Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

The Truth About Reinvention

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The Truth About Reinvention

I work from home and currently my office is being renovated. New flooring, new wall colors, new shelves, new desk. Overhauling the lot of it.

Exiting my bedroom requires a careful navigation past the pink bins that up until now have been in my office, neatly holding all my stuff. A quick glance down the hall reveals the painter’s ladder in my recently-vacated space and stacks (and stacks) of books plus two empty bookshelves greet me as I descend the stairs.

As giddy with excitement as I am for my new space to be completed, I also know it’s going to take a little while for me to really be IN the new space because I’ve got to sort through all the bins, which harbor all the papers, and the pictures, and the pens whose ink dried up long ago, and the files, and the business cards and the who knows what else is hiding in there for me to discover.

And this, my friend, is what reinvention really looks like.

Steve Chandler’s book, Reinventing Yourself is such a personal favorite I have purchased hundreds of copies (see “stacks and stacks of books” above)! As a coach I use this term and extend the invitation to reinvent constantly — for myself and for my clients.

Reinvention, while highly recommended, is not easy work. And it’s certainly not done overnight.

The reinvention of my office space has taken me a year to conceptualize, plan for, hire the right help, rework the original vision, pay for, acquire the right materials, ask for physical support from friends and family (those bookshelves don’t move themselves), and finally to oversee its implementation.

And in the midst of all that, I’m negotiating pretty pink bins and their contents.

Life and its reinventions look exactly like this!

We first have to see the possibility in ourselves to reinvent. Once you’ve taken that step, you’ll catch a vision of what wants to be created within you. You’ll want to hire the right help and pay for your support (hire a coach, read an impactful and inspiring book, take a class, create a sticker chart to track your growth). And as you’re implementing the changes, you’ll navigate bins of stuff that you forgot about because it’s been so neatly contained on that top shelf, out of sight until now.

Don’t put it back on the shelf.

Sort through it.

Resolve it.

Shred it if it’s no longer useful to you.

And then recycle that shredded history in service to someone else.

Once it’s complete, that new office space will be a reflection of the love I bring to it because I loved myself through every step of the process and didn’t cut any corners or retain anything that no longer serves me.

Tidying up and reinventing ourselves is a process, not a procedure.

Reinvention begins at the level of thought. Don’t let your thoughts think you. Build a life, don’t try to make a living. Reinvent yourself from someone to whom things happen, to someone who builds. — Steve Chandler

Echoes from the Past

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Echoes from the Past

If you look closely you will see the handprint on the wall.

I am not ashamed to admit I left it there in its perfectly-smudged form for about ten years and every time I flipped on the light in that room I could see that handprint, an echo of my past.

No one else knew about that hand smudge; it was my secret ritualistic game to look for it always waving at me every single time I entered the room.

Some months ago I had the entire room painted, including that spot, although for a brief moment I entertained the thought of framing that handprint and painting around it so as to preserve that tiny reminder of what used to be.

That handprint is a lot like our real-life made up echoes from our past. We’ve all got them. They’re the stories we believe about ourselves and about:

  • why we are who we are
  • why we do what we do
  • why we can’t help ourselves
  • why we behave in cyclical patterns that show up again and again, on repeat

Those are echoes, stories, see-able only by you every time you walk into that room of your past, the one with the handprint still on the wall because you’re holding onto it for sentimental reasons, and you have a ritual of seeking it out without anyone else noticing it waving at you.

Does that handprint/echo/story really serve you to keep it there?

Just as I could have easily wiped down the wall and erased the handprint, you, too, can erase the handprints that you’re currently keeping. Those handprints might be holding you back, inviting you into a past that no longer exists.

Say goodbye to the handprint, acknowledge the lessons and the blessings you’ve learned because it was part of your journey, and grab a sponge, a magic eraser, or a bucket of paint and gift yourself a clean wall.

You can only be held back by your past if you use it to reject yourself in the present.    — Robert Holden

Learn. Erase. Grow. Repeat.

Safe Spaces

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Safe Spaces

Life (and jobs and assignments and relationships and health and family and college acceptances and the weather and deadlines and cab drivers and uneven sidewalks and flight delays and . . . .) is full of unknowns and “I didn’t see that coming” moments.

Sometimes those life moments are yours to experience and sometimes those life moments are yours to witness. And whether you’re experiencing life from the “is this really happening to me?” seat, or from the observation deck, there are choices you get to make about how you show up.

If you’re in the moment, look for safe spaces (literal and figurative) in your world and be willing to ask for help — even if from complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when you get closer.

If you’re on the observation deck, look for opportunities to be the safe space for others — even for complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when they get closer.

I recently saw a phrase that struck me profoundly:

If the path ahead of you seems clear, you’re not on your path.

Each of us is progressing at our own pace, doing the best we can with what we have, and when those moments happen — either to you or in front of you — choose to connect with others and not to go it alone or to leave others alone while they are in their own moments.

We are together here on this planet for a reason; connecting illuminates our similarities, strengths and our natural ability to love one another, no matter what.

Ask for help. Connect. Serve. Love.

Look for and be a safe space wherever you are on your journey.

My gratitude to Eddy and John of Boston Fire Department Engine 8 for being just such a safe space for me.

Drop the Antlers

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Drop the Antlers

Katie is three and she recently performed a dance routine in which she portrayed a very convincing reindeer. Following the performance the dance teacher collected all of the antlers back from the children in the class, at which time Katie portrayed a very convincing three-year-old having a temper tantrum.

And almost before it started, the temper tantrum portrayal was over, as Katie fluidly moved into a portrayal of a very convincing three-year old running around with her friends and squealing with delight, reindeer antlers forgotten.

You are not three.

You perform every single day, weaving yourself in and out of presentations, conversations, projects, relationships, car lines, checkout lanes, supper preparations, laundry foldings, volunteering, civic responsibilities, and a myriad other -ings daily.

And sometimes your antlers get taken away. Do you throw a tantrum when that happens? Go ahead. Admit it.

And because you’re not three, you forgot to squeal with delight at the next thing that happened and so you keep throwing your tantrum long after the antlers have left the building.

You carry your tantrum and tell your co-workers, or your spouse, or your closest friends on Facebook, or you take your tantrum out on the bank teller processing your request, or you don’t listen to your employee because your tantrum is occupying too much space in your head, or you let the tantrum speak on your behalf when you’re stuck in traffic, or you decide it’s justified to be short with your children at the end of your workday because that tantrum wants to be heard. . . . for days and weeks on end it wants to be heard.

Tantrums are only a ruse for your ego and every time you hold onto your tantrum, your ego is using you to get all the attention. Your ego is not you. Don’t be fooled.

Katie is a walking, running, squealing expressive example of exactly what you keep forgetting: just drop the antlers.

Remember, you are not three.

Rear View Driving

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Rear View Driving

Have you ever put your car in gear and then driven to your destination by looking in the rear view mirror?

How did that work out for you?

Seems ludicrous, doesn’t it? No one could do that and keep the car on the road, ensure the safety of themselves, any passengers, or the vehicle, let alone cover any significant distance and arrive at a desired destination.

We have a tendency to steer our lives, our jobs, our relationships, and our dreams by looking backwards at what we (and others) have done in the past.

That rear view steering can look like:

  • Not trusting ourselves to make better decisions
  • Being afraid to risk anything
  • Never speaking up for ourselves
  • Not applying for a different position
  • Feeling resigned with how things are
  • Staying in relationships that don’t serve us
  • Thinking good things happen to other people
  • Assuming you don’t deserve the assignment/project
  • Resenting management for overlooking you
  • Believing you’re just not loveable or worthy

Much like it’s absurd to drive a car looking behind you, it’s equally dangerous to navigate your life based on events from your past.

The only thing the past provides is the journey that brought you here. Because wherever you are is only ever now.

When you strap the seatbelt across your chest and secure it, what do you see through the vast wonderful windshield of your life?

Where would you like to go, irrespective of where you’ve been?

Start driving.

What’s Your Guarantee?

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What's Your Guarantee?Guarantees mean something:

  • lowest price guarantee
  • quality guarantee
  • money back guarantee
  • address you by name or it’s free guarantee
  • satisfaction guarantee
  • guaranteed to work
  • lifetime guarantee
  • lasts longer guarantee
  • guaranteed approval
  • customer service guarantee

Until they don’t.

A handshake and a spoken agreement used to guarantee your word.

Guarantee your word and keep your agreements.

That’s a guaranteed system for success.

I give you my word.

All the Feelings

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All the Feelings

Events and/or others’ actions can seem to cause a rush of emotions and questions and fears, all erupting simultaneously within us.

Inherent in this “system” of reacting is a misunderstanding about the reason we are upset at all.

Commonly, we believe events and other people cause our feelings.

Because ________ happened, I’m devastated.
When __________ took place, it forced me to say something.
He said _________ and it really upset me.
She did _________ and I’m so mad because of it.
They didn’t _________ and now I’m completely frazzled.

EVENTS/PEOPLE ==> FEELINGS

However, when we pause between event and response, there is a small space in which we formulate a thought about that event, and to that thought we attach an emotional reaction.

Events and people don’t cause our emotions. Rather, our thoughts about the event or the person create the feelings.

What?!

We have the power within us to own and to control and to generate the very emotions and feelings we want to experience WHEN we see the connection between the event and the reaction.

EVENTS/PEOPLE ==> THOUGHTS ==> FEELINGS

Viktor Frankl said:

Everything can be taken from [someone] but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s own way.

Choose to be free from the emotional weight of other people’s actions and the events you do not control. Choose to emotionally experience life in a way that fills you up and not in a way that depletes you. Choose to pause — take that proverbial deep breath and count to ten — and choose what to think.

Events only provide us with information and nothing more.

Managing Up

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Managing Up

You’re given a project and assigned a deadline for its completion. You’re really excited about the assignment and already have a clear vision of the steps you’re going to take to its execution. However, you also experience an immediate sense of overwhelm because in order to really do it the right way, this assignment will take you days longer than you’ve been given.

Many of us experience fear and high stress around these (or similar) situations.

We are fearful of saying anything to our boss because they might think:

  • I’m incompetent
  • I lack initiative
  • I can’t handle the work load in this position

And we experience high volumes of stress in an effort to hide all of the above fears and push ourselves beyond our own capacity to deliver the quality we want to give and the quality expected of us.

Oftentimes, this results in poor quality output and/or other projects not being managed effectively.

What do you do?

Manage up.

This is a perfect opportunity to have a conversation with your supervisor to renegotiate the assignment and to take full ownership of its outcome and in so doing, you also drop the fear and the stress.

The objective of this conversation is not to come from a defensive, angry or frightened position. When you communicate your genuine interest in delivering exactly what’s been tasked, you can suggest you have two choices:

1. On-time delivery OR
2. Quality delivery

Which is preferred?

From that place of honest and sincere desire to serve, you can engage, connect, and create solutions that involve you in the equation.

It’s easy to slip into an internal dialogue that suggests you’re always on the losing side of projects, assignments and workload. And when that voice in your head gets louder, the more unhappy you become with your work environment.

Shift the balance and quiet the voice by speaking up and speaking out. Chances are, whoever’s handing out assignments isn’t doing so with intent to stress or incite fear in you. They want you to succeed, and you communicating the best way for you to achieve success is information they will welcome.

The alternative is to say nothing at all, continue being fearful of upper management, allow stress to wreak its havoc on you and harbor resentment about how unfair your job is.

Your call.

*Note that this method of renegotiation is just as applicable and effective in our personal relationships as it is in our professional ones.

Be sure and watch this video for some additional insight on the topic!

Headlights 101

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Headlights 101

My daughter recently got her own car and just before sending her off on her inaugural drive, we quickly ran through the obvious how-to checklist:

  • windshield wipers
  • defrost front AND back windows
  • headlights

Several weeks and many nights later, she mentioned to me that the headlights were so dim she couldn’t see the road without using her bright lights. She was scared to drive in the dark until the lights were fixed.

Together one night we sat in her car and she turned on the ignition, turned to me and gesturing through the front windshield said, “See?!”

“I see you haven’t turned on the headlights yet,” I replied.

“They’re on right now!” she insisted.

“Turn the dial again and see what happens,” I suggested.

Sure enough, with one additional turn of the dial the headlights flared and she exclaimed, “But those are the bright lights!”

“No, those are your regular lights. The high beams require a little extra effort to activate,” I laughed, thinking about her sneaking around with only her parking lights for guidance while there were other cars on the road, and as soon as she was alone, she would turn on her regular lights.

How many of us metaphorically drive around with our dim parking lights, unsure of how to turn on our regular lights or nervous to use our light in front of others?

You don’t have to drastically change your life, quit what you’re doing, leave your relationship, start your own business or relocate your family. You don’t even need to dust off your list of long-ago abandoned resolutions.

Just turn up your light where you are right now and see if things appear brighter because you are now shining one dial brighter than before.

Props & Costumes

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Props & Costumes

I well remember our childhood toy chest, hand-crafted by my Uncle Tom, large enough to hold three to four small children, along with (but not comfortably) some metal Tonka trucks and the Fisher Price Little People, their house and their barn.

Buried inside that big box (in addition to a generation of toys) were an assortment of hats, dresses, shoes, jewelry, purses, briefcases, and general bedlam: the perfect combination for any child’s imagination to soar.

We never needed to wait for Halloween to reinvent ourselves; we only needed a few props from the toy box plus our very active minds to create and recreate and create again who we would become on any given day.

And wow — the feeling of being someone else is magical — I can still easily connect with that emotion from my younger years!

While Halloween may be the perfect excuse to play dress up and to “make believe” and to transform ourselves into whoever and whatever we want, it’s not necessary.

Today, right now, just do it.

With a few props you already have at home and the raging imagination that’s lain dormant for too long inside of you, you have everything you need to become whatever you want! Try someone else on for a day or for an hour or for an afternoon.

Your big proposal to that potential new client who doesn’t know you? Wear a power suit or a brightly-colored tie you borrow from a friend whose presentation skills you admire.

Need to conduct a performance review and you’re nervous about saying the right thing? Practice using some words and phrases you wouldn’t “normally” say but your favorite tv personality would.

Not the type to rush in and “save the moment”? What if you were wearing a cape? Imagine you are and step into your greatness. Better yet — buy yourself some adult superhero underwear and WEAR THEM. No one but you will know and just like Clark Kent you’re suddenly walking around with superpowers.

Who’s your hero? Your better version of yourself? The person you wish you could be?

What props are buried at the bottom of your toy chest? Dig them out, shake them off and try them on for a little while.

When you believe you can’t, simply pretend to be the person who would and then do.

Easy.

allarminda.com | 2024