Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Don’t Double Waffle Me!

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Don't Double Waffle Me

The Scene

Florence provided so many delicious eats, which usually meant gelato for my daughter and fruit for me since I’m highly allergic to dairy. One sunny afternoon we were ready for a taste of something and wondered what to get for my treat since we had yet to find any vegan gelato in Florence. At that very moment our noses were filled with the most delicious and sweet aroma as we walked past a shop that sells customizable waffles! What?!

The Setup

We immediately went inside and I ordered a waffle. The salesman asked if I wanted a topping, pointing to a variety of options, most of which were off-limits to me with my dairy restrictions. I settled on mixed berries and shaved coconut, slowly explaining “no milk, no cream” for me, and I was getting excited to taste my concoction. He nodded in agreement, scooped a generous spoonful of berries onto my waffle, sprinkled coconut on top of that and then turned his back to me and I realized he was smothering the entire waffle, berries & coconut with whipped cream. I called out to him to stop and he turned to look at me perplexed and I smiled and said again, “No cream!” He then proceeded to scrape off the cream, as if to give me the waffle once creamed now sans cream, and I smiled, shook my head, and said, “No,” knowing I can’t have the traces of any dairy at all. Visibly disgruntled, he set the entire creation aside and made me a new one, much to my satisfaction.

The Showdown

Meanwhile, Lindsay was building a fabulous option for her own eating and our two finished waffles were placed side-by-side on the counter. Just as I was reaching into my wallet for money, the salesman placed a second waffle on top of each of our waffle masterpieces — creating two waffle sandwiches. Baffled, I looked at the menu board, quickly perusing the options and there, listed as the most expensive option, was the “double waffle,” which neither of us had requested, nor had we been asked if it was wanted. These were two very assumptive counter clerks. I immediately said, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” The two top waffles were removed, I then paid what we owed and we left the shop waffles in-hand.

We were delighted with how delicious the waffles tasted, given how stressful it had been to get exactly what we wanted, particularly because I was clearly, slowly and deliberately communicating throughout the entire process, and might as well not have been for all they weren’t paying attention.

The Scrumptious

It is imperative to always always always use your voice in loving kindness and in your power but use your voice. Communicate, express, create, share, acknowledge, request, but use your voice. Your power is amplified when you use it. You are the only one advocating for you. Don’t wait for someone else to speak your truth; you’re the only one who knows it.

When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. — Shannon L. Alder

And if you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s voice? Hear it. Acknowledge it. Validate it. Celebrate it. No one says you have to agree, but listening is a gift of the greatest and noblest kind.

As W.H. Auden reminds us, “All I have is a voice.”

Use the voice that is yours.

Also, you can now use the catchy phrase, “I didn’t ask you to double waffle me!” whenever you like; it applies in all sorts of situations.

You’re welcome.

Loving you,
arminda

Blizzard Conditions

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Blizzard ConditionsIn the midst of a blizzard, traffic lights still blink red to green, pausing momentarily on yellow.

Yet there are no vehicles to pay attention, to slow down, to stop or to go. And if there were, the snowy conditions would most certainly impact the capability of those vehicles’ performance.

Are we sometimes like blizzard-bound signals — rotating through our three indicators assuming the traffic around us will heed our signals without question?

Do we keep flashing directions when there’s a blizzard swirling?

Stop.

Notice the blizzard.

Consider what messages you’re sending out on repeat.

Review your messages’ purpose and content in context of the current situation.

Ask for whom those messages are intended, and whether they’re being received.

Reinvent yourself from a blinking lamp that’s become irrelevant in the storm into the maker of snow angels, the spontaneous thrower of playful snowballs, the shoveler of new paths, the clearer of slippery stairways, the Zamboni of all icy surfaces.

Busy Signal

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Busy SignalAt the core of every single “issue” (professional, political, personal, and religious) is a dis-functioning method of communication.

Is there anyone in your world who’s upsetting you? Disappointing you? Not listening to you? Talking back to you? Ignoring you? Resisting you (or your ideas)? Not performing their job the “right” way?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. — Albert Einstein

Try a different connection; the one you’re currently using isn’t working.

Clearly.

Oh, and you’re the one with the faulty signal — in case that wasn’t clear.

Give me a call if you’re still getting a patchy line on that one.

007: Serving or Pleasing?

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Serving or Pleasing?

The All Arminda Virtual Show, episode 7

What would be the most useful way for you to show up in your relationships?

If your answer is about making the other person happy, you’re only going to be unhappy.

The only person who can make YOU happy, is YOU.

Happiness comes from the inside out and we can manufacture that from within and success follows. Every single time.

Are you out to get or out to give?

Is there a belief that needs to be dissolved in the way you’re showing up in your own life?

Loving you,
arminda

Managing Up

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Managing Up

You’re given a project and assigned a deadline for its completion. You’re really excited about the assignment and already have a clear vision of the steps you’re going to take to its execution. However, you also experience an immediate sense of overwhelm because in order to really do it the right way, this assignment will take you days longer than you’ve been given.

Many of us experience fear and high stress around these (or similar) situations.

We are fearful of saying anything to our boss because they might think:

  • I’m incompetent
  • I lack initiative
  • I can’t handle the work load in this position

And we experience high volumes of stress in an effort to hide all of the above fears and push ourselves beyond our own capacity to deliver the quality we want to give and the quality expected of us.

Oftentimes, this results in poor quality output and/or other projects not being managed effectively.

What do you do?

Manage up.

This is a perfect opportunity to have a conversation with your supervisor to renegotiate the assignment and to take full ownership of its outcome and in so doing, you also drop the fear and the stress.

The objective of this conversation is not to come from a defensive, angry or frightened position. When you communicate your genuine interest in delivering exactly what’s been tasked, you can suggest you have two choices:

1. On-time delivery OR
2. Quality delivery

Which is preferred?

From that place of honest and sincere desire to serve, you can engage, connect, and create solutions that involve you in the equation.

It’s easy to slip into an internal dialogue that suggests you’re always on the losing side of projects, assignments and workload. And when that voice in your head gets louder, the more unhappy you become with your work environment.

Shift the balance and quiet the voice by speaking up and speaking out. Chances are, whoever’s handing out assignments isn’t doing so with intent to stress or incite fear in you. They want you to succeed, and you communicating the best way for you to achieve success is information they will welcome.

The alternative is to say nothing at all, continue being fearful of upper management, allow stress to wreak its havoc on you and harbor resentment about how unfair your job is.

Your call.

*Note that this method of renegotiation is just as applicable and effective in our personal relationships as it is in our professional ones.

Be sure and watch this video for some additional insight on the topic!

Creating Positive: Day 4 of 21

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I am discovering that the things for which I am grateful multiply as I write down the obvious choices. I think it was Karen, who commented that once she starts writing down her gratitudes, she has a hard time stopping. Anyone else running into that same “challenge”? My wish is for each of you to experience that!

Since there are five things on our daily list for the 21 days, let’s have a reminder:

  1. 3 New Gratitudes
  2. One Positive Experience
  3. Exercise
  4. Meditate
  5. Random or Conscious Act of Kindness

Even though I’m only publicly sharing my gratitudes and my positive experience each day, I am happy to at least acknowledge whether or not I’ve accomplished all five items. This may help each of you to keep all five top of mind. So in the interest of full disclosure, and for accountability, my other three obligations:

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Realizing, yet again, how small the world really is
  2. Filling a customer’s need
  3. Being business partners with my brother
  4. Knowing there are professionals available to us when we need their help
  5. Rain for replenishment of the earth
  6. Hearing Aviva say, “I love you, and I miss you!” as she squeezes my neck so tightly
  7. Possibility
  8. The wagging tail that welcomed me home, complete with licks
  9. Discovering similarities and interests with a new friend

Positive Experience

During our training session this morning, there was a reference made to a study by Accountemps, wherein it was discovered that executives spend – on average – 108 minutes sending emails each day. In contrast, a different report by the Productivity Institute suggests that the average working person spends less than 30 seconds a day in meaningful conversation with their children. I couldn’t find either of those studies online (I didn’t look very hard), but I did find a reference to a report by the Department of Education that says the average American mother spends less than 30 minutes a day talking to her children! And the average American father? Only 15 minutes.

Tonight my daughter and I watched, mesmerized, as the fog quickly approached and became heavier, sinking lower and lower to the ground. We could no longer see farther than a few feet in front of us, and the denseness of the space – once open – now trapped us, forbidding escape. Our single beam of light, bouncing back at us against the wall of clouds, proved worthless, as we had to rely solely on our other senses for direction. Razor, trusted pit-bull and fearless leader, vanished without a sound or a trace, swallowed up in the haze. Before we realized what had happened, we were thick in the midst of – you probably already guessed it – a zombie apocalypse!

The vast field was literally choking and crawling with the undead. How would we ever reach the other side undetected, untouched, and alive? Suddenly, as if the clouds themselves had birthed him, Razor – the Thunderous Destroyer – emerged in a burst of otherworldly energy! While the living dead shrank from his commanding presence, we made our daring escape to the safety of our own home sweet home, where we finished our conversation with a big hug, lots of giggles, and a sweet kiss goodnight.

allarminda.com | 2024