’s because Razor can’t hold it until 6am like the rest of us. But Razor doesn’t intentionally do anything to hurt, or to upset, or to anger, or to disrupt my life in any way. In fact, Razor has just one goal in life, and that is to bring joy, happiness, and love to the people he cares about most. When it was apparent to me that no amount of effort on my part to be productive was working, I chose instead to invest 20 minutes of my afternoon curled up on the couch with Razor. I’m not sure what the return on that investment is, nor am I going to try and quantify it. What I do know is that the far-reaching positive impact of having Razor in my life far outweighs any minor inconvenience a middle of the night potty break creates. Pets, and the indelible imprint they make on our lives, are on my mind today as my sister Julie’s heart is permanently marked with love.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate- done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Pinterest
  2. Snuggling with Razor
  3. Warm fire on a cold day
  4. My mother’s thoughts
  5. Teachers who focus on my daughter’s needs
  6. Dr. Debra Monroe‘s profound impact on my life
  7. L’s love of guitar
  8. The love Donkey brought to Julie
  9. Foggy night walks in the park

Positive Experience

My friend Cheryl, who champions all sorts of amazing introspective, reflective, and far-reaching discussions, started a 30-Day Photo Challenge earlier this week. Naturally, I opted in. Today’s weather was rather gloomy, and overcast, and the temperature had dropped significantly from yesterday’s 80, so my thoughts were centered around hot tea and being at home when I drove past a bush in the midst of its spring glory, oblivious to the fog, cooler temperatures, or complete lack of color within a three-mile radius. Since my intention for the photo challenge is to capture images that to me represent beauty, I had to have a picture. Standing in front of the bush, the fact that I was parked in a stranger’s driveway and walking across their front yard, simply melted away. My heart in that moment (I envision much like the Grinch’s) grew a little bit larger.

Creating Positive: Day 17 of 21

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Christian reached out to me this afternoon to let me know that he’s been enjoying the Dopamine Challenge so much, he invited his four siblings to read along and participate, as well! Cheryl decided to begin a photography challenge centered around setting an intention, and then sharing a photo a day for 30 days. Because the point is, you can do anything for 30 days, right? What are you doing differently because of the positive you created today?

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Lena: the amazing research queen
  2. My home
  3. Granola
  4. The higher road
  5. Changing into the mom
  6. Power naps
  7. Empowerment
  8. Other people’s ideas
  9. The lure of a road-trip
  10. Flashlights
  11. www.reuseit.com

Positive Experience

My day wasn’t horrible. Nothing awful happened. I just had a day. I met with one potential client first thing this morning, and then spent the rest of my working hours at my desk, systematically checking off the items populating my never-ending list of calls and emails. Admittedly, my energy was low and I wasn’t terribly excited at the prospect of a day spent in front of my computer. And then, 5:00 arrived, as if late for an important engagement, and I acknowledged its arrival by changing my clothes. Yes, that’s right. I stepped out of my skirt, pulled off the pantyhose, unbuttoned my blouse, and put on a pair of well-worn jeans, socks that reach my knees, and a comfortable pullover, and walked out the door dressed as my alter-ego: the Mom.

While waiting for my daughter, I began reading a book Julie loaned to me: The Dumbest Generation, by Mark Bauerlein, and my mind started to expand. Shifting my brain’s attention to something not related to work brought a renewed sense of energy to my entire system. By the time my daughter was finished, I had completed my transformation into her mother, and with gratitude enjoyed our evening as we prepared supper, sat down together at the table, shared conversation, and then a cup of tea, while we discussed my daughter’s day, and our plans together for this weekend.

Just because I am focused on the positive around me doesn’t mean there won’t be difficult days, tough situations, or neutral times (like today). My greatest sources of joy and gratitude, as I rediscover daily, are my family, friends, and loved ones. Work is just that: work, but the relationships we cultivate and the energy we invest in the those whom we love are where our true measures of love and gratitude emerge to enrich and bless our lives. For the opportunity to be a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a friend, I am eternally grateful.

Creating Positive: Day 15 of 21

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When falafel crosses my mind, it’s just my body’s way of saying, “Hey, I want to eat some falafel within the next three hours, or you’re going to be blending your own chickpeas by tonight.” And when I get that message, I drive to the nearest falafel-making joint I can find, and order up. There’s a newish (they’ve been open for three months) Mediterranean restaurant/bakery/juice bar in town, and I decided to see how their falafel measures up to some of my preferred spots. Nazareth Bread did not disappoint. I was able to sample the falafel, pita bread (best I’ve ever had), and some coconut cookie deliciousness straight from the baker’s oven. I just remembered I bought a piece of baklava to try, too, but forgot to eat it. No worries. Breakfast will be here in a few hours. And that, my friends, is how we turn a negative into a positive!

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Flannel jammies
  2. Rainboots
  3. Flexibility in my schedule
  4. Falafel (any doubts, see above)
  5. Birthday parties
  6. Karen
  7. Memories
  8. Scheduling new business appointments
  9. Giggling
  10. Donated Target bag from a stranger for a clean cause
  11. Cleaning the kitchen together time

Positive Experience

  • The best of friends share the same piece of cake, but each with her own fork.
  • A true friend will dance around the kitchen with you because you relocated a piece of furniture, and you’re delighted with its new space.
  • Friends don’t need to always be speaking, just a little bit of space to write between them.
  • I am truly grateful today for my friend Karen, who pushes, and reminds, and encourages, and believes in me.

Who knew a birthday party for two could be the best way EVER to spend an afternoon with Karen?! I had brought last night’s red velvet cake for the celebration and in our search for candles, discovered the greatest heirloom tin Karen keeps in her pantry, and its only purpose in life has been to hold recycled birthday candles and the special occasion candle holders! When I opened the tin, it smelled just like my first-grade classroom 🙂 What a sentimental treasure! Karen decorated her cake in style, and then I sang to her, of course!

When I blow out the candles on my next birthday cake, I’m going to make a wish that the friendships, which have so richly blessed my life up until now, will continue to be such a source of joy to me in all my years to come.

Creating Positive: Day 11 of 21

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We are at the Dopamine Challenge halfway mark today! I haven’t heard from many of you in a while, so how’s it going? This morning I realized that by tracking my gratitudes each day, I am always looking for the positive perspective to every situation. And as I re-frame the world around me, the world around me starts to shift on its own. I’m starting to slow down more, take in my surroundings, and really focus on being present. I like the way it feels. There’s not the same sense of urgency to check off so many things on my list, as there is a peace of mind that comes from knowing I did what needed to be done, and appreciated my experiences throughout the day.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. 72 degrees in February
  2. Reconnecting with Lavonne over oatmeal
  3. Feeling compassion for another person
  4. peanut butter
  5. Nathan commenting on my page
  6. Sweet email from Jamie
  7. “Who is missing right here?” with Clark
  8. An evening at home
  9. A new apron from Lavonne
  10. Reminder to journal the journey
  11. Having all the ingredients in my kitchen to make what I want
  12. Bobbijean’s reminder that time with our children isn’t about “taking a turn”
  13. Courage

Positive Experience

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Today I was courageous in the face of my past. Today I confronted a bully. Today I stood up for what is right. Today I defined appropriate. Today I remained calm. Today I was in control. Today I made the rules. Today I spoke my truth. Today I wasn’t afraid any more. Today I did something that no longer scares me.

Ms. Roosevelt, with all due respect, today I didn’t listen.

allarminda.com | 2024