Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Peace by Piece

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Peace by Piece

Puzzles are curious toys: put all the related, but disconnected, pieces together to form a big picture, but don’t get frustrated in the process and quit, because the reward for sticking with it is intrinsic and will leave the player wanting to do it all over again, only a little bit more challenging next time.

Children learn the system of puzzle solving by first playing with puzzles that have only four or five components. Once they’ve mastered the small picture, they graduate themselves to larger and larger pictures, increasing the personal challenge with each subsequent upgrade in puzzle size, and the bigger the puzzle the more reliant on systems they become. Locate the four corners, then the border pieces, colors become helpful in identifying in which quadrant the piece might fit best, fill in the middle part, and so on, and piece by piece the bigger picture takes shape until it’s all completed, just as the picture on the box indicated it would look.

During a recent coaching session my client shared with me her frustration at how overwhelming her job currently feels to her. She detailed the multiple demands on her time in an effort to explain how impossible it is, and perhaps to justify her exhaustion and frustration. Maybe, she wondered, she’d taken on too much? Or just doesn’t know how best to manage her time?

I didn’t buy it.

Does she love her work? Absolutely.
Is she in her own self-selected ideal field? Definitely.
Is she feeling at peace in her work life? Nope.

This is a classic example of forgetting to remember that the picture on the box is the end objective and that picture is never created by dumping the puzzle pieces out of the box.

Remember that the vision of what it all will look like upon completion is just that: a vision, an image, a picture of what’s possible only after you take a bunch of individual steps to create that bigger picture. If you’re holding yourself to the standard of daily creation of the big picture you will experience overwhelm, frustration, resentment, exhaustion, self-judgment and fear.

But only all the time.

If you’re experiencing overwhelm and are not at peace, may I suggest you test a new system? Locate your four corners, then establish your borders (create boundaries), and notice the colors on the pieces because that will inform in which quadrant of your creation they might fit best, and lastly fill in the middle part.

This might take some practice, but play with it. Ask yourself what one next step could you take toward the bigger picture? Then take it, do it, create it, whatever IT is. Now, rinse, lather and repeat that process until you’ve put it all together and voila! You’ve got yourself a completed picture. Time to create a new vision and play with its pieces from a place of peace because you didn’t quit and walk away when you forgot to remember it was all a game, anyway.

Find your peace, piece by piece.

Loving you all,
arminda

Ingredient List

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Ingredient List

Best Tomato Salad Ever

Fresh Tomato, chopped in slightly larger than bite-sized pieces
Fresh Basil, ripped to taste
Oregano, to taste
Sea Salt, to taste
Fresh Pepper, to taste
Olive Oil, to taste

Mix all ingredients together and serve

I love food. I especially love when I can taste every single ingredient in a dish and those blended flavors create magic for me.

Basic, fresh, locally-sourced ingredients combine to make the most mouth-watering concoction you’ve ever experienced. Well, at least that I’ve ever experienced. Maybe tomato salad isn’t your thing. No worries.

Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good. — Alice May Brock

Imagine (just for a moment) yourself as a dish of food. What would be on your list of ingredients? Take a few minutes and consider the qualities and characteristics that make you, you. Write them down and hold the list in front of you and read it out loud. Don’t be afraid to identify what’s truly there, each and every flavor whose distinctive essences combine to create the most exquisite flavor palate that is you.

Did you leave off a key ingredient? Add it to your list. Now read it again. Is it complete?

If you’re afraid of butter, use cream. ― Julia Child

The best combinations are those with the fewest ingredients. Don’t compare your list with what you think comprises someone else’s list.

If you show up wholly and completely as yourself, with your basic and internally-sourced ingredients, what makes you amazing?

I know you’re amazing; I just want to be sure you see it, too.

The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of the human race than the discovery of a star. — Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Send me an email {coach@armindalindsay.com} and share your personal ingredient list with me so I can marvel at the magic of the creation of you.

I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work. Let God worry about your modesty; I want to see your enthusiasm. — Robert Farrar Capon

Don’t Double Waffle Me!

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Don't Double Waffle Me

The Scene

Florence provided so many delicious eats, which usually meant gelato for my daughter and fruit for me since I’m highly allergic to dairy. One sunny afternoon we were ready for a taste of something and wondered what to get for my treat since we had yet to find any vegan gelato in Florence. At that very moment our noses were filled with the most delicious and sweet aroma as we walked past a shop that sells customizable waffles! What?!

The Setup

We immediately went inside and I ordered a waffle. The salesman asked if I wanted a topping, pointing to a variety of options, most of which were off-limits to me with my dairy restrictions. I settled on mixed berries and shaved coconut, slowly explaining “no milk, no cream” for me, and I was getting excited to taste my concoction. He nodded in agreement, scooped a generous spoonful of berries onto my waffle, sprinkled coconut on top of that and then turned his back to me and I realized he was smothering the entire waffle, berries & coconut with whipped cream. I called out to him to stop and he turned to look at me perplexed and I smiled and said again, “No cream!” He then proceeded to scrape off the cream, as if to give me the waffle once creamed now sans cream, and I smiled, shook my head, and said, “No,” knowing I can’t have the traces of any dairy at all. Visibly disgruntled, he set the entire creation aside and made me a new one, much to my satisfaction.

The Showdown

Meanwhile, Lindsay was building a fabulous option for her own eating and our two finished waffles were placed side-by-side on the counter. Just as I was reaching into my wallet for money, the salesman placed a second waffle on top of each of our waffle masterpieces — creating two waffle sandwiches. Baffled, I looked at the menu board, quickly perusing the options and there, listed as the most expensive option, was the “double waffle,” which neither of us had requested, nor had we been asked if it was wanted. These were two very assumptive counter clerks. I immediately said, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” The two top waffles were removed, I then paid what we owed and we left the shop waffles in-hand.

We were delighted with how delicious the waffles tasted, given how stressful it had been to get exactly what we wanted, particularly because I was clearly, slowly and deliberately communicating throughout the entire process, and might as well not have been for all they weren’t paying attention.

The Scrumptious

It is imperative to always always always use your voice in loving kindness and in your power but use your voice. Communicate, express, create, share, acknowledge, request, but use your voice. Your power is amplified when you use it. You are the only one advocating for you. Don’t wait for someone else to speak your truth; you’re the only one who knows it.

When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. — Shannon L. Alder

And if you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s voice? Hear it. Acknowledge it. Validate it. Celebrate it. No one says you have to agree, but listening is a gift of the greatest and noblest kind.

As W.H. Auden reminds us, “All I have is a voice.”

Use the voice that is yours.

Also, you can now use the catchy phrase, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” whenever you like; it applies in all sorts of situations.

You’re welcome.

Loving you,
arminda

Willing to Bloom

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Willing to Bloom

Nothing in the universe thinks there is anything wrong with you. 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

I love living into my magnificence and supporting others in their desire to do the same in their lives. Those “others” are my loved ones: my family, friends, neighbors, clients, workshop participants, retreat attendees, readers of my articles, viewers of my videos, vendors, store clerks, peers, classmates, followers on social media, and anyone with whom I come in contact.

What does it mean to live into your magnificence? To be exceptional? It means you are open to continuous expansion of self and that expansion is achieved through a willingness to surrender your belief system, to be open to another story, another possibility, to be vulnerable.

How do you commit the surrender? You expose your old stories, one at a time, and write new ones. You own your vulnerability. You face your fears. You make courageous self-honoring choices rather than constantly seeking to please those around you. You see that you cannot possibly be in service to others without first being willing to be in service to yourself.

“Can you see what’s really happening here? You are the actor in your own story, but you are acting as if your story about you is a biography, not an autobiography.” 
— Robert Holden, Ph.D.

What does this surrender look like? 

  • not resisting
  • not defending
  • not justifying
  • not hiding
  • not puffing
  • not pretending
  • not covering up
  • not excusing
  • not deferring
  • choosing YOU

Dr. Brene Brown teaches that “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.” This living into magnificence takes courage, for it is a scary thing to face your fears. Why is that, you might wonder? Because fears cover up our deepest hurts and if our deepest hurts were to be exposed, well, that might be embarrassing, or painful, or lonely, or true, or all of the above! In fact, you might fear the greatest fear of all: that you’re not lovable or worthy.

“The real you is not afraid of love, because the real you is made of love.”
—Dr. Robert Holden

Dr. Ron Hulnick suggests that the easiest way to overcome a fear is to do the very thing that scares you while fully in your fear of doing it!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson)

Step into your fears. You are courageous. Liberate yourself from its grasp on you. Believe in your own magnificence and not in your limitations. Be willing to blossom. One petal at a time.

Loving you,
arminda

Caesar Salad

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Caesar Salad

I love a good Caesar Salad; the one I make at home is my favorite. Wait. Actually, the version I make is the only Caesar Salad I ever eat. I’m particular that way. Julius Caesar, as it turns out, has nothing to do with our obsession with Caesar Salad. The man credited with the creation of said salad is an Italian-born chef named Caesar Cardini. Stories conflict with the exact reason Chef Cardini threw together the exact ingredients he did, but regardless of the reason, in the early 1920s an amazing salad was born.

Julius Caesar, as it turns out, was so popular a ruler in Ancient Rome that after the senators decided to murder him they had a public outcry on their hands to which they had to respond quickly before the widespread displeasure put them out of their jobs. Their solution? They agreed to cremate Julius Caesar in the public forum and then they deified him.

And on the site where the 23 stab assassination took place now stand three trees.

It’s the trees I want to discuss.

I don’t know what variety of tree they are — all over Rome are planted amazing umbrella pines, but I believe they’re also this same beautiful evergreen.

I come from a large family with seven siblings. My mom was always having a baby — or so it seemed. More significantly, each time a baby joined our family, my father planted an evergreen in that child’s honor. These trees were special focal points in our yard as we watched them grow through the years alongside the child for whom the tree had been planted.

Just like the three trees in Rome impress upon me their significance because of the point in history they represent, the trees my father planted with love to commemorate the birth of new members into our family fill me with love and gratitude.

And just like the trees in Rome or in my dad’s yard, you also have visible (to you) plantings you have made at the most significant moments in your life.

1. What are those moments?
2. What did you plant to commemorate the event?
3. How do you feel when you look at those internal trees today and the growth you’ve experienced since they were planted?
4. How can you acknowledge yourself for your own historical significance?

Make yourself a big bowl of Caesar Salad and catalog your own historical significance.

Do more than casually consider a moment and call this exercise complete.

Really ponder and consider which parts of your history are most significant and why. Write it down. And after you feel your list is complete, read it out loud to yourself, or talk through each event and why it made the final list. Then really acknowledge yourself for where you are today as a result of how you’ve grown.

Loving you,
Arminda

Growth Spurt

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Growth SpurtAs a little girl I experienced severe growing pains, particularly in my legs. I often woke in the night hurting so much I would cry out and into my room would come my father, with his soothing voice to calm me and take me in his arms to assure me everything was alright. I can still feel the exhaustion of my small body lying rigid and wracked with pain, hot wet tears forcing their way through my closed lids, dropping off the short cliff at the corners of my eyes, cascading into cold pools inside my ear cavities. My father would gently massage the calves of my legs with rubbing alcohol, all the while reminding me that everything was alright, that sometimes growing bigger can hurt, but the hurt wouldn’t last, and that my legs would be stronger in the morning.

At the time my own young daughter started experiencing growing pains of her own, she and I were living with my parents. When she cried out in the night it was my father who would go to her room, rubbing alcohol in-hand, with his soothing assurances of how okay everything was. Even after she and I moved into our own home, whenever the middle of the night pains showed up, my very little growing girl would phone her grandfather, waking him from his sleep, and he would get dressed, drive to our house (rubbing alcohol in-hand) and calmly put her back to sleep with his soothing reminders of how much stronger she would be in the morning.

I am so grateful to my dad for guiding me through the pain of physical growth and for showing me how to care for myself when I’m growing internally. What I understand today that was difficult for me to understand as a little girl in the middle of the night:

1. Massage elevates serotonin, dopamine & oxytocin levels. Serotonin and dopamine are neurotransmitters secreted in the brain and oxytocin is a hormone — all three of which are elevated through massage and touch! Studies on the benefits of each of these have shown lots of things, but primary to our discussion here is that increased levels of these naturally-occurring goodies is a promoted sense of well-being, contentment, and decreased levels of anxiety. Get a pedicure and ask for an extra long massage on your feet and calves. Schedule a full-body or neck and shoulder massage. Get a hug. Give a hug. This doesn’t have to be difficult or cost any money.

2. Growth sometimes hurts. While pain is not a prerequisite for growth, just know that painful growth moments are very normal. Hurt is not a singular episode; it recurs and shows up when it’s least expected and is rarely, if ever, welcome. Also know that everyone experiences hurt. Everyone.

3. The hurt won’t last. I promise; it won’t be forever. If you can relax and take deeper breaths, your attention will shift away from the severe pain and you’ll soon gain the slightest distance from the epicenter of hurt. Breathe even more deeply into that space and gain more distance. Repeat.

4. You are okay. Look around. Is there someone to remind you how okay you are? Someone who understands the hurt of growth because they’ve experienced growth, too? Someone who can hold the space for you to hurt or to hold you literally while you feel it all. (It’s very important that this person not judge your hurt, or justify your hurting through validating the actions of another person as “against” you.) Find that person. For me that person is my coach.

5. Sleep makes everything better. Being tired and hurting are a bad combination. There is perspective and understanding to be gained through proper rest. But only every time.

6. You’ll be stronger tomorrow than you feel today. In my most painful moments I have always remembered that tomorrow will not only be different, but better, as long as I don’t refuse the lesson the hurt provides me.

And always always remember, I’m here. I’m holding this space for you to feel all the feelings, loving you and believing in you and knowing that you are okay. Reply to this email if you need some personal encouragement and a reminder that you are simply experiencing a growth spurt.

Charlotte’s Web

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CharlottesWeb

Meet Charlotte.

She lives in my herb garden. Directly behind Charlotte to your left is my mint and to your right, the rosemary. Charlotte cares nothing for my herbs. She’s much more interested in the garden fence between which she constructed her large web. A common yellow garden spider (Argiope aurantia), Charlotte is completely harmless to humans and unrelenting in her efforts to live fully each day.

I check in on her every morning. I have a chat with her, acknowledge her latest catches, express astonishment at her ingenuity, speed and cleaning of her dinner plate.

Notice that fancy vertical zig zag running through the center of Charlotte’s web? Every single night before she sleeps, Charlotte eats that center zig zag portion of her web and weaves a new zig zag center, strong and reinforced, ready for her next day’s unknown adventures.

Charlotte believes in the power of reinvention.

She isn’t wasting any of her precious time missing yesterday’s web.

She chooses daily to come from an even stronger core.

She is ferocious in protecting her center and is relentless in her efforts to make it better.

The center of Charlotte’s web is her epicenter for growth.

Charlotte is remarkable.

She’s not messing around. She’s living out loud.

Need me to weave the metaphor for you into the web?

Nah. You’ve got this.

Channel your inner remarkable.

allarminda.com | 2024