Be the Universe

July 11, 2016 By Arminda

Modern-day coliseums are massive structures. They come by their size and design honestly. The Arena in Verona was built in the 1st century. It predates the Colisseum in Rome and is a massive structure that standing inside its walls boggles the mind. While coliseums today are used for a variety of cultural events and places of gathering, ancient times were no different. The most popular — and most expensive — events held at arenas were the gladiator games, which were sponsored by politicians and wealthy aristocrats originally as a religious rite to honor the death of a loved one. The idea that a life for a life allowed for safe passage of the deceased in the underworld and they believed the lives of the slaves used in the gladiator ritual were valued less than that of the life of the loved one who had passed.

Eventually the religious meaning and overtone of the gladiators’ spectacles transitioned into a much more secularized vehicle for securing votes and/or maintaining popularity status among the citizens. In preparation for the games, event staff would cover the floor of the coliseum with sand because sand would absorb feces, urine and blood, all of which were in abundance during said event. The Latin word for sand is harenam and over time this word became synonymous with the structure and today we still use a derivation of the Latin when we refer to an arena.

Roman citizens LOVED everything about the gladiator games: the gore, the blood, the fight to the death, the fascination of death by any means, the spectacle, and the voice they shared in the fighters’ destiny (because if a gladiator requested his life the crowd collectively voiced their opinion and the loudest vote won).

Mob rule. Hysteria. Peer pressure. Ambulance chasing. FIRE! Rubber necking. Popular vote.

Does any of that sound like a modern experience?

I’m sure the ancient Romans loved the games because they didn’t see themselves as participants, only spectators. They had nothing to worry or fear. It was all fun and entertainment for them. And the gladiators? I’m sure they lived in fear for their very lives every single day they were in captivity and in training. It’s noted there were times gladiators took one another’s lives in the barracks where they lived and trained, in the most humane attempt they could access, to preserve themselves from the spectacle of the games and their imminent and horrific deaths once they entered the arena.

Do you ever feel like a Roman citizen with a ticket to a game in your hand, caught up in the energy of the crowd, pulsing with the opinion of the masses, exhilarated to be part of something bigger than yourself, a perfect seat with an excellent view of what’s unfolding in plain sight, but far enough away it can’t possibly touch you or those you love.

And do you sometimes feel like a gladiator, sand strewn at your feet and what training you’ve been given is all you have as you step into the arena each day, engulfed with that feeling of complete and utter aloneness and you can barely squeak out, “Help,” because you are frightened, scared, unsure if you are surrounded by friends or foe.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. — Henry David Thoreau

While visiting the Collisseum’s busy gift shop I lost sight of my eighteen-year-old, which wasn’t a big deal except I wanted to give her the water bottle I’d just purchased for her. Standing next to another choir mom I laughingly said, “I can’t find my daughter!” Immediately a little boy of about 9 or 10 (in full search and support mode) grabbed my hand and said to me, “It’s okay. Tell me exactly what she looks like!” My heart instantly filled with the miracle of love and the access we each have to love no matter where we go, no matter what age or size of person — the universe is always supporting us and providing for us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. And sometimes that support comes in the form of a child leading the way and reminding us that everything is always okay and if it doesn’t feel okay, help is only always a vocalization away.

Speak your truth. Feel your feelings. Ask for what you want and ask for what you need.

Be a listener. Be available. Be a helper. Be a safe space. Be accessible. Be open. Be a light. Be a reminder. Be a friend and a friendly face. Be a hand to hold. Be the help. Be the YES. Be the miracle. Be you. Be love. Be the universe for those around you.

loving you,
arminda

014: Melissa Ford on Service Interview

January 8, 2016 By Arminda

Melissa Ford on Service Interview

The All Arminda Virtual Show

Melissa Ford is remarkable. No, seriously. She’s one of the most amazing women I know, and I know a lot of amazing women. It was such an honor to talk with her about service and to gain clarity around this widely misunderstood behavior and quality.

On the (rather early) morning of our scheduled conversation, the first thing Melissa said to me was

I would only get up this early for Arminda or Santa Claus.

And that is a high praise I’m taking to the bank!

My recommendation is that you listen more than once and really let sink in these refined nuances of what service really means and allow yourself time to identify areas in your world (professional and personal) where you can make some adjustments.

What You Will Discover In This Episode

Widely misunderstood definition of service = means giving and giving and giving with expectation of nothing in return
Lots of expectations built into that model & it drains your energy, makes you small and your business doesn’t grow
This definition doesn’t work, especially when I need clients and money
Operating under this definition creates resentment, manipulation and strategies to get something back
True Definition of Service = Giving/helping/loving fearlessly without attachment to an outcome
Money is part of service.
Can’t serve unless people are willing to pay for your product or service
Nobody values anything if it’s free
Must include yourself in the equation of service
Service and love mean letting go of your ego = that’s true power
Love for a living because love does pay the mortgage
Love expresses itself in many ways; there is not just one version of love

Melissa Ford Bio

Melissa Ford, Business Coach, JD, PCI Certified Coach

As a coach, transformational speaker, entrepreneur and lawyer, Melissa brings deep insights, laser focus and diverse, rich experiences to her clients. For over 20 years she has been empowering people (entrepreneurs, small business owners, executives, parents, individuals) to create positive, permanent change in their lives, enabling her clients to do more and to have more.

You can find Melissa on her website and on Facebook.

Safe Spaces

December 21, 2015 By Arminda

Life (and jobs and assignments and relationships and health and family and college acceptances and the weather and deadlines and cab drivers and uneven sidewalks and flight delays and . . . .) is full of unknowns and “I didn’t see that coming” moments.

Sometimes those life moments are yours to experience and sometimes those life moments are yours to witness. And whether you’re experiencing life from the “is this really happening to me?” seat, or from the observation deck, there are choices you get to make about how you show up.

If you’re in the moment, look for safe spaces (literal and figurative) in your world and be willing to ask for help — even if from complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when you get closer.

If you’re on the observation deck, look for opportunities to be the safe space for others — even for complete strangers, who aren’t so strange when they get closer.

I recently saw a phrase that struck me profoundly:

If the path ahead of you seems clear, you’re not on your path.

Each of us is progressing at our own pace, doing the best we can with what we have, and when those moments happen — either to you or in front of you — choose to connect with others and not to go it alone or to leave others alone while they are in their own moments.

We are together here on this planet for a reason; connecting illuminates our similarities, strengths and our natural ability to love one another, no matter what.

Ask for help. Connect. Serve. Love.

Look for and be a safe space wherever you are on your journey.

My gratitude to Eddy and John of Boston Fire Department Engine 8 for being just such a safe space for me.

Service or Self-Sacrifice?

November 18, 2015 By Arminda

So often we think we’re serving, when in reality we’re caught in the middle of self-sacrifice and become disgruntled because of the very acts of “service” we’re rendering. Isn’t service a good thing? How can you tell the difference between the two?

Give Don’t Take

September 4, 2015 By Arminda

“How do I increase my sales?” Who hasn’t asked this question at least once? Whether you’re in a sales-specific career or need to increase your customer base for the service you provide, this video will be helpful.

Learn the down and dirty trick that no one teaches.

Happy People Help

August 21, 2014 By Arminda 4 Comments

Unless you live under a rock, you don’t have to look very far before the realities of the suffering of so many around the world crosses your path in some form or another. Whether you’re following the current stories of the Ebola breakout in West Africa, the oxymoronic war for peace in Gaza, or the siege being staged on Ukrainian soil, there is much for us to understand politically, economically, religiously, culturally and ethically before we can then process all of it through our own lens of humanity. The world can feel downright overwhelming — and those are just a few examples on the global front. We haven’t even touched domestic issues. And we won’t. Not here. This isn’t a political post. Not by any stretch.

It’s easy to get caught up in universal suffering, though, isn’t it? To forget to remember that behind all those bazillion stories all bleeding together into one giant cesspool that there are individual people, families, lovers, musicians, students, children, employers, puppies, goldfish bowls and dreamers living amongst the chaos we call being human. (Please check out the remarkable work of photographer Brandon Stanton, who puts faces and stories and life together in one accessibly beautiful package.)

And when we are guilty of being in “that forget about it place,” we are depressed for others’ plight, sad for the suffering, worried about the future, focused on how unfair the world is, and we feel trapped and so we do nothing, and likely move on with our normal activity, relieved it has nothing to do with us and grateful it isn’t us on the other side of the story.

But our lives aren’t all lemons or lollipops. Despair or exhilaration. Misery, just like happiness, is a choice. And while bad and horrible things do happen, our response to them is a choice.

When I was a little girl I loved singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and coming up with all sorts of crazy actions to insert at the chorus line to show how happy I was.

There’s a simple message here: happiness begets action!

We can DO SOMETHING to benefit others when they are suffering. We can DO SOMETHING when we, ourselves, are hurting. We can DO SOMETHING to express on the outside the joy we feel on the inside because we know that happiness is never a destination in life; it is the way to live from the inside out. And rather than become bogged down and depressed by life, allow your happiness to positively impact others.

Steve Chandler, my remarkable coach, puts it this way in his book Time Warrior:

Happy people help more people than “concerned,” “caring,” “sensitive” people who over-emphasize “feeling empathy” instead of actually rolling up their sleeves, getting their hands dirty and helping.

Recently our social media news-feeds were bombarded with videos of friends, colleagues and celebrities dousing themselves with buckets of ice water to raise awareness and money for the non-profit ALS Association. While seeing others get startling wet is entertaining, this campaign is a wonderful reminder to choose action over passivity. Don’t get wet to simply have fun and be part of a worldwide water game. Choose to get wet because you choose to make a difference.

Maybe ALS isn’t your thing and it’s not a cause you want to support. Maybe there’s another cause that calls to you more loudly. Answer it. Create it. Choose it. Be about the business of DOING, rather than sorrowing.

Let this year’s #IceBucketChallenge be your personal call to action to share the happiness inside of you, to get outside of your own perceived suffering and to remember that happiness begets action and when we act we impact life.

But only every time.

Choose you. Choose happy.