Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Phantom Fears

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PhantomFearSaturday morning cartoons were the routine at my house. We happily jumped out of bed early to help ourselves to bowl after bowl of cold cereal while we sat for hours, eyes glued to the television, until Mom made us turn off the tv and go outside to play.

Scooby Doo, Where Are You! was a family favorite. For those of you unfamiliar with the show, allow me to give you the major plot outline of every single episode:

Four friends and a dog named Scooby Doo drive around in a van and solve mysteries that always turn out to be not so mysterious when they arrive at their big reveal in the concluding scene.

Thinking back on the many episodes I watched, there was a regularly-occurring scary creature: a phantom, who would especially terrify the gang. I vividly remember experiencing fright every single time at the sight of that phantom lurking in the dark recesses of the (usually) abandoned building the friends were investigating.

And every single time it turned out the phantom wasn’t a phantom at all because phantoms, as it turns out, aren’t real; they’re imagined. There was always a logical (and not at all mysterious) explanation for whatever phantom appeared to be lurking in the dark.

Our fears are just like those cartoon phantoms: entirely made up. Our phantoms can assume a wide variety of forms:

  • Fear over what another person thinks
    Fear of a conversation
    Fear of trying something new
    Fear of appearing different
    Fear of sharing an opinion
    Fear of failure
    Fear of success
    Fear of perceived risk
    Fear of a new computer system
    Fear of asking for what you want
    Fear of submitting a proposal
    Fear of following up
    Fear of being overlooked
    Fear of (insert your own)

Our mystery can be very un-mysterious because the mystery to be solved isn’t why your phantom is lurking, but whether you imagined it in the first place.

What if instead of further convincing yourself the phantom fear is real, poses a real threat and prevents you from going into your dark and scary place, you flip on the light and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I absolutely know the phantom is real?
2. How do I feel when I believe the phantom is real?
3. Who would I be without that phantom in my life?

Then be number three.

Throw the Punch

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ThrowthePunch

I walked onto the mat this morning with wrist wraps securely in place, gloves at the ready, anticipating a solid hour of mitt and bag work under the direction of my trainer. I had been looking forward to this hour all week, for the chance to solely focus on myself in relationship to my imaginary opponent, furthering my ability to act — if needed — on automatic.

I have never used myself as a weapon to intentionally inflict harm or to cause injury against another. I have never hit another human being (not counting that time with my little brother).

Until today.

Today my trainer put on full headgear and told me I had to hit him. Really hit him — full on in the face.

Throw a straight jab at me, Arminda. Use your right; it’s stronger. Don’t hold anything back. You’re not going to hurt me. You have to know what it feels like and you have to know you can hit another human with intention. All the work we do will never matter if you can’t do this. Come on. Do it.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to burst into tears or vomit as my stomach turned uncomfortably. My sweaty palms transmitted their obvious reservation through the layers of wraps and gloves. An uncomfortable confusion clouded my thinking and as I hesitated between left and right foot placement I remembered to bring my gloves to my face and with the gentle touch of the right glove on my chin my left foot immediately followed suit and found its grounding forward position and I jabbed.

That was good! Now you know you can do it and you’ll always remember how that feels.

“I held back,” tumbled out of my mouth as the aftershock of relief flooded my entire body.

Hit me again, then. This time don’t hold back. And this will be the last time I ever invite you to hit me.

My focus was fiercely clear. I did not hesitate once I was in position to strike. I threw the punch.

And in that moment my fear and I came to an understanding: I throw the punches.

Creating Dreams

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Are you guilty of “disguising your fear as practicality” as Jim Carrey so eloquently accuses his audience?

Why do we allow our fears to cripple us instead of creating our tomorrows today? (I’ve written more about how to create tomorrow today over on my allarminda blog.)

For now, just focus for the next minute on the words of comedian Jim Carrey, whose recent commencement comments are anything but funny.

allarminda.com | 2024