Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Feed the Birds

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St Paul's Cathedral

On a recent trip to London I stood on the steps of the magnificent St. Paul’s Cathedral, featured in the popular Disney film Mary Poppins. It was on these steps that the fictional children, Jane and Michael, discovered the bird woman as she invited passersby for tuppence to purchase her bags of crumbs to feed the birds.

So compelling is the bird lady’s vision that Jane and Michael are entranced sufficiently to forgo all decorum and family connections (their behavior in the very proper bank and their father’s position in said bank) to seek her out. They wish to participate in her purpose, which they see as a higher calling than investing their money in the safety and tradition of the banking institution.

Have you experienced a similar pull toward something “higher” than your current safety? Something that compels you toward an unknown, but the vision of which excites and challenges you? Does the thought of that something frighten you a little bit? Jane and Michael were certainly frightened, but they leaned in to their fear and so can you.

I believe a little bit of fear and a lot of unknown are the perfect combination for moving ourselves away from emotional safety and into creation.

What will you create today?

The Power of Words

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Isn’t it remarkable the difference a few words can make? While the implication can be the same, the way in which we say it can make all the difference. How will you use your words today?

Happy People Help

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Unless you live under a rock, you don’t have to look very far before the realities of the suffering of so many around the world crosses your path in some form or another. Whether you’re following the current stories of the Ebola breakout in West Africa, the oxymoronic war for peace in Gaza, or the siege being staged on Ukrainian soil, there is much for us to understand politically, economically, religiously, culturally and ethically before we can then process all of it through our own lens of humanity. The world can feel downright overwhelming — and those are just a few examples on the global front. We haven’t even touched domestic issues. And we won’t. Not here. This isn’t a political post. Not by any stretch.

It’s easy to get caught up in universal suffering, though, isn’t it? To forget to remember that behind all those bazillion stories all bleeding together into one giant cesspool that there are individual people, families, lovers, musicians, students, children, employers, puppies, goldfish bowls and dreamers living amongst the chaos we call being human. (Please check out the remarkable work of photographer Brandon Stanton, who puts faces and stories and life together in one accessibly beautiful package.)

And when we are guilty of being in “that forget about it place,” we are depressed for others’ plight, sad for the suffering, worried about the future, focused on how unfair the world is, and we feel trapped and so we do nothing, and likely move on with our normal activity, relieved it has nothing to do with us and grateful it isn’t us on the other side of the story.

But our lives aren’t all lemons or lollipops. Despair or exhilaration. Misery, just like happiness, is a choice. And while bad and horrible things do happen, our response to them is a choice.

When I was a little girl I loved singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and coming up with all sorts of crazy actions to insert at the chorus line to show how happy I was.

There’s a simple message here: happiness begets action!

We can DO SOMETHING to benefit others when they are suffering. We can DO SOMETHING when we, ourselves, are hurting. We can DO SOMETHING to express on the outside the joy we feel on the inside because we know that happiness is never a destination in life; it is the way to live from the inside out. And rather than become bogged down and depressed by life, allow your happiness to positively impact others.

Steve Chandler, my remarkable coach, puts it this way in his book Time Warrior:

Happy people help more people than “concerned,” “caring,” “sensitive” people who over-emphasize “feeling empathy” instead of actually rolling up their sleeves, getting their hands dirty and helping.

Recently our social media news-feeds were bombarded with videos of friends, colleagues and celebrities dousing themselves with buckets of ice water to raise awareness and money for the non-profit ALS Association. While seeing others get startling wet is entertaining, this campaign is a wonderful reminder to choose action over passivity. Don’t get wet to simply have fun and be part of a worldwide water game. Choose to get wet because you choose to make a difference.

Maybe ALS isn’t your thing and it’s not a cause you want to support. Maybe there’s another cause that calls to you more loudly. Answer it. Create it. Choose it. Be about the business of DOING, rather than sorrowing.

Let this year’s #IceBucketChallenge be your personal call to action to share the happiness inside of you, to get outside of your own perceived suffering and to remember that happiness begets action and when we act we impact life.

But only every time.

Choose you. Choose happy.

Bicycles & Ego

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Whether or not we like to admit it, we all have egos. Some larger than others, but we all have them. Our egoistic self thrives on its own significance. And because it thrives on indulgence of self, it pushes us and prompts us and persuades us to seek out praise and attention and validation. Constantly.

And we believe we need those compliments because they are what fuel our forward movement.

Or are they?

Oftentimes we get caught up in our own thinking and believe our approval-seeking is something other than what it is:

FALSE.

VICTIMHOOD.

We become rather adept at covering up our ego as a ruse in the name of serving others, such as the manager “running an idea” past upper management even though she’s been given full support and prior permission from said executive team.

In our selfie-obsessed culture you might argue there are many not even trying to hide the fact their ego drives their behavior, in spite of their claim to self expression.

What drives your behavior? What is your inside-out position?

When you learned to ride a bicycle someone likely assisted you. They held the bike steady while you got comfortable in the seat and felt the  bike move and tilt underneath you as you shifted your body weight. They walked alongside you, keeping the bike steady while you learned to pedal and to steer simultaneously. And they ran behind you as you increased your speed. Then they let go because you found your inner balance to keep yourself on the bike without any outside assistance.

That moment you heard them cheering from somewhere behind you was when you realized you were on your own. You were riding a bike!

Granted, you may have faltered. You may even have fallen because you immediately got caught up in your thinking, believing you needed someone right next to you, giving you support, without which you would fall.

But you got back up, put on a couple of band-aids and found your inner balance; it was still there and easier to find the second and third and each consecutive time until you no longer needed any assistance. The cheering was nice, but not really necessary. In fact, by the time you really connected to your core the idea of someone cheering your every bike ride seemed a bit silly.

For you, the internal thrill and the exhilaration of balancing yourself on the bike while moving forward was sufficient praise; it’s that sense of self — generated from the inside of you — that drove your repeated bike riding behavior, not the accolades of onlookers, your peers, or more experienced bike riders.

Contrast that to ego.

Ego would have had you believe you were only capable of riding a bike if someone constantly praised your efforts, told you how impressive you looked perched on your bike, suggested other bikes would probably be a more suitable ride for someone like you, pressured you to choose bike routes with people from whom you could seek validation as a rider, and so on.

You don’t need ego now any more than you needed it after learning to ride a bike.

Honestly look at yourself and your behavior and identify what’s driving you? If you seek to please others, are anxious for their approval, worry what they might think, and craft conversations to corner someone into validating your behavior then ego is driving and your internal position is non-existent. You are relying on external sources and circumstances to determine your outcomes. You are a victim.

In his book Straight-Line Leadership, Dusan Djukich states that

Approval seeking is a toxic addiction. It is the one thing of which a person must be cured if they are going to do anything worthwhile in life.

The alternative is to remember what it feels like to ride a bicycle and to create your own path because your internal position is one of ownership. You recognize you are responsible for the creation of your world and which bike path you ride. And any bumps along the way are just part of the ride. You are the driver.

And that exhilaration you feel? It’s coming from inside of you and is never dependent on someone else. Forward movement is always dependent on you. Own that.

Choose you. Choose happy.

Creating Dreams

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Are you guilty of “disguising your fear as practicality” as Jim Carrey so eloquently accuses his audience?

Why do we allow our fears to cripple us instead of creating our tomorrows today? (I’ve written more about how to create tomorrow today over on my allarminda blog.)

For now, just focus for the next minute on the words of comedian Jim Carrey, whose recent commencement comments are anything but funny.

Focus

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We all like to hear about success and to see others succeed. But what about ourselves? What does it actually take to succeed? Is there a magic bullet? Super coach Steve Chandler said, “Success comes from focus. Winners focus.”

And Richard St. John corroborates that statement in this brief TED Talk on the power of focus.

A Thesis on “Thank You”

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Gratitude is an interesting thing. We talk about it. We notice its absence. And there are sermons delivered about it. But how often do we internalize gratitude’s significance for ourselves: the direct impact on those who express thanks?

Enjoy.

Stained-Glass Windows

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Stained-Glass

My friends Anna and Alan owned a stained-glass window, which hung suspended on the inside of their large front room picture window, which window conveniently faced the street. If my timing was right I could walk past their place just as the late afternoon rays of sun brushed those colored panes and pause for a moment to take in all that charming.

One afternoon I happened to be inside their front room when the afternoon sunshine stretched its long golden fingers all the way through the glass to where I was standing, suddenly surrounded by thousands of dancing prisms. The entire living room was bathed in miniature rainbows and I’m pretty sure I heard tiny bells tinkling their joy (that tinkling sound was probably just in my head).

Driving down the street one evening I casually glanced to my left as my car slipped past Anna and Alan’s place and unprepared for what I saw, my heart caught in my throat! My right foot slowly pressed the brake and checking to be sure no one was behind me, I carefully backed up, put the car in park and turned off my headlights to absorb every rich detail of that stained-glass window, now lit from a lamp within. I savored the moment in silent reflection before quietly resuming my drive down the road.

The first time I read the following quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross it resonated within me so deeply as truth and I was immediately transported back to Anna and Alan’s window on 7th South.

Read slowly:

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

This describes you. This describes me.

Our world is full of remarkable people, each of us beautiful and unique, sparkling and shining and sharing our individual light with those around us.

When someone is drawn to you it is your inner light they see and seek, not your outward appearance.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Beauty is the byproduct of creating your life in such a way that allows thought to flow through you, emotions to have credence only when it truly matters, remembering that no feeling is final, and that you are wired for happiness. Your light will only increase in brightness and will cause others who see it to catch their breath, pause and back up so they can be in your presence because you are that beautiful from the inside out.

Just Keep Going

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Rainer Maria Rilke Quote

There was a period of time in my life when I felt broken emotionally and couldn’t see through the density of my situation to a better tomorrow. I knew only to take one step at a time, placing one foot in front of the other. So that’s what I did. One foot and one step at a time. Step by step I filled an entire day and then a second day and eventually a week and all of my steps added up to my forward movement.

One night in a moment of uncertainty, confusion and deep anguish, my dear friend Bea called to check on me and she taught me something I’ve always remembered and carried with me as truth:

You never have to go back to yesterday; it’s over. Where you are is here. Now. And nothing that happened in a string of your yesterdays can hurt you today. Or tomorrow. Or ever.

I understand now what I was incapable of seeing then: the past and its cacophony of emotions born of experiences (some of which we choose and others chosen for us) have power over us today only if we choose to give those emotions a place in our heads and in our thoughts.

What matters is what we think because our thoughts, which flow through us and can sometimes be really loud in our heads, determine our state of being.

Your feelings are real to you. Your adventures in life will generate a wide range of thoughts, which will create emotional responses that will inform your journey. And you get to make the choice every single day about how you interact with those emotions.

When it seems as if the voice in your head is too loud and your thoughts are negative and the accompanying emotions feel too heavy to carry, please remember

You never have to go back to yesterday; it’s over. Where you are is here. Now. And nothing that happened in a string of your yesterdays can hurt you today. Or tomorrow. Or ever.

Take a deep breath. Let the chatter and emotions come to a resting place inside your head. And then choose to embrace a different emotion.

I am grateful for the knowledge that I’m wired for happiness, as are you.

I’m also grateful to have lived through enough of life to reiterate Rainer Maria Rilke‘s profound wisdom:

No feeling is final.

No amount of hurt, joy, heartache, euphoria, stress, pleasure, pain, delight, grief, happiness, trauma, enjoyment, agony, amusement, sadness, entertainment, anguish or diversion will last forever. I promise.

That’s not to say we won’t be faced with all of these emotions, to varying degrees, at some time or another throughout our existence. I believe we should experience this broad range of emotions. How else can we possibly learn and understand and grow into better humans if not through these very personal moments that add up to a lifetime?

Just keep going and when you think you can’t, just take one more step and then another.

I’m cheering for you.

Choose you. Choose happy.

allarminda.com | 2024