goals – Page 2

Mile Marker 1.64

January 21, 2015 By Arminda 4 Comments

I love to run. No, not the I have to run a marathon to feel like I’m a runner kind of run. (And my hat is off to those who are that kind of a runner; I just don’t happen to include myself in your number.) I just like what happens to me mentally when I run, so when I don’t (or can’t) run for a while, I really miss the brainy benefits, plus I feel loads better physically, too :).

I haven’t been running in a while. A very long while.

It’s been 18+ months of inexplicable and frustrating hip pain and intensive work with both my physical therapist and my rolfer and I’m easing back into an exercise routine that works for me.

So last night stepping on that treadmill for the first time in a really long time felt a bit nostalgic and I smiled while warming up and searching my iPod for exactly the right audio program (which is always choosing between Steve Chandler and Steve Chandler: my amazing coach) to accompany what would surely be an easy run.

The Voices In My Head

Until I actually started to run and the smile quickly left my face. This wasn’t easy at all! Everything in me was screaming to stop the treadmill and get off! And the voices in my head were extremely chatty:

What was I thinking?

Maybe I shouldn’t be running at all.

I’m not ready for this.

What if I undo all the efforts to put me back together again? Who are you, Humpty Dumpty, all of a sudden?

What if walking will always be the better choice for me?

I’m probably never going to be the same again, so why bother?

All the while I ran, unwavering in my determination to last the next five minutes, and then five minutes more. I just kept running, quieting the naysayers inside my own head and started telling myself a different story:

You’re fine.

It’s just been a while.

You’ll get used to it again.

Building muscle takes time.

Keep running. You love this!

Pay attention to Steve, not your burning legs.

And then it happened: nothing was screaming or burning or dying or demanding a full stop. Quite the opposite: I wanted more.

Energy surged through my entire body, pulling me forward, wanting more. And I leaned into my run, ready now to go the distance.

Mile 1.64

I’m no expert on physical fitness training, but I’m pretty sure that what happened to me at mile 1.64 is not uncommon. So not uncommon, in fact, that we ALL experience this same phenomenon in our lives, whether on or off the running track.

Whenever I start something new it’s hard because I don’t understand how to do it. I don’t know what comes next. My learning curve is steep and if I look around me at other people doing what I want to do I’m discouraged because they’re so much better than me and it’s an oppressive weight thinking about everything I need to learn before I will be capable of running a marathon. And if I’m not careful, I quit long before I reach mile marker 1.64.

When I counter the negative story I’m playing on repeat with a new story — equally made up as the negative one — and tell myself I’m fine, stay the course, remember to breathe, and keep showing up (be consistent in my efforts), I arrive at mile marker 1.64 delighted with the surge of energy that infuses my entire being.

Run Into Your Ready

I run into my ready. I don’t start with it.

Starting is the hard part. We’re never ready for anything. How could we be? Don’t be fooled by your made up story about motivation, either!

Readiness takes time, so just start your project, open the business, share your idea, write the story, create the blueprint, design the website, register the LLC, commit yourself!!! And before you realize it, you’ll be ready to go your distance around mile marker 1.64.

What is it you want to accomplish, or create, or achieve, or learn, or share?

Grab a bottle of coconut water and lace up your runners. You’ll be ready to go after you get started. I promise.

Choose you. Choose happy.

Future Planning

November 20, 2014 By Arminda

“If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.” — Abraham Maslow

Have you ever stopped long enough to consider your own “what ifs”?

At year’s end, does the caterpillar set goals on how to be a better caterpillar next year? Of course not! She creates an entirely new future and transforms her very DNA to grow her own wings.

Create your future from your future and don’t worry about being a better caterpillar.

Is there a pair of wings inside of you, waiting to emerge?

Loving you, always.

Let’s Do the Time Warp!

November 4, 2014 By Arminda

How often have you heard yourself saying you don’t have enough time in your day? Or a new project comes along and your stress level increases exponentially because of the perceived time commitment? Or your heart rate goes up just looking at your ever-expanding list of things to do?

Have you ever wondered why you feel like nothing is getting accomplished even though you are always busy?

And in those moments you dismiss it all by acknowledging, “I struggle with time management,” as if that wipes your slate and gives you permission to continue being busy with little outcome.

Steve Chandler says, “. . . with a clear mission driving [you], time management is never a problem.”

Would you agree that when you really want something (anything), you figure out how to get it?

What is your mission?

Here’s the promise: Get a mission, identify your wants, focus on your goal(s) and time slows down and moves to the side as you create your how.

Every single time.

What’s In a Name?

March 20, 2014 By Arminda Leave a Comment

I’ve always been a goal-setter, a planner keeper (not to be confused with a Trapper Keeper because I don’t think I’ve ever been that cool), and am currently attached at the hip to Google calendar.

Spontaneity and Arminda haven’t traditionally been synonymous. My college boyfriend laughingly assured me any children I brought into this world would likely arrive sporting matching Franklin planners.

I’ve even taught classes on goal-setting, its significance and how to achieve more than your neighbor through better techniques and the adept use of colored pencils on a grid (I haven’t actually taught that part about the colored pencils; I’ve mostly kept that trick to myself).

But yesterday I read something that rocked my calendar a little bit. Okay. A lot.

Supercoach Michael Neill thinks there’s an inherent problem with goals:

they’re future-based (always ahead of us like the carrot on the stick)
they’re results-focused
they’re successful only upon completion (meaning failure is your only option unless, or until, you reach it)

I haven’t stopped thinking about this. I can’t stop thinking about this. And after my obsessive thinking spree, I believe he’s right.

This is a game changer for me. Remember when I wrote about the definition or meaning we attach to words? This is one of those moments for me. One of those words.

What’s in a name?

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet; (Romeo and Juliet, II, ii, 1-2)

Or would it?

If what Michael Neill says about goals is true, and I believe it is, then my focus on setting and achieving goals is misplaced effort and energy. In fact, based on the above list of problems, it’s a wonder any of us goal setters ever accomplish anything. This could be the very reason February is consistently guaranteed time for me to have the entire gym to myself. Every single year.

I don’t want to suggest I never accomplish anything or that I fail before I even get out of bed in the morning. On the contrary, I think up until now I’ve successfully checked many many things off my ever-lengthening list of goals.

But the point isn’t about what’s in my past. It’s really about what future I’m creating.

Because when you really want something, the question isn’t “How will you get it?”; it’s “What could possibly stop you?” (Supercoach, Neill, 74)

With this question in mind, and a determination to shift my thinking in order to create a new definition I realized I only need substitute a different word with its own meaning intact: project.

Again, Michael Neill provides the structure for this mind-shift toward project-based behavior:

they’re in the present (happening and being worked on now)
they’re action-based
they’re always successful until you fail

Here’s what happens in my world, and probably for many of you, too: I set goals, I create timelines, I tell someone else about my goal so I feel accountable, and I write it down. And then something happens. Or comes up. Or I get tired. Or I slip up for a day. Or I don’t feel like it. Or company comes for a visit. Or my daughter needs something. Or I need to walk the dog. Or whatever.

These are called excuses. And they consistently pop up into the space between us and our goals. We’ve all used them. They’re always in abundant supply when we need to justify our failure to achieve our goals (remember #3 in the first list?).

Projects feel different to me. A project is in motion from the moment I say “Go,” and if I’m an effective project manager I will look ahead at what barriers might stand in my way of completion and figure out how to minimize, work around or even eliminate them before they arrive so that the project stays on course.

Juliet’s rose would still smell as sweet given another name, and perhaps goals are just another word for projects, but I’m abandoning goals and the false belief that I will only be successful if I achieve them in favor of projects through which I can create my future from the future, rather than from the graveyard of abandoned attempts and faulty restarts in my past.

If you really want what you want, there’s always a way for you to create it (Supercoach, Neill, 77).

Choose you. Choose happy.

My Last Day of 2012

January 2, 2013 By Arminda 2 Comments

I couldn’t have enjoyed my last day of 2012 more. I was on a personal retreat from the rest of the planet with no cell phone, no internet, and nobody else around for miles. I invested three nights and two days in myself, and accomplished a LOT.

I worked on my memoir for the majority of the day, and am now thousands of words closer to a complete first draft (my editor will be so pleased)
I finished reading the final 2/3 of Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
I pondered and thoughtfully wrote out my intentions for 2013
I savored two steaming bowls of borscht
I breathed deeply
I reflected on all that has happened in 2012 and how I’ve grown from every experience
I watched Sleepless in Seattle

During the movie’s New Year’s Eve scene I happened to glance at the clock, and realized I was crossing into my own new year at exactly the same time as Tom Hanks’ character is shaking his son, Jonah, awake to see the ball drop. Coincidence? Absolutely.

Becky: Men never get this movie.

Here were a few of my observations as I watched this fabulous movie all over again.

Nora Ephron knew how to make movie magic.
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are dynamic together. And separately.
There were a LOT of sweat pants worn during this movie by a vast number of characters.
Rosie O’Donnell is hilarious and I want her to come to dinner at my house.
I’m so glad technology has advanced beyond 1993.
As cool as it is to cut off apple peels in one long strip, does everyone now know you should eat them instead?
Is it true that it’s easier for a woman to get killed by a terrorist than married after the age of 40?
I need to watch ~~some~~ all Cary Grant movies again.
Taking risks doesn’t mean you’re stupid or crazy or desperate; it means you believe in yourself.

As a tribute to my commitments for 2013, this post stands as sentinel: I’ll be writing much more frequently, and hope you’ll keep me accountable. I spent a sleepless night, myself, after the movie ended; I was too excited for 2013 to get going. It’s going to be a fantastic year and I’m delighted to share portions of the journey together with you.

What goals, intentions or commitments have you made to yourself for the new year? Did you write them down?

I’ve Got Eleven to Start

April 21, 2010 By Arminda 12 Comments

Yesterday my friend Mark Schaefer wrote about his personal eleven secrets to a happy and productive life. I felt so inspired I couldn’t finish my breakfast without scribbling some personal notes and generating my own list. I asked myself: Is there something I do consistently in my life that contributes to my personal happiness and the peace I feel in my heart? Thank you for indulging me by reading something so personal.

Keep a Happy List. One month after I graduated from college, I moved to Rostov, Russia for a year and a half to serve a full-time mission for my church. I was 21, living on the other side of the world, learning a new language, embracing a new culture, and falling in love with the most amazing people. As exciting as that was – I also didn’t know if I’d have running water every night, among other challenges! That’s when the Happy List was born. I challenged myself to take a daily inventory, and write down at least one positive thing from that day before I went to bed. It is truly amazing to me how after all these years, I can still read my original list and feel a surge of happy emotions. What better place to turn on a down day than to your own personal pick-me-up reminder that the sun will come out tomorrow?

Read for fun. Read out loud. Read together. I was the child with the flashlight underneath my pillow, reading into the night when I was supposed to be asleep. Thank you, Mom, for not minding. I want to be sure I continue to challenge my intellect, while giving myself permission to fly with Peter Pan or survive in the Belgian Congo. I love to read Dr. Seuss out loud. Some things are just meant to be heard, not seen. My daughter and I love reading together and I have made it a practice to continue reading to her – even though she is completely capable of reading to herself. And, yes, Lindsay, I know you read at night when you’re supposed to be asleep, but I don’t mind, either.

Adopt a cause and serve with purpose. Years ago I was taught we should serve at our earliest inconvenience. That has always stuck with me. Each of us has certain causes about which we are passionate. Mine happen to revolve around children.

I spent the final four months of my pregnancy on bed rest, and because of the March of Dimes, was able to deliver a healthy full-term baby twelve years ago. Not enough are so fortunate. I have been involved on the steering committee for our local March of Dimes Chefs Auction for many years, and this year am chairing the committee.
I can honestly say that St Jude’s is a sacred place and full of more hope than I thought possible, and I am grateful for all they share and give back. Lindsay and I collect for their noble cause each year for her birthday.
I also was privileged to spend Christmas 2009 in Jaibon, Dominican Republic, volunteering with the wonderful folks of Orphanage Outreach, and look forward to many years of serving others for the holidays.

I truly believe it is through our service to others that we serve God. How else can we possibly thank him for all that he provides us? So I hope my small contributions – whether of time, or talent, or financial support make a difference.

Smile often and laugh lots. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was from a friend I had not seen in many years. His message simply said, “You crossed my mind today and I could hear your laugh and it made me smile.” I want to be sure I communicate joy and happiness whenever possible.

I have my own personal fan club. My support network stretches from Seattle to Wilmington to Salt Lake City to Rostov to Dallas to Niceville to New York City to Toronto and back here to Greensboro, with many points in between. Making a concerted effort to surround myself with friends and family who love and support me is essential. You know who you are, and I love you back.

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least” (Goethe). I was counseled as a teenager to keep my priorities in perspective. I still need to do that. It is easy to get caught up in life and be so busy that I get my priorities out of whack. I take deep breaths, usually get a loving reminder from someone in my fan club – and I’m back on track.

Enjoy being a mother. When I got divorced nine years ago, I made a conscious decision to maintain my status as a mother to my daughter. Many in similar situations try to balance both parental roles so their child will what? Not feel cheated? Nah. I just want to be the best mom I can to my daughter, and we’ll figure out the rest later. Nothing is more precious to me than holding hands with my girl, as I realize how much I have loved every age and every stage and I adore the young woman she is becoming.

Dance. Never ask whether, just where. The answer is always yes.

If you want to take a listen, here is my personal theme song:

She Just Wants to Dance

Respect others and show empathy. I once heard if we could put our trials into a hat and choose back any trial we want; we would always choose our original submissions. People come from all walks of life and from a myriad of circumstances. It is not my place to judge, nor is it my place to assume anything. It is my goal to always treat others the way I want to be treated, and to look through their lenses when mine seem out of focus. So I will continue to seek first to understand, then to be understood. It definitely works better that way.

Listen to my body. I have to listen to what my body tells me. This might mean getting more rest, making changes in my diet, going for a bike ride, or simply sitting outside and breathing deeply – I pay attention to what my body says it needs. When I am in tune with myself – when my heart and my head communicate with one another – is when I am at peace.

Believe in God. Trust. Exercise faith. He has never let me down – left me wondering and questioning at times, yes – but never let me down. I always come back to the core values my parents taught me as a child: God lives. Jesus Christ is my savior. I am a child of God and He loves me. No matter what else comes my way, being grounded in this personal testimony is a constant in my life. Peace, hope and happiness come from this source and I am grateful for this knowledge.

These are my first eleven, but there are more. I can’t wait to hear about yours and perhaps you’ll be inspired to write your own list.

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