Arminda Lindsay

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Beware of Dog

November 28, 2016 By Arminda

beware-of-dog

In ancient Pompeii homeowners used large intricate tiles in their entryway floor to ward off potential intruders; BEWARE OF DOG signs have been around for ages, it seems. Whether the dog is real is irrelevant; it’s the thought there might be a dog that triggers a fear and an inability to move ahead that the BEWARE OF DOG signs illicit, rendering the signs so effective, thus preventing any perceived negative advances.

I often work with clients who are deeply frustrated with themselves because they’re not achieving their goals and feel anger, anxiety and hold themselves in severe self judgment at how seemingly long it’s taking them to gain any traction toward their next big thing, or each time they attempt a step toward their goal they experience extreme resistance around the very thing they say they want to do.

If this is you, then in my experience you’re completely normal.

Most likely you’ve got a “tile” of thought warning you against proceeding, so every time you come up close to progress you hit internal resistance and hold yourself back.

What’s most interesting is the buried, or competing, thought: you aren’t consciously aware of its existence. Look underneath what you’re not accomplishing to discover your block.

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you succeed, if you do the thing you’re NOT doing?

Too often we have a great plan and a vision and we stay out in that expansive space and get overwhelmed at all that has to happen to realize the vision, so we do nothing. It’s great to have a plan and a vision, but then we must pull it all back to center and see what the one next thing is and do that, rather than thinking the big plan and vision should be complete at conception and then we judge ourselves for not having done it and we create distance from the very thing we think we’re supposed to be doing and creating.

Good grief. That’s exhausting.

My assumption is the judgment and misidentification of yourself is your “tile.”

Who would you be without all those thoughts, without that “tile”?

When you expose the tile, you also expose the thought’s irrelevance. Remember it’s only the thought there might be a dog that prevents an intruder from breaking in. The same is true for you. It’s only the made up thoughts you’re having that are preventing you from moving forward.

Identify and expose your internal competition. Then step out of your own way, stop making up stuff and move forward — one step at a time.

There is no dog.

Filed Under: Weekly Wisdom Tagged With: obstacles, self judgment, success

Factory Default: Wellness

March 4, 2014 By Arminda 2 Comments

Cheeeze

Recently I facilitated a group discussion on the topic of life’s challenges and how we choose the way in which we encounter said obstacles. I made it clear then, and I wish to state loudly in this platform, that life comes complete with some doozies, curve-balls and turns in our paths that we can never anticipate. Not ever. And these are hard things we go through. Each and every one of us. No one is exempt from these experiences. To think otherwise would be naive. Yet even in the midst of the tough times I sometimes find myself questioning the fairness of it all, the rightness versus the wrongness of my situation, as if such variances existed. (They don’t.)

Gratefully, I don’t stay down long, and I would venture to suggest that neither must you.

Last week I happened upon Dr. Amy Johnson, a social psychologist, master certified coach, author and public speaker, and I am extremely grateful to have found such a trove of information and insights.

Dr. Johnson has a philosophy that I am now officially adopting into my vernacular because it explains my own cyclical relationship to difficulty over my lifetime. I’ve always wondered how and/or why it is that I “bounce back” so quickly when something knocks me down and I tended to write it off as “the way I’m wired.”

Here’s what I love: I was right! I AM wired to bounce back AND SO ARE YOU!

Dr. Johnson suggests that our factory default setting is wellness. You didn’t know you had a default setting, did you? Yup. Just like your mobile phone can be reset if something goes awry, so can you with a little bit of effort on your part.

We (the proverbial we) have a tendency to overthink our circumstances or weigh ourselves down with negative thinking or burden ourselves with frenetic self-talk that serves only one purpose: more stress and more negative thinking, which lead to heavier and heavier hearts, which heaviness repels joy.

I am one of the happiest people I know.

I am not always happy.

When I am unhappy or feeling burdened with what might seem the impossible, I do a factory reset and remember to express gratitude for the highs as well as for the lows, and that gratitude provides an undercurrent of peace that runs throughout my life.

Dr. Johnson puts it this way:

  • You are well. Your default nature is peace of mind and clarity. Always. Even when you don’t feel it.
  • When you don’t feel peace of mind and clarity, it’s only because your own personal thinking (inner dialogue, habitual mental chit chat) is in the way.
  • When your thinking settles down, as it always does, you’ll be bounced back to your peace and clarity.

Understanding that we possess this default setting doesn’t preclude us from life’s adversities, but embracing this outlook allows us to get back to our place of emotional wellness that much faster.

Beware your thoughts getting in your own way; they’ll work really hard to be heard, but remember our thinking creates our feelings. Take control of your thoughts and what you believe and you will bounce back to wellness and a state of peace faster than the rug can get pulled out from under you!

Choose you. Choose happy.

Filed Under: Blog, Coaching, Happiness, Writing Tagged With: adversity, Dr. Amy Johnson, expressing gratitude, gratitude, happiness, life challenges, obstacles, overcoming obstacles, wellness

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