stuck

Frozen Assets

December 12, 2016 By Arminda

Earlier today as I was walking Eli we came upon what appeared to be a frozen fountain. Upon closer inspection I realized while the fountain’s main water had, indeed, frozen, there was still quite a bit of water still freely flowing, uninhibited by the sub-zero temperatures to which its fellow drops had succumbed.

Earlier this week I conducted multiple coaching sessions with clients who each arrived to our respective conversation feeling stuck and unable to move past what seemed like insurmountable barriers. Here’s a sampling of four of those barriers:

1. Frustration with a business partner whose actions had offended a key vendor
2. A marketing plan that didn’t seem to be producing the desired results
3. Overwhelm from starting a new business and implementing multiple strategies simultaneously
4. Personal issues that were “leaking” into the professional space

Upon closer inspection, some targeted questioning from me, and a safe space in which to review their assets, my clients were each able to see avenues to continue moving forward, uninhibited by the surrounding events previously blocking their path.

When we had completed our time together every single one of those “stuck” individuals experienced an overflow of joy that accompanied their awareness that sometimes, or perhaps especially, when feeling stuck it might do to remember Winnie the Pooh‘s sage advice:

Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.”

Remember that being stuck is optional and if you need some assistance just let me know what’s in your way; I’m happy to stand on the bottom rail with you.

Loving you,
arminda

A Pirate’s Life For Me

August 15, 2016 By Arminda

Once upon a time I bought a brand new mattress. And just a few short months later I came home to discover my neurotic, anxiety-ridden, beloved dog Eli had artistically rearranged my mattress and created a hiding hole for me to use inside of that brand new mattress, which hole would be especially handy should I decide to become a pirate.

Did I get upset? For a moment, yes, before I considered why Eli might have gifted me with his reimagined version of what a mattress could look like or do for me.

Since I had no immediate plans for piracy, I set about re-stuffing the mattress and as it turns out, every bit of fluff that came out of the mattress fit right back in again and a little bit of duct tape over the opening held it all in place.

Have you ever had a catastrophe strike? At work? Or home? Or personally? Not likely. You only think you’ve had catastrophes. My mattress makeover was never a catastrophe, except in my mind. My upset was a reaction to a belief I made up in my own head.

Upset is a choice, not a consequence.

Yes, I could be angry at Eli, but what would that prove or fix? The mattress wasn’t ruined, just redesigned. Was it useable? Completely. The best course of action for me to take in my estimation was to connect better with Eli; to understand why he’d dug the hole so I could then support and love him beyond the fear that caused the behavior in the first place.

I like to remind myself that nothing outside of me causes my upsets. And when I find myself in an upset, the best course of action for me to take is to connect better with myself, to understand the internal hole I’m standing in so I can support and love myself beyond the fear that caused the triggering event in the first place.

Don’t throw out the mattress; it’s 100% useable. That hole is not a catastrophe. Your upset is not the end of the world, nor is your upset anyone’s “fault.” Unless you have plans to stash buried treasure and strike out as a pirate, quietly, slowly and intentionally put your fluff back and get some duct tape to hold it in place.

And if you find yourself in an upset more often than you care to admit, and before you blame the dog, may I encourage you to quietly, slowly and intentionally put your arms around yourself and give a squeeze. Remind You that everything is okay and whatever holes feel empty inside of you are fillable; your fluff might be a bit scattered, but it isn’t lost.

Loving you,
arminda

Feeling Stuck

March 7, 2016 By Arminda

Sometimes we feel stuck.

It’s completely and totally normal to feel stuck sometimes.

Please be kind to yourself if you’re looking down and experiencing stuck.

Please also don’t forget to remember that stuck is only temporary.

Here are some questions I like to use with a “stuck” client in our work to “unstuck” them and if they’re useful, please answer them for yourself.

Note: Before these questions can be useful for you, slow down your thoughts and don’t attach meaning to the feeling of stuck that you’re experiencing. It’s important that you not be in a place of judgement against yourself that “stuck” is bad and therefore nothing good can happen. Open yourself up to the possibilities these questions can provide for you as you answer them from the remarkable resource of your own resourcefulness and knowing.

Is it true that you’re completely and totally stuck?
From your vantage point, what do you see?
Is there any benefit to this that you’re able to notice?
How might you use this experience advantageously?
Given your current situation, what resources or options might be available to you
What would you like to create?