There are EIGHT children in my family and my seven siblings were all overtly creative. I had brothers who could draw, sisters who could sing, other brothers who were just downright clever and still other brothers who could sing AND play instruments. There was seemingly no shortage of artistic ability in my immediate gene pool. Then there was me; I liked to read. I didn’t draw, or sing, or make anyone laugh, nor was I particularly clever. I did play the clarinet, but only because everyone else in my family played instruments. I was always embarrassed and a little bit ashamed of how not creative or artistic I was. Being a “Lindsay” meant being those things, so I never thought I fit or belonged in my family of origin because I didn’t relate to any of the obvious gifts and talents my brothers and sisters clearly possessed.
When I tried to figure out what I was supposed to be when I grew up, which would be largely influenced by my course of study at university, I experienced a lot of stress around choosing a major. Ultimately I chose to study history and English, but this was only after I’d first chosen to pursue theatre, as it was a creative outlet where I felt comfortable and confident, but quickly changed my mind after my dad openly disapproved of my choice. But I never stopped judging myself for not being “properly” creative, and that judgment influenced decades of my life.
For years I wondered and wandered inside my own head, worrying that I might not have a purpose, or that my only purpose was to be a mother to my daughter and was that it? Was that the only reason I was here? Please don’t misunderstand me. Being a mom is THE coolest thing I’ve ever done, but fulfilling my life’s purpose over an eighteen year window of my life didn’t seem like “IT” for me! And there were definitely times during those eighteen years when I felt completely out of my league and still without purpose! Wasn’t there something bigger for me to yet accomplish?
And today I learned something I’m going to share with each of you: purpose doesn’t matter. If you don’t have a purpose, don’t sweat it. Purpose and direction are different things and being without a purpose doesn’t mean you’re without direction. In fact, Steve Chandler said (I heard him with my own ears and saw him say this with my own eyes) “If I get over myself, creativity just comes through me!”
And that’s it: if I get out of my own way and stop trying to force myself to BE anything, or to find or to assign a purpose to my life, direction appears. If I’m not constantly looking for what I think should be happening, I can clearly see what’s next. And that is the direction I move. I take one step at a time, allowing my life and my energy source and my natural state (happiness and joy) to guide me. Life is already and always showing me how to live it, one step and one day at a time. I don’t have to force my own opinions (ego) onto what is naturally better and more amazing all on its own.
Am I creative? I AM a Lindsay, after all! I’m one of the most creative people I know, but it’s taken me decades to see my own creativity because first I had to sidestep my ego to reveal how much creativity wants to come through me. Now my relationship with creativity is a daily love affair. I never know what we’re going to do together, but we are happily inseparable.
The only thing I ask myself every day is “What will I create today?” And then I go and do it. That, my friends, is direction. If there’s a purpose that appears along the way, then fine. Otherwise, I’m perfectly content to stay in my daily inquiry because being out of my own way allows creativity to flow through me.
What will you create today?