Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

015: Marylou Falstreau on Loving Yourself

By

Marylou Falstreau Interview on Loving Yourself

The All Arminda Show

Marylou Falstreau
Marylou and I met on Twitter and I’m so incredibly delighted I reached out to her and even more delighted that she agreed to speak with me! May your experience of her work be similar to my “heart response” when I saw her art.

During this episode, Marylou and I talk about the significant work she’s doing impacting women’s lives through the visual medium of her art and why she started the Women and the Hourglass series of paintings that resonate so powerfully with women.

Each message, each woman, is pointing her finger at me and saying, ‘Wake up, Marylou! Make a different choice! Make a different decision!’

Addiction has been part of Marylou’s family story and her personal journey and learning about addiction led us into a deeper discussion around what it means to love ourselves and what practices we can implement to remove the foreign concept of love into a practical application and a regular practice for ourselves.

Marylou is most interested in living a life of truth telling, allowing others to tell their stories, their heartaches, to talk about getting better, learning more, waking up and being in conversation about that from an authentic point of view.

Marylou’s Excellent Advice

  1. Be real.
  2. Be honest.
  3. Tell the truth.
  4. Love ourselves so we can love others.

Be sure and look at Marylou’s gorgeous artwork on her website.

Commitment?

By

commitment

When I want a drink, I don’t hesitate and question my commitment to quenching my thirst.

I just sip and swallow until I’ve emptied my glass.

Easy.

I’m all in without question or hesitation.

My actions become instinctual as I go through the motions, no longer questioning purpose, intent, focus, or motive. I’m just doing it because I decided to do it.

Commitment is easy like that.

My colleague Chris Dorris recorded a fabulous audio program on the subject of commitment and he gave me permission to gift it to you. If you’re committed to listening, please send me an email: coach@armindalindsay.com and let me know you’re all in, and I’ll send you the link.

I also recommend you watch the Ask Arminda video I recorded on this same subject of commitment.

Are you all in?

 

Flexibility

By

When we are rigidly attached to an outcome we set ourselves up for failure. Events are just neutral; they have meaning only when we assign meaning to the event. We can choose responses, rather than being attached to an expectation of others’ behavior or an event.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles is the classic movie reference I make in this episode!

Self Trust is a Thing?

By

Self Trust is a Thing?

Once upon a time a week ago we discussed the idea that goals exist to serve you and not, as is popularly thought, to cause guilt, consternation or overwhelm in your world.

In the past (that place Dr. Seuss so brilliantly describes as “the waiting place” in his classic, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!), you may have set a lot of goals, or a couple of doozies at a minimum, possibly even written them down and you certainly shared your objectives with at least one other person, then promptly didn’t achieve whatever you set out to do.

You may even have engaged in some self-talk:

  • I’m no good at keeping goals
  • I guess I’m not motivated enough
  • I don’t know how to stay consistent
  • I have a lot of good intentions
  • I start off strong
  • How do those “other” people do it?
  • I wish I was more like _____________
  • I guess I don’t have what it takes
  • I’m going to finish that someday

Why does any of this matter?

Because when you commit to a goal and don’t achieve it you are cultivating self distrust.

Land squarely in that space in which you create goals because of what they do for you, and you’ll be ready to reset your relationship with yourself.

When you commit to a goal and keep it you are cultivating self trust.

The habit patterns you are building by keeping your commitments with you increase your capacity to make and keep the next commitment and the commitment after that.

I’m Not a Marathoner, BUT

Runners don’t start by running in a marathon; they gradually increase their capacity to run 26 miles, so by the time the day of the marathon arrives they know they can cross the finish line with confidence because they’ve been running the distance incrementally for months in advance.

  1. Build a relationship of trust with yourself step by step.
  2. Scale back your goals; set reasonable ones.
  3. Achieve one goal.
  4. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every other relationship in your life.

Keep your promises to you.

Let’s Talk About Goals

By

Let's Talk About Goals

Steve Chandler said,

It’s not what a goal IS that matters; it’s what a goal DOES. So when you think of this goal, what does it do for you? Your goals are creations; you create goals to serve yourself. The goal is supposed to serve you.

WHAT?!!!!

Back up. Rewind. Reread.

No wonder we get discouraged and don’t feel excited about the novel we committed to write, or the gym membership we paid to use, or the sales number we pulled out of a hat, or the company projection we’re anticipating, or the global domination we intend to execute.

When you think you’re not motivated to act on that goal it has little to nothing to do with you; it’s the goal, itself. Chances are you set the goal because of what it represents and not for what it does.

I’m all about vision and creating amazing things AND I know I can’t jump farther than I can jump.

Let me put it another way: If I’m not walking around excited about what I’m creating and in the act of DOING it then I know my goals are clearly under the IS column and not the DOES column.

Right now is a perfect time to review your goals. Are they serving you, or is it just a goal for the sake of being a goal?

LITMUS TEST

Are you looking for ways to motivate yourself toward actively accomplishing your goal?

Do you feel “less than” or embarrassed because you’re not working toward your goal?

Does looking at or thinking about your goal incite fear, frustration, overwhelm or excuses?

SOLUTION

Create a smaller goal that DOES for you what a self-help book never will: keeps you in action in your own life.

That, my friend, is serving you.

#thatwaseasy

To Lunch or Not To Lunch

By

Before you know the difference between being a “pro” and an amateur, you wonder about how you spend your time during your business day. A lot of colleagues and/or “others” are lunching together and so you think that’s what professionals do: they lunch. The question is never whether to accept a lunch invitation. The question is whether to turn pro. I reference Steven Pressfield‘s book, Turning Pro, and highly recommend you read it! I also reference the personal versus your professional self video.

Blizzard Conditions

By

Blizzard ConditionsIn the midst of a blizzard, traffic lights still blink red to green, pausing momentarily on yellow.

Yet there are no vehicles to pay attention, to slow down, to stop or to go. And if there were, the snowy conditions would most certainly impact the capability of those vehicles’ performance.

Are we sometimes like blizzard-bound signals — rotating through our three indicators assuming the traffic around us will heed our signals without question?

Do we keep flashing directions when there’s a blizzard swirling?

Stop.

Notice the blizzard.

Consider what messages you’re sending out on repeat.

Review your messages’ purpose and content in context of the current situation.

Ask for whom those messages are intended, and whether they’re being received.

Reinvent yourself from a blinking lamp that’s become irrelevant in the storm into the maker of snow angels, the spontaneous thrower of playful snowballs, the shoveler of new paths, the clearer of slippery stairways, the Zamboni of all icy surfaces.

Busy Signal

By

Busy SignalAt the core of every single “issue” (professional, political, personal, and religious) is a dis-functioning method of communication.

Is there anyone in your world who’s upsetting you? Disappointing you? Not listening to you? Talking back to you? Ignoring you? Resisting you (or your ideas)? Not performing their job the “right” way?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. — Albert Einstein

Try a different connection; the one you’re currently using isn’t working.

Clearly.

Oh, and you’re the one with the faulty signal — in case that wasn’t clear.

Give me a call if you’re still getting a patchy line on that one.

I’m Upset Because. . . .

By

I'm Upset Because

Sarah told me the following story from her childhood and with her permission I’m sharing it with you.

Sarah’s mother, Mary, had prepared one of her usual delicious evening meals and invited the five hungry children to the table to eat. Not long after they sat down, Sarah’s father, Dan (who had made a choice to visit the pub after work rather than coming straight home), entered the kitchen through the back door.

Dan was visibly irritated to discover the family eating without him and started loudly verbalizing his displeasure. Quietly and without comment, Mary began opening the kitchen windows one by one as Dan continued his rant.

Suddenly, as if only just noticing his wife’s activity, Dan shouted, “Why on earth are you opening all the windows?!”

Unfazed, Mary sat back down at the table, casually picked up her fork and replied, “I want to be sure the neighbors know how upset you are!”

Each of us is responsible for our own emotions.

Upsets (“I’m upset because. . . “) only occur inside of us. No one else can ever upset you, or make you angry, or disappoint you, or make you sad, or cause any emotional response in you. That’s all you. Only you. Every single time.

You have a choice every single time you find yourself in an upset:

1. REACT and blame someone or something else and see if that really feels good to you. Does it make you feel any better sitting in that discomfort and pointing a finger, validating all the reasons it’s not possibly your fault?

2. Take a deep breath and look inside yourself first (before you start pointing fingers) and ask yourself what’s really triggering you in this moment? Then RESPOND with awareness of your internal issue that simply wants attention and resolution.

Pema Chodron said,

You are the sky. Everything else — it’s just the weather.

Take back ownership of your emotional well-being. Resolve whatever triggers your upsets. Dance because it’s raining and notice the sun’s refusal to shine has nothing to do with you.

allarminda.com | 2024