Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Echoes from the Past

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Echoes from the Past

If you look closely you will see the handprint on the wall.

I am not ashamed to admit I left it there in its perfectly-smudged form for about ten years and every time I flipped on the light in that room I could see that handprint, an echo of my past.

No one else knew about that hand smudge; it was my secret ritualistic game to look for it always waving at me every single time I entered the room.

Some months ago I had the entire room painted, including that spot, although for a brief moment I entertained the thought of framing that handprint and painting around it so as to preserve that tiny reminder of what used to be.

That handprint is a lot like our real-life made up echoes from our past. We’ve all got them. They’re the stories we believe about ourselves and about:

  • why we are who we are
  • why we do what we do
  • why we can’t help ourselves
  • why we behave in cyclical patterns that show up again and again, on repeat

Those are echoes, stories, see-able only by you every time you walk into that room of your past, the one with the handprint still on the wall because you’re holding onto it for sentimental reasons, and you have a ritual of seeking it out without anyone else noticing it waving at you.

Does that handprint/echo/story really serve you to keep it there?

Just as I could have easily wiped down the wall and erased the handprint, you, too, can erase the handprints that you’re currently keeping. Those handprints might be holding you back, inviting you into a past that no longer exists.

Say goodbye to the handprint, acknowledge the lessons and the blessings you’ve learned because it was part of your journey, and grab a sponge, a magic eraser, or a bucket of paint and gift yourself a clean wall.

You can only be held back by your past if you use it to reject yourself in the present.    — Robert Holden

Learn. Erase. Grow. Repeat.

Safe Spaces

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Safe Spaces

Life (and jobs and assignments and relationships and health and family and college acceptances and the weather and deadlines and cab drivers and uneven sidewalks and flight delays and . . . .) is full of unknowns and “I didn’t see that coming” moments.

Sometimes those life moments are yours to experience and sometimes those life moments are yours to witness. And whether you’re experiencing life from the “is this really happening to me?” seat, or from the observation deck, there are choices you get to make about how you show up.

If you’re in the moment, look for safe spaces (literal and figurative) in your world and be willing to ask for help — even if from complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when you get closer.

If you’re on the observation deck, look for opportunities to be the safe space for others — even for complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when they get closer.

I recently saw a phrase that struck me profoundly:

If the path ahead of you seems clear, you’re not on your path.

Each of us is progressing at our own pace, doing the best we can with what we have, and when those moments happen — either to you or in front of you — choose to connect with others and not to go it alone or to leave others alone while they are in their own moments.

We are together here on this planet for a reason; connecting illuminates our similarities, strengths and our natural ability to love one another, no matter what.

Ask for help. Connect. Serve. Love.

Look for and be a safe space wherever you are on your journey.

My gratitude to Eddy and John of Boston Fire Department Engine 8 for being just such a safe space for me.

Treadmill Running

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Just because you’ve been running on a treadmill doesn’t negate the benefits of that exercise. And just because you discover you’re “still” working on a recurring theme in your life doesn’t negate the significant work you’ve already done. Keep running. You’re doing great work.

013: Monica Day Interview

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Monica Day Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Monica Day

I first met Monica in downtown London on a (purportedly rare) sunny summer afternoon. She was so willing to speak with me, to answer my (what felt like a bazillion) questions, to have a meaningful conversation with me and about me, without her own agenda clouding the space between us.

We’ve stayed connected ever since and I’m honored to have her on the show. I am certain you, too, will connect with her frank and honest approach to every. single. topic. she discusses.

Today’s conversation is an invitation to you to consider the interconnectedness of creativity, expression and sensuality because Monica is the champion for their integration in every aspect of our lives.

Referenced in this Episode:

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman

Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth

Maps to Ecstasy by Gabrielle Roth

The Second Circle: How to Use Positive Energy for Success in Every Situation by Patsy Rodenburg

Whenever one person resolves one issue, all of humanity moves forward.

— Ron Hulnick, PhD

Monica’s Bio:

Monica Day is a writer, artist, creator, producer, performer, coach, entrepreneur and instigator, with a deep commitment to an ever-unfolding personal journey. She brings a unique combination of training in creativity, sensuality, diversity, and business to her work.

She is the founder of The Sensual Life, the producer and creator of The Power of One program, is an Integrative Coach to individuals, executives, and groups, and runs Ducky Life Tea with her two daughters. She has developed a unique approach to coaching that focuses on integrating the scattered self into the most powerful, purest, and fully-expressed self. She coaches a diverse range of individuals from business leaders to social change activists and everything in between.

Her innovative individual and group programs cover topics from sensuality to creativity to business to larger social issues of race and oppression (often in the same session). By forging powerful links between the private self to the public self, clients eventually realize an unprecedented feeling of wholeness that is life-changing. Her coaching is based on the premise that the more connected we are to every part of ourselves, the more connected we can be with one another, and the bigger impact we can have during our time here on the planet.

Loving you,
arminda

Drop the Antlers

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Drop the Antlers

Katie is three and she recently performed a dance routine in which she portrayed a very convincing reindeer. Following the performance the dance teacher collected all of the antlers back from the children in the class, at which time Katie portrayed a very convincing three-year-old having a temper tantrum.

And almost before it started, the temper tantrum portrayal was over, as Katie fluidly moved into a portrayal of a very convincing three-year old running around with her friends and squealing with delight, reindeer antlers forgotten.

You are not three.

You perform every single day, weaving yourself in and out of presentations, conversations, projects, relationships, car lines, checkout lanes, supper preparations, laundry foldings, volunteering, civic responsibilities, and a myriad other -ings daily.

And sometimes your antlers get taken away. Do you throw a tantrum when that happens? Go ahead. Admit it.

And because you’re not three, you forgot to squeal with delight at the next thing that happened and so you keep throwing your tantrum long after the antlers have left the building.

You carry your tantrum and tell your co-workers, or your spouse, or your closest friends on Facebook, or you take your tantrum out on the bank teller processing your request, or you don’t listen to your employee because your tantrum is occupying too much space in your head, or you let the tantrum speak on your behalf when you’re stuck in traffic, or you decide it’s justified to be short with your children at the end of your workday because that tantrum wants to be heard. . . . for days and weeks on end it wants to be heard.

Tantrums are only a ruse for your ego and every time you hold onto your tantrum, your ego is using you to get all the attention. Your ego is not you. Don’t be fooled.

Katie is a walking, running, squealing expressive example of exactly what you keep forgetting: just drop the antlers.

Remember, you are not three.

Rear View Driving

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Rear View Driving

Have you ever put your car in gear and then driven to your destination by looking in the rear view mirror?

How did that work out for you?

Seems ludicrous, doesn’t it? No one could do that and keep the car on the road, ensure the safety of themselves, any passengers, or the vehicle, let alone cover any significant distance and arrive at a desired destination.

We have a tendency to steer our lives, our jobs, our relationships, and our dreams by looking backwards at what we (and others) have done in the past.

That rear view steering can look like:

  • Not trusting ourselves to make better decisions
  • Being afraid to risk anything
  • Never speaking up for ourselves
  • Not applying for a different position
  • Feeling resigned with how things are
  • Staying in relationships that don’t serve us
  • Thinking good things happen to other people
  • Assuming you don’t deserve the assignment/project
  • Resenting management for overlooking you
  • Believing you’re just not loveable or worthy

Much like it’s absurd to drive a car looking behind you, it’s equally dangerous to navigate your life based on events from your past.

The only thing the past provides is the journey that brought you here. Because wherever you are is only ever now.

When you strap the seatbelt across your chest and secure it, what do you see through the vast wonderful windshield of your life?

Where would you like to go, irrespective of where you’ve been?

Start driving.

012: Traditions

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Traditions

The All Arminda Virtual Show, episode 12

Spoiler Alert: Arminda reveals what she does not eat and how that informs what she does eat for traditional holiday feasts.

Note: The spoiler alert mentioned above has little to do with the intention of this episode, which is really asking yourself the following questions:

Are you committed to the tradition of your traditions?

How can you reinvent the way (and why) you do what you do every day?

Are you stuck in a traditional way of living your life that might be fun to shake up to see what happens?

Remove the (made up) meaning from just one of your traditions and tell me what you see!

Loving you,
arminda

What’s Your Guarantee?

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What's Your Guarantee?Guarantees mean something:

  • lowest price guarantee
  • quality guarantee
  • money back guarantee
  • address you by name or it’s free guarantee
  • satisfaction guarantee
  • guaranteed to work
  • lifetime guarantee
  • lasts longer guarantee
  • guaranteed approval
  • customer service guarantee

Until they don’t.

A handshake and a spoken agreement used to guarantee your word.

Guarantee your word and keep your agreements.

That’s a guaranteed system for success.

I give you my word.

All the Feelings

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All the Feelings

Events and/or others’ actions can seem to cause a rush of emotions and questions and fears, all erupting simultaneously within us.

Inherent in this “system” of reacting is a misunderstanding about the reason we are upset at all.

Commonly, we believe events and other people cause our feelings.

Because ________ happened, I’m devastated.
When __________ took place, it forced me to say something.
He said _________ and it really upset me.
She did _________ and I’m so mad because of it.
They didn’t _________ and now I’m completely frazzled.

EVENTS/PEOPLE ==> FEELINGS

However, when we pause between event and response, there is a small space in which we formulate a thought about that event, and to that thought we attach an emotional reaction.

Events and people don’t cause our emotions. Rather, our thoughts about the event or the person create the feelings.

What?!

We have the power within us to own and to control and to generate the very emotions and feelings we want to experience WHEN we see the connection between the event and the reaction.

EVENTS/PEOPLE ==> THOUGHTS ==> FEELINGS

Viktor Frankl said:

Everything can be taken from [someone] but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s own way.

Choose to be free from the emotional weight of other people’s actions and the events you do not control. Choose to emotionally experience life in a way that fills you up and not in a way that depletes you. Choose to pause — take that proverbial deep breath and count to ten — and choose what to think.

Events only provide us with information and nothing more.

allarminda.com | 2024