Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Star Light, Star Bright

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starlight
Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.

We’re accustomed from childhood to make wishes and throw them into the universe, hoping without believing we’ll see a return on that coin tossed into the fountain, the dandelion fluff blown against the wind, the first or even the shooting stars we see in the night sky.It’s habit. Habit to throw out our words without truly meaning or believing them to be true.What if instead of casually throwing about out our wishes, we create a dream.

What if instead of tossing coins into a fountain and hoping without believing, we deliberately choose action over hope.

Hoping leads to wasted wishes, and wishes are nothing more than passive and passing thoughts.

Be the maker of your dreams rather than the wisher leaning over the edge of an empty (yet thought-filled) well.

Be and become instead.

Do Not Feed the Pigeons

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The park pigeons are fat and dependent.

You are emotionally and psychologically “fat” and dependent on the thoughts you continue to feed to yourself about your story. Whatever your story is, I promise you it’s made up. It’s not true. It’s only true as long as you keep feeding it.

Whether the economy is bad, or the customers aren’t buying like they used to, or you can’t get and/or keep good help, or your team is suffering from low morale, or you had a rough childhood, or you have commitment issues, or it’s because of your relationship with your mother, or the competition is spending more than you. . . just stop.

Stop feeding the pigeons.

Feed the Birds

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St Paul's Cathedral

On a recent trip to London I stood on the steps of the magnificent St. Paul’s Cathedral, featured in the popular Disney film Mary Poppins. It was on these steps that the fictional children, Jane and Michael, discovered the bird woman as she invited passersby for tuppence to purchase her bags of crumbs to feed the birds.

So compelling is the bird lady’s vision that Jane and Michael are entranced sufficiently to forgo all decorum and family connections (their behavior in the very proper bank and their father’s position in said bank) to seek her out. They wish to participate in her purpose, which they see as a higher calling than investing their money in the safety and tradition of the banking institution.

Have you experienced a similar pull toward something “higher” than your current safety? Something that compels you toward an unknown, but the vision of which excites and challenges you? Does the thought of that something frighten you a little bit? Jane and Michael were certainly frightened, but they leaned in to their fear and so can you.

I believe a little bit of fear and a lot of unknown are the perfect combination for moving ourselves away from emotional safety and into creation.

What will you create today?

The Power of Words

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Isn’t it remarkable the difference a few words can make? While the implication can be the same, the way in which we say it can make all the difference. How will you use your words today?

Happy People Help

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Unless you live under a rock, you don’t have to look very far before the realities of the suffering of so many around the world crosses your path in some form or another. Whether you’re following the current stories of the Ebola breakout in West Africa, the oxymoronic war for peace in Gaza, or the siege being staged on Ukrainian soil, there is much for us to understand politically, economically, religiously, culturally and ethically before we can then process all of it through our own lens of humanity. The world can feel downright overwhelming — and those are just a few examples on the global front. We haven’t even touched domestic issues. And we won’t. Not here. This isn’t a political post. Not by any stretch.

It’s easy to get caught up in universal suffering, though, isn’t it? To forget to remember that behind all those bazillion stories all bleeding together into one giant cesspool that there are individual people, families, lovers, musicians, students, children, employers, puppies, goldfish bowls and dreamers living amongst the chaos we call being human. (Please check out the remarkable work of photographer Brandon Stanton, who puts faces and stories and life together in one accessibly beautiful package.)

And when we are guilty of being in “that forget about it place,” we are depressed for others’ plight, sad for the suffering, worried about the future, focused on how unfair the world is, and we feel trapped and so we do nothing, and likely move on with our normal activity, relieved it has nothing to do with us and grateful it isn’t us on the other side of the story.

But our lives aren’t all lemons or lollipops. Despair or exhilaration. Misery, just like happiness, is a choice. And while bad and horrible things do happen, our response to them is a choice.

When I was a little girl I loved singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and coming up with all sorts of crazy actions to insert at the chorus line to show how happy I was.

There’s a simple message here: happiness begets action!

We can DO SOMETHING to benefit others when they are suffering. We can DO SOMETHING when we, ourselves, are hurting. We can DO SOMETHING to express on the outside the joy we feel on the inside because we know that happiness is never a destination in life; it is the way to live from the inside out. And rather than become bogged down and depressed by life, allow your happiness to positively impact others.

Steve Chandler, my remarkable coach, puts it this way in his book Time Warrior:

Happy people help more people than “concerned,” “caring,” “sensitive” people who over-emphasize “feeling empathy” instead of actually rolling up their sleeves, getting their hands dirty and helping.

Recently our social media news-feeds were bombarded with videos of friends, colleagues and celebrities dousing themselves with buckets of ice water to raise awareness and money for the non-profit ALS Association. While seeing others get startling wet is entertaining, this campaign is a wonderful reminder to choose action over passivity. Don’t get wet to simply have fun and be part of a worldwide water game. Choose to get wet because you choose to make a difference.

Maybe ALS isn’t your thing and it’s not a cause you want to support. Maybe there’s another cause that calls to you more loudly. Answer it. Create it. Choose it. Be about the business of DOING, rather than sorrowing.

Let this year’s #IceBucketChallenge be your personal call to action to share the happiness inside of you, to get outside of your own perceived suffering and to remember that happiness begets action and when we act we impact life.

But only every time.

Choose you. Choose happy.

Bicycles & Ego

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Whether or not we like to admit it, we all have egos. Some larger than others, but we all have them. Our egoistic self thrives on its own significance. And because it thrives on indulgence of self, it pushes us and prompts us and persuades us to seek out praise and attention and validation. Constantly.

And we believe we need those compliments because they are what fuel our forward movement.

Or are they?

Oftentimes we get caught up in our own thinking and believe our approval-seeking is something other than what it is:

FALSE.

VICTIMHOOD.

We become rather adept at covering up our ego as a ruse in the name of serving others, such as the manager “running an idea” past upper management even though she’s been given full support and prior permission from said executive team.

In our selfie-obsessed culture you might argue there are many not even trying to hide the fact their ego drives their behavior, in spite of their claim to self expression.

What drives your behavior? What is your inside-out position?

When you learned to ride a bicycle someone likely assisted you. They held the bike steady while you got comfortable in the seat and felt the  bike move and tilt underneath you as you shifted your body weight. They walked alongside you, keeping the bike steady while you learned to pedal and to steer simultaneously. And they ran behind you as you increased your speed. Then they let go because you found your inner balance to keep yourself on the bike without any outside assistance.

That moment you heard them cheering from somewhere behind you was when you realized you were on your own. You were riding a bike!

Granted, you may have faltered. You may even have fallen because you immediately got caught up in your thinking, believing you needed someone right next to you, giving you support, without which you would fall.

But you got back up, put on a couple of band-aids and found your inner balance; it was still there and easier to find the second and third and each consecutive time until you no longer needed any assistance. The cheering was nice, but not really necessary. In fact, by the time you really connected to your core the idea of someone cheering your every bike ride seemed a bit silly.

For you, the internal thrill and the exhilaration of balancing yourself on the bike while moving forward was sufficient praise; it’s that sense of self — generated from the inside of you — that drove your repeated bike riding behavior, not the accolades of onlookers, your peers, or more experienced bike riders.

Contrast that to ego.

Ego would have had you believe you were only capable of riding a bike if someone constantly praised your efforts, told you how impressive you looked perched on your bike, suggested other bikes would probably be a more suitable ride for someone like you, pressured you to choose bike routes with people from whom you could seek validation as a rider, and so on.

You don’t need ego now any more than you needed it after learning to ride a bike.

Honestly look at yourself and your behavior and identify what’s driving you? If you seek to please others, are anxious for their approval, worry what they might think, and craft conversations to corner someone into validating your behavior then ego is driving and your internal position is non-existent. You are relying on external sources and circumstances to determine your outcomes. You are a victim.

In his book Straight-Line Leadership, Dusan Djukich states that

Approval seeking is a toxic addiction. It is the one thing of which a person must be cured if they are going to do anything worthwhile in life.

The alternative is to remember what it feels like to ride a bicycle and to create your own path because your internal position is one of ownership. You recognize you are responsible for the creation of your world and which bike path you ride. And any bumps along the way are just part of the ride. You are the driver.

And that exhilaration you feel? It’s coming from inside of you and is never dependent on someone else. Forward movement is always dependent on you. Own that.

Choose you. Choose happy.

Creating Dreams

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Are you guilty of “disguising your fear as practicality” as Jim Carrey so eloquently accuses his audience?

Why do we allow our fears to cripple us instead of creating our tomorrows today? (I’ve written more about how to create tomorrow today over on my allarminda blog.)

For now, just focus for the next minute on the words of comedian Jim Carrey, whose recent commencement comments are anything but funny.

Focus

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We all like to hear about success and to see others succeed. But what about ourselves? What does it actually take to succeed? Is there a magic bullet? Super coach Steve Chandler said, “Success comes from focus. Winners focus.”

And Richard St. John corroborates that statement in this brief TED Talk on the power of focus.

A Thesis on “Thank You”

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Gratitude is an interesting thing. We talk about it. We notice its absence. And there are sermons delivered about it. But how often do we internalize gratitude’s significance for ourselves: the direct impact on those who express thanks?

Enjoy.

allarminda.com | 2024