Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Peace by Piece

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Peace by Piece

Puzzles are curious toys: put all the related, but disconnected, pieces together to form a big picture, but don’t get frustrated in the process and quit, because the reward for sticking with it is intrinsic and will leave the player wanting to do it all over again, only a little bit more challenging next time.

Children learn the system of puzzle solving by first playing with puzzles that have only four or five components. Once they’ve mastered the small picture, they graduate themselves to larger and larger pictures, increasing the personal challenge with each subsequent upgrade in puzzle size, and the bigger the puzzle the more reliant on systems they become. Locate the four corners, then the border pieces, colors become helpful in identifying in which quadrant the piece might fit best, fill in the middle part, and so on, and piece by piece the bigger picture takes shape until it’s all completed, just as the picture on the box indicated it would look.

During a recent coaching session my client shared with me her frustration at how overwhelming her job currently feels to her. She detailed the multiple demands on her time in an effort to explain how impossible it is, and perhaps to justify her exhaustion and frustration. Maybe, she wondered, she’d taken on too much? Or just doesn’t know how best to manage her time?

I didn’t buy it.

Does she love her work? Absolutely.
Is she in her own self-selected ideal field? Definitely.
Is she feeling at peace in her work life? Nope.

This is a classic example of forgetting to remember that the picture on the box is the end objective and that picture is never created by dumping the puzzle pieces out of the box.

Remember that the vision of what it all will look like upon completion is just that: a vision, an image, a picture of what’s possible only after you take a bunch of individual steps to create that bigger picture. If you’re holding yourself to the standard of daily creation of the big picture you will experience overwhelm, frustration, resentment, exhaustion, self-judgment and fear.

But only all the time.

If you’re experiencing overwhelm and are not at peace, may I suggest you test a new system? Locate your four corners, then establish your borders (create boundaries), and notice the colors on the pieces because that will inform in which quadrant of your creation they might fit best, and lastly fill in the middle part.

This might take some practice, but play with it. Ask yourself what one next step could you take toward the bigger picture? Then take it, do it, create it, whatever IT is. Now, rinse, lather and repeat that process until you’ve put it all together and voila! You’ve got yourself a completed picture. Time to create a new vision and play with its pieces from a place of peace because you didn’t quit and walk away when you forgot to remember it was all a game, anyway.

Find your peace, piece by piece.

Loving you all,
arminda

For Whom the Bell Tolls

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For Whom the Bell Tolls

My dog Eli is not food-motivated. (And until he joined our family we had no idea such a dog even existed!) This means we sometimes cajole, bribe, strongly encourage, throw impromptu dance parties, and sit beside of him to get him to eat or complete a meal. It also means that when Eli does finish the food in his bowl we celebrate BIG.

My dog is also an alarmist. A false one.

For reasons I have yet to understand, Eli often lies to me about having (not) eaten the food in his bowl. He comes to get me when there is still a lot of food left and the best I can do is remind him, again, to eat his food before he comes to tell me.

I want to celebrate him, to encourage and to recognize what for Eli is a huge accomplishment. And I know he loves our twice-daily ritualistic parties in his honor. Perhaps that’s why he comes to get me — hoping I won’t notice the still-full bowl so we can get on with the after-party.

Are there members of your team you’re constantly cajoling, bribing, strongly encouraging, dance partying and sitting beside just to get them to complete assignments and projects? Do you feel like you’re throwing massive parties in their honor just because they turned in a report on time?

Or am I describing YOU: Unmotivated, lacking enthusiasm, general ho-hum attitude about completing what’s been put in front of you? Are you waiting for someone else to throw you a dance party and notice what little, if any, progress you’ve made before you do anything else?

Eli doesn’t eat sometimes because he doesn’t want to eat. That’s it.

If you’ve got employees and team members who aren’t doing something, it’s because they don’t want to.

If you’re the one not completing a task you’ve either been given or that you assigned yourself, it’s because you don’t want to.

Motivation isn’t a thing; don’t get caught up in that misunderstanding.

I can no easier motivate my dog to eat his food, than I can motivate my daughter to clean her room, than I can motivate myself to balance my checkbook. If Eli doesn’t want to eat he won’t. If my daughter doesn’t want to clean her room, she won’t. And because I don’t want to balance my checkbook, I don’t; I pay my accountant to do it for me because he wants to do that sort of thing.

You can’t motivate anyone (yourself included) to do anything.

Dwight D. Eisenhower had it figured out when he said,

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

The “trick” that Eli understands is agreement. Our agreement is simple: when Eli finishes a meal, I agree to jump up and down, loudly declare his awesomeness and give him treats. Simple. When he doesn’t keep his part of the agreement (eating his food), I do not jump up and down or give him treats. (I do declare his awesomeness all the time; that can’t be helped.)

What agreements are you creating with your employees? What agreements are you creating with yourself? Are your employees in the right role? Are you leading in such a way that your team is accomplishing what you want because they want to do it?

While that food agreement is in place, it’s not until Eli decides to eat that he eats.

If you’re not feeling motivated to go to the gym, do you wait until you are? You’ll likely be waiting a long time to feel motivated. Some things just have to be decided. Don’t wait around to feel anything.

Decide and Do. Get motivated later.

loving you,
arminda

Let’s Talk About Goals

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Let's Talk About Goals

Steve Chandler said,

It’s not what a goal IS that matters; it’s what a goal DOES. So when you think of this goal, what does it do for you? Your goals are creations; you create goals to serve yourself. The goal is supposed to serve you.

WHAT?!!!!

Back up. Rewind. Reread.

No wonder we get discouraged and don’t feel excited about the novel we committed to write, or the gym membership we paid to use, or the sales number we pulled out of a hat, or the company projection we’re anticipating, or the global domination we intend to execute.

When you think you’re not motivated to act on that goal it has little to nothing to do with you; it’s the goal, itself. Chances are you set the goal because of what it represents and not for what it does.

I’m all about vision and creating amazing things AND I know I can’t jump farther than I can jump.

Let me put it another way: If I’m not walking around excited about what I’m creating and in the act of DOING it then I know my goals are clearly under the IS column and not the DOES column.

Right now is a perfect time to review your goals. Are they serving you, or is it just a goal for the sake of being a goal?

LITMUS TEST

Are you looking for ways to motivate yourself toward actively accomplishing your goal?

Do you feel “less than” or embarrassed because you’re not working toward your goal?

Does looking at or thinking about your goal incite fear, frustration, overwhelm or excuses?

SOLUTION

Create a smaller goal that DOES for you what a self-help book never will: keeps you in action in your own life.

That, my friend, is serving you.

#thatwaseasy

Love It or Want It?

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loveitorwantit

“If I were giving a motivational speech, I’d say that, if you want to be successful and make a real contribution to the world, you have to be intrinsically motivated by the work you do, and you have to feel good about spending your days on it. Love might grow–and it’s a wonderful thing if it does–but you don’t need it up front. You can succeed just by wanting something to exist that doesn’t already.” — Jason Fried*

Let’s look at this again: “You can succeed just by wanting something to exist that doesn’t already.”

That’s it. Just want it enough and the path of how-to opens with each and every single step you take closer toward that something.

One step. And then another.

You’ve got this.

*Jason Fried is co-founder of 37signals, a Chicago-based software firm, and co-author of the book Rework, which was published in 2010. He also writes Inc.’s Get Real column.

Excerpt taken from his Inc. article The Fallacy of ‘Love What You Do’

Mile Marker 1.64

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milemarker

I love to run. No, not the I have to run a marathon to feel like I’m a runner kind of run. (And my hat is off to those who are that kind of a runner; I just don’t happen to include myself in your number.) I just like what happens to me mentally when I run, so when I don’t (or can’t) run for a while, I really miss the brainy benefits, plus I feel loads better physically, too :).

I haven’t been running in a while. A very long while.

It’s been 18+ months of inexplicable and frustrating hip pain and intensive work with both my physical therapist and my rolfer and I’m easing back into an exercise routine that works for me.

So last night stepping on that treadmill for the first time in a really long time felt a bit nostalgic and I smiled while warming up and searching my iPod for exactly the right audio program (which is always choosing between Steve Chandler and Steve Chandler: my amazing coach) to accompany what would surely be an easy run.

The Voices In My Head

Until I actually started to run and the smile quickly left my face. This wasn’t easy at all! Everything in me was screaming to stop the treadmill and get off! And the voices in my head were extremely chatty:

What was I thinking?

Maybe I shouldn’t be running at all.

I’m not ready for this.

What if I undo all the efforts to put me back together again? Who are you, Humpty Dumpty, all of a sudden?

What if walking will always be the better choice for me?

I’m probably never going to be the same again, so why bother?

All the while I ran, unwavering in my determination to last the next five minutes, and then five minutes more. I just kept running, quieting the naysayers inside my own head and started telling myself a different story:

You’re fine.

It’s just been a while.

You’ll get used to it again.

Building muscle takes time.

Keep running. You love this!

Pay attention to Steve, not your burning legs.

And then it happened: nothing was screaming or burning or dying or demanding a full stop. Quite the opposite: I wanted more.

Energy surged through my entire body, pulling me forward, wanting more. And I leaned into my run, ready now to go the distance.

Mile 1.64

I’m no expert on physical fitness training, but I’m pretty sure that what happened to me at mile 1.64 is not uncommon. So not uncommon, in fact, that we ALL experience this same phenomenon in our lives, whether on or off the running track.

Whenever I start something new it’s hard because I don’t understand how to do it. I don’t know what comes next. My learning curve is steep and if I look around me at other people doing what I want to do I’m discouraged because they’re so much better than me and it’s an oppressive weight thinking about everything I need to learn before I will be capable of running a marathon. And if I’m not careful, I quit long before I reach mile marker 1.64.

When I counter the negative story I’m playing on repeat with a new story — equally made up as the negative one — and tell myself I’m fine, stay the course, remember to breathe, and keep showing up (be consistent in my efforts), I arrive at mile marker 1.64 delighted with the surge of energy that infuses my entire being.

Run Into Your Ready

I run into my ready. I don’t start with it.

Starting is the hard part. We’re never ready for anything. How could we be? Don’t be fooled by your made up story about motivation, either!

Readiness takes time, so just start your project, open the business, share your idea, write the story, create the blueprint, design the website, register the LLC, commit yourself!!! And before you realize it, you’ll be ready to go your distance around mile marker 1.64.

What is it you want to accomplish, or create, or achieve, or learn, or share?

Grab a bottle of coconut water and lace up your runners. You’ll be ready to go after you get started. I promise.

Choose you. Choose happy.

 

allarminda.com | 2024