Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Creating Positive – Day 2 of 21

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I am well underway with my commitment to creating more positivity. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I carried my journal everywhere I went today, so I could make an immediate written record of the things for which I am grateful. That left nothing up to speculation at the end of a long day.

Christie also reminded me that in addition to keeping a record of three new things for which I am grateful each day, and sharing one positive experience I’ve had in the last 24 hours, I also need to meditate, exercise, and commit a conscious act of kindness. My biggest challenge in that list is the meditation. What tips can someone share with me on how to more effectively meditate? My mind just wants to wander, and I have a hard time sitting still for too long, or I fall asleep (just being honest). I have only two switches: On and Off.

Gratitudes

  1. Electronic flowers from my daughter
  2. Synergistic networking meeting with Leigh Anne
  3. Connecting with real people through Twitter
  4. Hot tea on a cold day
  5. Lunch with Karen
  6. Chocolate-covered strawberries (somehow this made the list twice!)
  7. Oxi Clean (that’s a whole other blog post)
  8. Valentine delivery with a hug from Clark

Positive Experience

Life can be too busy a lot of the time. I suppose I am to blame for that, but when I focus on scaling back, sadly, there always seems to be something else filling the welcome void. Because of this, spending time with those whom I love sometimes feels like my last priority, when I want it to be my first. Just as I finished my great meeting with Leigh Anne, I received a text message from Karen to see if I wanted to meet for lunch. Of course!

Every single time I am with Karen, I come away feeling like the king of the world. During our lunchtime conversation this afternoon I remembered all over again how fortunate and blessed is my life for having Karen in it.

I love our friendship and the numerous ways it continues to enrich my whole world.

Creating Positive: Day 1 of 21

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For those of you just joining us, you may want to start with The Dopamine Challenge.

My Original Happy List

I am not only committed to the 21-day challenge, BUT I am going to share my daily gratitudes and my daily journal here with you! In preparing for this journey, I remembered that many years ago, while living in Russia as a full-time missionary for our church, I was having a hard time. Life wasn’t easy, and to reverse my own downward emotional trend, I started keeping a daily “Happy List.” I continued to add to that list long after I returned from Russia, and it is still one of my most prized possessions in the world – meaning it’s in my top five “grab it if the house is on fire” items.

I bought a new notebook today so I can keep a daily written record of gratitude, or in my case – my Happy List. Once I started making my list, I found it difficult (not like I was trying) to keep myself to just three.You may discover you have similar things that make you happy, or you may have very different kinds of items on your list. I don’t think it matters. This is about what elicits gratitude within you.

  1. Being called a “Renaissance Woman” by my friend AJ.
  2. Getting LOTS of hits to my Dopamine Challenge article!
  3. Finding my missing Happy List from Russia
  4. Impromptu Xanadu singalong with Rachel
  5. Productive networking lunch with Tommy
  6. Playing Muppet Monopoly while singing with the newest Muppet soundtrack
  7. Valentine surprises one day early
  8. Great early morning run
  9. Successful practice with Heather via Skype
  10. Having my whole day turn to positive with just one phone call and a gentle reminder

My younger sister, Rachel, came over this evening, bringing happiness with her. We enjoyed supper, visiting, an impromptu Glee-worthy vocal performance of Suspended in Time (from Xanadu – which should also be on my Happy List), and finished the evening with muffins hot from the oven and a game of Muppet Monopoly. While we were playing the game, we all sang (loudly) the entire soundtrack from the newest Muppet movie: The Muppets.

What were your three new gratitudes from Day One, and what was your positive experience?

 

Dopamine Challenge

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I’m really into happiness. But before I talk more about that, I need for you to do me a favor, and watch this twelve and a half minute TED Talk by Shawn Achor. Once you finish, I’ll discuss dopamine with you.

Amazing, right? I can’t stop thinking about this talk, and its broader implications for me, and for anyone else who cares to join me. Here’s what Shawn said:

It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.

 

Shawn suggested the only way to “change the lens” is by reversing this formula: If I work harder, I’ll be more successful, and if I’m more successful, then I’ll be happier. We need to stop placing our happiness just out of reach.

So how do we permanently raise the positive in our lives? By becoming positive in the present! Shawn recommends the following:

  1. Identify 3 New Gratitudes daily to scan the world for positive, and not negative.
  2. Journal daily about one positive experience you’ve had in the past 24 hours.
  3. Regular exercise teaches your brain that your behavior matters.
  4. Meditation allows us to get over the “cultural ADHD” we’ve been creating by trying to do multiple tasks at once, and by focusing on the task at hand.
  5. Deliberately perform Random or Conscious Acts of Kindness once a day.

Our brains are 31% more productive at positive, than they are at neutral or negative! To create this kind of lasting positive change in our lives, we need to flood our systems with dopamine, which is a natural compound that acts as a neurotransmitter, and when we are positive, dopamine floods our system, generating two reactions:

  1. We are happier
  2. All the learning centers in our brains are ignited, allowing us to adapt to the world differently

Shawn suggests that these retraining exercises, particularly the first two, take just minutes a day, and he says we must be consistent for 21 consecutive days in order for our behaviors to change long-term. So, who’s with me?

My commitment is to start today, and to share my daily journal with each of you for 21 days, in the hopes that you will share your daily journal with me – right here on the website. Let’s create a community of positivity! Who’s with me?

2011 is Over?!

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I’m not entirely sure where this year has gone, since I’m pretty certain it just started, but clearly some time has passed. I am apparently now the mother of an official teenager, and since there’s no need to regale anyone with those tales, we’ll focus on our favorite vacation EVER. No worries because YOU are the beneficiary of our very own . . .

 

Top Recommendations for Orlando:

If you want to sound completely in the know for an upcoming visit to Orlando, or just want to impress friends planning their visit, be sure and take our advice, or don’t. It’s a new year, what do I care? Oh, but if I could ride just one more time. . . .

In addition to Orlando, we also took a long weekend trip to Nashville, Tennessee, to celebrate L’s 13th birthday. The real highlight of that trip (other than having our picture taken with Elvis, of course) was attending a writers’ night at The Bluebird Cafe, where Taylor Swift got her start. L plans to perform some of her own original music there on an open mic night in our future.

Oh, and L was extra cool this year because she grew out her hair and then chopped it all off for Locks of Love.

We can’t wait to see what 2012 has waiting for us, and hope you’ll continue to read along as the adventures continue. Merry! Merry! to you and yours!

p.s. – What’s the greatest number of times you’ve ridden an amusement park ride during the same day visit to that park?

Dominican Spa

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I wrote this essay in December 2009 after I returned from a week of service at an all-boys’ orphanage in the Dominican Republic. My daughter and I are heading back to this same orphanage for Christmas 2010.

Christmas Eve 2009

“We’re going to have a spa for the boys!” an exuberant program director announced.
What does that mean, exactly? Spa – as in manis and pedis? Seriously? You want us to wash their feet? With our hands? Have you seen their feet?

Christmas Eve 2009 was going to be as special for these boys as the impressive Orphanage Outreach team could make it. With a group of dedicated, albeit skeptical, volunteers – anything was possible. Okay. I admit. I was probably the only skeptic in the group. Everyone else seemed really jazzed about the idea of washing and manicuring the feet and hands of 24 orphaned boys in the middle of nowhere, Jaibon, Dominican Republic.

Setup was relatively smooth – rows of white plastic lawn chairs facing each other with plastic trashcans full of soapy water between them, nail clippers and lotion at the ready. On the opposite side of the pavilion – chairs on either side of three tables lined up end to end, adorned with basins of soapy water, nail clippers and, you guessed it – lotion.

The concept: the boys would join us in the pavilion and be ushered to the beginning of either the foot station or the hand station. There were four washing stations per appendage – standing by. As soon as their respective feet and/or hands were washed, they would move down the line to a waiting – and highly trained – pedicurist or manicurist, who would trim their nails. After the nails were cleaned and trimmed, the lotioners were geared up – bring on the feet and hands. Naturally, each boy would have both his feet and his hands done before moving to the waiting area, where back massages were being offered at no additional cost!

The question of the hour had to be answered: Where was I going to position myself for this spa experience? My choice. No pressure. No requirement. No expectation. Almost instinctively, I walked to the nearest chair with a trashcan of soapy water waiting for some dirty feet. Clean toothbrush (aka: toe brush) in hand, I  contemplated my impulsive decision.

It only took the first little boy sitting across from me to get my answer – there was nothing impulsive in my decision at all, but rather inspiration. The moment I placed my hands in the water and touched the bottoms of his feet, my heart filled with such a rush of emotion I knew I would either laugh or cry. Laughter expressed itself freely then, but now – only tears.

Here I was – touching a child – someone else’s child, but mine in that moment. A child abandoned – not touched by his own mother, but so desperately in need of the love only touch can communicate.

A bit of dirt, some soapy water, but a mother’s heart, and I remembered: “Whosoever shall humble himself like one of these children, and receiveth me, ye shall receive in my name. And whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me only, but him that sent me, even the Father” (Mark 9:37).

After a particularly poignant experience in which Jesus washed the feet of his apostles, he taught, “If I then, your Lord Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, the servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him” (John 13:14-16).

Next? I have an available seat across from me.

Creative Genius Redefined?

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What is creative genius? How do you define it? Why do we focus on it as a culture? Do yourself a favor and invest 20 minutes watching Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) discuss her new old approach to creativity.

Thanks to my dear friend, Karen, for sharing this TED Talk with me. But I want to hear your opinions, so be sure and post a comment.

I’ve Got Eleven to Start

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Yesterday my friend Mark Schaefer wrote about his personal eleven secrets to a happy and productive life. I felt so inspired I couldn’t finish my breakfast without scribbling some personal notes and generating my own list. I asked myself: Is there something I do consistently in my life that contributes to my personal happiness and the peace I feel in my heart? Thank you for indulging me by reading something so personal.

Keep a Happy List. One month after I graduated from college, I moved to Rostov, Russia for a year and a half to serve a full-time mission for my church. I was 21, living on the other side of the world, learning a new language, embracing a new culture, and falling in love with the most amazing people. As exciting as that was – I also didn’t know if I’d have running water every night, among other challenges! That’s when the Happy List was born. I challenged myself to take a daily inventory, and write down at least one positive thing from that day before I went to bed. It is truly amazing to me how after all these years, I can still read my original list and feel a surge of happy emotions. What better place to turn on a down day than to your own personal pick-me-up reminder that the sun will come out tomorrow?

Read for fun. Read out loud. Read together. I was the child with the flashlight underneath my pillow, reading into the night when I was supposed to be asleep. Thank you, Mom, for not minding. I want to be sure I continue to challenge my intellect, while giving myself permission to fly with Peter Pan or survive in the Belgian Congo. I love to read Dr. Seuss out loud. Some things are just meant to be heard, not seen. My daughter and I love reading together and I have made it a practice to continue reading to her – even though she is completely capable of reading to herself. And, yes, Lindsay, I know you read at night when you’re supposed to be asleep, but I don’t mind, either.

Adopt a cause and serve with purpose. Years ago I was taught we should serve at our earliest inconvenience. That has always stuck with me. Each of us has certain causes about which we are passionate. Mine happen to revolve around children.

  • I spent the final four months of my pregnancy on bed rest, and because of the March of Dimes, was able to deliver a healthy full-term baby twelve years ago. Not enough are so fortunate. I have been involved on the steering committee for our local March of Dimes Chefs Auction for many years, and this year am chairing the committee.
  • I can honestly say that St Jude’s is a sacred place and full of more hope than I thought possible, and I am grateful for all they share and give back. Lindsay and I collect for their noble cause each year for her birthday.
  • I also was privileged to spend Christmas 2009 in Jaibon, Dominican Republic, volunteering with the wonderful folks of Orphanage Outreach, and look forward to many years of serving others for the holidays.

I truly believe it is through our service to others that we serve God. How else can we possibly thank him for all that he provides us? So I hope my small contributions – whether of time, or talent, or financial support make a difference.

Smile often and laugh lots. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was from a friend I had not seen in many years. His message simply said, “You crossed my mind today and I could hear your laugh and it made me smile.” I want to be sure I communicate joy and happiness whenever possible.

I have my own personal fan club. My support network stretches from Seattle to Wilmington to Salt Lake City to Rostov to Dallas to Niceville to New York City to Toronto and back here to Greensboro, with many points in between. Making a concerted effort to surround myself with friends and family who love and support me is essential. You know who you are, and I love you back.

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least” (Goethe). I was counseled as a teenager to keep my priorities in perspective. I still need to do that. It is easy to get caught up in life and be so busy that I get my priorities out of whack. I take deep breaths, usually get a loving reminder from someone in my fan club – and I’m back on track.

Enjoy being a mother. When I got divorced nine years ago, I made a conscious decision to maintain my status as a mother to my daughter. Many in similar situations try to balance both parental roles so their child will what? Not feel cheated? Nah. I just want to be the best mom I can to my daughter, and we’ll figure out the rest later. Nothing is more precious to me than holding hands with my girl, as I realize how much I have loved every age and every stage and I adore the young woman she is becoming.

Dance. Never ask whether, just where. The answer is always yes.

If you want to take a listen, here is my personal theme song:

She Just Wants to Dance

Respect others and show empathy. I once heard if we could put our trials into a hat and choose back any trial we want; we would always choose our original submissions. People come from all walks of life and from a myriad of circumstances. It is not my place to judge, nor is it my place to assume anything. It is my goal to always treat others the way I want to be treated, and to look through their lenses when mine seem out of focus. So I will continue to seek first to understand, then to be understood. It definitely works better that way.

Listen to my body. I have to listen to what my body tells me. This might mean getting more rest, making changes in my diet, going for a bike ride, or simply sitting outside and breathing deeply – I pay attention to what my body says it needs. When I am in tune with myself – when my heart and my head communicate with one another – is when I am at peace.

Believe in God. Trust. Exercise faith. He has never let me down – left me wondering and questioning at times, yes – but never let me down. I always come back to the core values my parents taught me as a child: God lives. Jesus Christ is my savior. I am a child of God and He loves me. No matter what else comes my way, being grounded in this personal testimony is a constant in my life. Peace, hope and happiness come from this source and I am grateful for this knowledge.

These are my first eleven, but there are more. I can’t wait to hear about yours and perhaps you’ll be inspired to write your own list.


Story

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Recently I had a conversation with a high school student about the movie Alice in Wonderland. We shared a moment discussing the merits of the casting and the plot and how we both highly recommend the film to others. I suggested he might be interested in reading a blog post I wrote after seeing the movie.

Here’s where the conversation got interesting. For me, at least.

He said, “Oh, so you’re a writer?!”

“Ummm. Yeah, I guess you could say that.” I responded with some obvious hesitation.

I froze. How to respond? A writer? Me? Aren’t writers people like Orson Scott Card or Debra Monroe? But me? Not so much. I only write because I have to get these thoughts inside my head outside or all the words and thoughts and ideas tripping and bumping into each other in their frenzy to get to the page keep me awake when I know – I know I should really be asleep.

I decided to reread my own blog post. The very one I recommended to him. In it, I challenged myself to explore my muchness – my personal reservoir of unlimited potential. It occurs to me that I wasn’t following my own advice. In my very hesitation I limited an opportunity to grow myself because of my denial to accept I can be whatever I choose.

Do not let the things that matter most be at the mercy of the things that matter least. Do not squander your time.

While this thought is not an Arminda original – it is one of my life mottos because each of us only has so much time to be and to create the story we want to live.

Yes. I am a writer. And I’m writing my own story because I can.

Muchness

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I couldn’t help but notice all the eyes staring out at me from the big screen last night while watching Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. I’m sure the costumes were spectacular and the set designs impressive, but those eyes. They directed the action, the dialogue, the mannerisms, the message.

Leonardo da Vinci said “The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake.” What is the purpose of our eyes if not to see the world around us? Or the purpose of a dream if not to clarify in sleep what our imaginations so clumsily paint while awake?

During this second visit to Wonderland, Alice sincerely believes she is dreaming and so keeps pinching herself to wake up – only to discover that not only is she not dreaming, but she also hasn’t been seeing things for what they really are, most of all – herself.

Johnny Depp’s magnificent Mad Hatter frankly tells Alice, “You used to be much more…’muchier.’ You’ve lost your muchness.” Ultimately, Alice – like each of us – must choose to either embrace the muchness others see in her (and that is difficult at times to see in ourselves), or to walk away satisfied with the status quo.

Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.
The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

Alice Kingsley: Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad Hatter: That is an excellent practice.

To Alice’s credit – she looks for her muchness and in the process sees herself in ways most of us never even imagine, let alone dream. And then with eyes wide open, but looking inward, she chooses: much.

How often do we limit personal growth because we fail to open our eyes and see the endless possibilities available to us?

I wonder. . . how much muchier can I become? I think I need a good night’s sleep to elucidate my potential.

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