Arminda Lindsay

Being On Purpose

Creating Positive: Day 21 of 21

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When I was six years old, my parents gave me a copy of Holly Hobbie’s Cookbook for Christmas, and I knew I was destined to be the greatest chef in the world. I probably missed my calling by not attending culinary school, but this cookbook maintains a place of honor on my shelf, and there are two beloved recipes my entire family still uses from this well-worn, kitchen-stained resource. Tonight, as I pulled down the book to follow the cornbread recipe, it occurred to me that some things just get better with time, the more we practice them. Even though we have a recipe, or formula (whether it’s for cornbread or happiness), it still takes time to get our measurements just right. And what works for one person, may need a bit of tweaking for the next. I guarantee that the cornbread you eat at my house won’t taste anything like the cornbread my mother makes, even though, technically, we use the same recipe.

With respect to the Dopamine Challenge we’ve shared here together for the past 21 days, keep tweaking the formula. We all started by watching the same TED Talk by Shawn Achor, and we were given the same information and the same formula, but now it’s up to you to make it your own. Refine your methods and habits over time, and your definition of happiness will be exactly what you need for it to be. I can’t wait to hear your stories.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Conviction
  2. Guiding principles
  3. Early signs of spring
  4. Claire & the Reverence Butterfly
  5. Skyping with family
  6. Vince’s 100 million thousand saved kisses
  7. Poetry reading on a Sunday afternoon
  8. Holly Hobbie’s Cookbook – 1979 Christmas gift
  9. Giggles between my daughter & her best friend

Positive Experience

Claire is three, and sitting still is always a challenge, but to have succeeded is a personal victory to be celebrated. Please remember that as you read the following story.

At the conclusion of primary (children’s dedicated program and classes at church), all the children between the ages of three and eleven were gathered together with their class teachers, everyone sitting in their assigned rows, anxiously awaiting the closing song and prayer that would dismiss them to find their parents and returning home.

 

Uncharacteristically quiet, Claire sat on the front row with her hands folded in her lap. Bobbijean, in her role as the primary president, took a minute to publicly praise one particular primary member, who was sitting so reverently and quietly, that all the children should observe her piety. To show her appreciation for this young primary participant, Bobbijean gifted to Claire a butterfly made out of tissue paper.

Instantaneously, Claire leaped from her front row seat with screams of delight, clutching the butterfly by its attached string, and streaking around the primary room squealed with joy and amusement, to the sheer entertainment of the entire room, and the immediate dispersion of any reverence that may have been hovering prior to Bobbijean’s announcement. Claire ran from the primary room in search of a longer runway for her yet-to-be-airborne butterfly, and it took no fewer than three adults to corral her back to her class, although they were unsuccessful in their attempts. Claire and her Reverence Butterfly were free at last.

Creating Positive: Day 20 of 21

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There is something so personally gratifying about checking off items on a list. My weekend lists are always longer than I have the time to complete them, but a great effort is at least put forth. My personal favorite is when I can actually remove items from my house, and relocate them somewhere else. We (and I’m including all of you, too) possess an excess of stuff. I love going through the stuff, and pulling out items we no longer need, want, or use, and donating all of it. Two bags of clothing, and one box of dishes all found their way to new homes this afternoon, freeing up my cupboards and closets to welcome in the next round of occupants.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Conversation with Melanie
  2. “Free Time” to complete necessary tasks
  3. Challenges
  4. iMessage
  5. “Sleeping on it”
  6. Christie
  7. Gentle nudges from friends

Positive Experience

Christie, who is separated from me by three time zones, sent me a message as soon as she woke up this morning, demanding to know, “So, where’s today’s post, woman?!” My suggestion that she wait for it didn’t go over well with her because, apparently, she “missed [her] morning read” since my post wasn’t available first thing, and getting out of bed without it didn’t seem to be a viable option. She explained, “It’s part of my morning routine. I wake up, open my email, and read your post. Then I get out of bed.” Not willing to be the reason someone so dear to me couldn’t function, I immediately sat down to write out my penance, in the hopes that Christie’s day would instantly improve.

As we near the end of the 21 day challenge, I continue to be amazed at the far-reaching impact of this simple exercise, and for me, hearing from Christie this morning truly made my day. Thank you to each of you for continuing to read, to write to me, and to share with me how this challenge is impacting your life. I know all of our readers would love to hear about your experiences, so if you’re able and willing, please share some of your thoughts in the comment section.

Creating Positive: Day 18 of 21

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Without sufficient rest I am Grumpy and Oscar the Grouch combined, and if you don’t believe me I have several people who will validate my claim. Sleep is underrated by most people, but never by me. If necessary, I could list “good sleeper” as a qualification on my resume. My daughter has always (with the exception of her earliest years when she had to eat during the night) understood that unless she is bleeding or vomiting, my sleep is not to be interrupted. And (partial confession), there was even one time when she actually met the latter qualification, and I still didn’t really wake up, but that’s another story for another time.

Razor, the Caped Crusader, has decided he has business outside the past seven days between 2:30-3:00 in the morning. At least he’s punctual. And, as it turns out, Razor does not listen to reason from this half-crazed sleeping being, who does NOT want to get up, grab my Fitbit (because John cannot beat me in steps, and even in the middle of the night I have my priorities), put on my shoes, get the flashlight and a bag, zip up my coat, and go outside!

All I’m suggesting is that in my effort to have a more positive outlook on everything, I am grateful I can go back to bed and fall asleep instantly, as if Razor’s biological break was just a bad dream.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. 80 degrees on March 1st
  2. Have I mentioned sunshine?
  3. I never go hungry
  4. My home office
  5. New business deals
  6. Movie quoting in real life
  7. Rachel
  8. Conscious thought
  9. Setting intentions
  10. 30 Day Photo Challenge
  11. Open spaces
  12. Sharing milestones with my daughter

Positive Experience

My daughter has been eyeing jean jackets for months, not-so-secretly hoping I’ll notice how much she wants one, and what a difference to her wardrobe possessing and wearing one will make. The price tags stagger me: $60.00, $45.00, $132.00! Are you kidding me? We’re talking about a jacket made out of denim, which up until the 1970s wasn’t even considered general fashion!

But I digress. Hannah is the one who sparked the idea, and Jessi Arrington’s TED Talk I watched last March inspires me. Tonight, L and I went to our neighborhood Goodwill store with one intention: to find a jean jacket. I’ll frame this experience by telling you I can NEVER find anything in a Goodwill store. I get that they sort things according to color, but that doesn’t really help me.

We walked into the store, and straight to a rack that had a jacket on it – and it was her size! We scoured the other racks, and found three more jackets. After trying on all four jackets, L determined she preferred the very first one she found, and it was that easy! And my final price tag? $5.34!

 

Creating Positive: Day 17 of 21

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Christian reached out to me this afternoon to let me know that he’s been enjoying the Dopamine Challenge so much, he invited his four siblings to read along and participate, as well! Cheryl decided to begin a photography challenge centered around setting an intention, and then sharing a photo a day for 30 days. Because the point is, you can do anything for 30 days, right? What are you doing differently because of the positive you created today?

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Lena: the amazing research queen
  2. My home
  3. Granola
  4. The higher road
  5. Changing into the mom
  6. Power naps
  7. Empowerment
  8. Other people’s ideas
  9. The lure of a road-trip
  10. Flashlights
  11. www.reuseit.com

Positive Experience

My day wasn’t horrible. Nothing awful happened. I just had a day. I met with one potential client first thing this morning, and then spent the rest of my working hours at my desk, systematically checking off the items populating my never-ending list of calls and emails. Admittedly, my energy was low and I wasn’t terribly excited at the prospect of a day spent in front of my computer. And then, 5:00 arrived, as if late for an important engagement, and I acknowledged its arrival by changing my clothes. Yes, that’s right. I stepped out of my skirt, pulled off the pantyhose, unbuttoned my blouse, and put on a pair of well-worn jeans, socks that reach my knees, and a comfortable pullover, and walked out the door dressed as my alter-ego: the Mom.

While waiting for my daughter, I began reading a book Julie loaned to me: The Dumbest Generation, by Mark Bauerlein, and my mind started to expand. Shifting my brain’s attention to something not related to work brought a renewed sense of energy to my entire system. By the time my daughter was finished, I had completed my transformation into her mother, and with gratitude enjoyed our evening as we prepared supper, sat down together at the table, shared conversation, and then a cup of tea, while we discussed my daughter’s day, and our plans together for this weekend.

Just because I am focused on the positive around me doesn’t mean there won’t be difficult days, tough situations, or neutral times (like today). My greatest sources of joy and gratitude, as I rediscover daily, are my family, friends, and loved ones. Work is just that: work, but the relationships we cultivate and the energy we invest in the those whom we love are where our true measures of love and gratitude emerge to enrich and bless our lives. For the opportunity to be a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a friend, I am eternally grateful.

Creating Positive: Day 16 of 21

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Plaque, gingivitis, cavities, drills, scraping, flossing: these words haunt me every six months when it’s time for another visit to my dentist. Seriously? Wasn’t I just there? Is it really that important? I can literally create a list of 100 places I would rather be than sitting in that chair, with a bib tied around my neck, and my teeth so exposed. I literally cringe when the dentist walks into the room to examine the hygienist’s handiwork (the cleanliness of my mouth). I don’t do well with bad grades, and if I get a poor mark on my record, I don’t think I can handle the shame of knowing I’m just not that strong of a flosser yet. I don’t know if it’s because of the Dopamine Challenge, or if I’m simply more mature since my last checkup? Nah. I’m sure it’s the Dopamine Challenge! Anyway, I checked off meditating while I was in the chair, and didn’t even have a tummy ache from being too tense when it was all over. And my dental report card today: Beautiful teeth. Still no cavities. And remember, flossing is your friend!

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Hearing my nephews sing
  2. Family dog pile first thing in the morning
  3. No cavities
  4. Connecting with our clients
  5. Positive results from action plans
  6. Running
  7. Kind & generous offer of time from a friend
  8. Returned phone calls

Positive Experience

We work with a wide variety of clients and companies, helping their leadership teams grow stronger together, while providing individual managers the tools they need to be effective leaders within an ever-changing business environment. While it’s important for us to provide appropriate guidance and feedback when in a training environment, it’s equally important to provide experiences that are memorable. Today we facilitated an exercise that required a highly-interactive ball toss between the entire leadership team, and resulted in their discussion of some obvious parallels to what we as leaders experience daily. I enjoyed observing the exercise, and loved the conversation that followed. Seeing firsthand the impact of our programs for this client put a smile on my face.

Creating Positive: Day 14 of 21

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Growing up, my mother baked a lot of cakes. There were eight of us kids, plus a menagerie of assorted pets, and my dad, and we all had reasons to celebrate. Three cakes were regularly requested: 1) yellow sheet cake with either chocolate frosting (me), or with cherry topping (Dad), or 2) red velvet cake, which was oftentimes green, depending on whose request it was (Andy), or 3) Wacky Cake (Nathan).

And lest you think otherwise, all of the cakes and their various toppings were homemade, no mixes or cans were used in the making or the baking process. (Mom tried to switch it up on me a few years ago with  my annual yellow cake with chocolate frosting, but hopefully she learned I cannot be bought with a cake mix birthday.)

Tonight, I baked Mom’s red velvet cake, complete with her frosting recipe, and I’m going to go ahead and claim victory on this baking project (which required three separate siftings of the dry ingredients, 15 minutes of batter mixing, and 10 minutes of icing mixing – thank goodness I had sous chefs helping me!), and relish in that fact, while expressing public gratitude for the countless cakes my mother baked – I’m guessing out of sheer love for her happy eaters, because boy, was that ever a lot of work!

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Sharing our pew with family
  2. Seeing old friends
  3. Cooking
  4. Meditating in the woods
  5. Hot water whenever I want it
  6. Baking a successful version of Mom’s Red Velvet Cake

Positive Experience

As soon as she arrived in “our pew” this morning, Claire came running to me, and jumped up for a big squeeze and a kiss, murmuring against my cheeks, “I missed you!” Sundays are always a delight to share with this sweet niece, whose Sunday service hour is wiled away on my lap, coloring, opening every app on any iDevice she can hold without detection, or having her legs, arms, back, or belly rubbed – and in just the right way or I will hear about it. Today, Claire learned how to operate the iPod camera, and took numerous shots of the ceiling, but I’m rather partial to this one.

Creating Positive: Day 13 of 21

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The trouble now is deciding which daily positive experience to share in this medium! I start out thinking it’s going to be one thing, and then it turns into a completely different moment from my day. I’m grateful for this challenge! And speaking of challenges, how’s the Dopamine Challenge treating you? What has been a particularly memorable experience for you so far?

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Sleeping late
  2. The helpfulness of Apple employees
  3. Crying (again) when Dobby dies
  4. Making my own naan!
  5. Movie candy at home
  6. Avatar cartoon series
  7. Clean Sheet Day

Positive Experience

I well remember the day I was first introduced to Harry Potter. It seemed obvious to me that any book(s) that were grabbing the interest of so many young people across the globe had to be worth at least a cursory glance from me. But like the others before me, there was no turning back once I read:

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that  you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Deputy Headmistress

 

My daughter and I have been experiencing the story differently this time (who’s counting how many times and ways we’ve read them?) by listening our way through the audio version of all seven books, and we are now halfway through the final book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Dobby just died again, and again I am overcome with tears. Driving through town, my daughter sitting next to me just as affected as me, but perhaps not as willing to show it, I allow my emotions to roll shamelessly onto my shirt, and I am grateful in this moment for the power of words, the capability of story, and my shared love of literature with this beautiful young woman to whom I’ve been reading out loud since before her ears were formed in my belly.

Creating Positive: Day 12 of 21

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I’m always glad when Friday arrives, but in a desperate sort of way. It’s as if the day has snuck up on me, and didn’t tell me it was coming so soon, which means I haven’t had time to put out the guest towels yet. Maybe that’s just me. Either way – the Dopamine Challenge is still providing me plenty of opportunities to wear my rose-colored glasses as I move through the variety of experiences I call my life.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – nope
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Procedures that allow me to work efficiently
  2. Public Radio
  3. Inspiration that comes from others’ successes
  4. Participating as an audience member in a live broadcast of The State of Things
  5. Chopsticks

Positive Experience

Arminda & Peter with Dr. Nido Qubein

We were privileged this afternoon to participate as audience members in a live broadcast of WUNC’s The State of Things, a live public radio program produced locally, and one of my favorite shows. Today’s guest was Dr. Nido Qubein, and if you’re unfamiliar with his story, I encourage you to click here to learn more about him. I’ve been a big fan of Nido for as many years as I have lived in North Carolina, and always enjoy hearing him speak publicly. He is charming and inspirational. I took notes, and here were just a few standout items:

  • With a clear vision, solid strategy, and good communication, amazing things can happen
  • When you have a great idea & can sell it to someone else (buy-in), the world can change
  • I want to shift my perspective from success to significance
  • The world changes by lighting one candle (person) at a time
  • The best way to prove yourself is to lose yourself in a cause
  • Anytime you have an idea, someone else will resist you based on their own frame of reference
  • We are each a product of the people we know and the books we’ve read
  • Dare to be an individual; do it your way

My notes were about what impacted me in the moment, although I want to listen again to everything that was said. Dr. Qubein’s life outlook is very much in line with our own 21-day challenge to shift our own spheres of happiness, and as we do, then just as Dr. Qubein suggested, we can change the world!

Creating Positive: Day 11 of 21

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We are at the Dopamine Challenge halfway mark today! I haven’t heard from many of you in a while, so how’s it going? This morning I realized that by tracking my gratitudes each day, I am always looking for the positive perspective to every situation. And as I re-frame the world around me, the world around me starts to shift on its own. I’m starting to slow down more, take in my surroundings, and really focus on being present. I like the way it feels. There’s not the same sense of urgency to check off so many things on my list, as there is a peace of mind that comes from knowing I did what needed to be done, and appreciated my experiences throughout the day.

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – done
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. 72 degrees in February
  2. Reconnecting with Lavonne over oatmeal
  3. Feeling compassion for another person
  4. peanut butter
  5. Nathan commenting on my page
  6. Sweet email from Jamie
  7. “Who is missing right here?” with Clark
  8. An evening at home
  9. A new apron from Lavonne
  10. Reminder to journal the journey
  11. Having all the ingredients in my kitchen to make what I want
  12. Bobbijean’s reminder that time with our children isn’t about “taking a turn”
  13. Courage

Positive Experience

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Today I was courageous in the face of my past. Today I confronted a bully. Today I stood up for what is right. Today I defined appropriate. Today I remained calm. Today I was in control. Today I made the rules. Today I spoke my truth. Today I wasn’t afraid any more. Today I did something that no longer scares me.

Ms. Roosevelt, with all due respect, today I didn’t listen.

Creating Positive: Day 10 of 21

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I have had such a great response, both on and offline, to the Dopamine Challenge! It’s so gratifying to hear from many of you about the daily journals you’re keeping of your gratitudes, and that you’re noticing changes. For some of you, the changes are significant, and for others, incremental. For many of you, committing to all five of the requirements is extremely difficult. Pick one and start there. If you can, at the very least, focus on the positives, then after twenty-one days you’ll be in that habit, and can add the next item. Go twenty-one days, and add another, and so on. You’ll be on the 105-Day Plan! No worries. And for those of you just now finding us, jump on in and get started! Your 21 days can begin today. Let us know how it’s going!

The Other Three

  1. Exercise – done
  2. Meditate – nope
  3. Kindness – done

Gratitudes

  1. Productive lunch meeting with a client
  2. Being a resource for my client
  3. Getting contacted to film some commercials
  4. Sunshine
  5. Leftovers
  6. Lots of positive feedback on the Dopamine Challenge
  7. Arriving on-time all day long
  8. Razor slept through the night
  9. Peter’s responsiveness
  10. Honesty

Positive Experience

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I am in love with a boy named Clark. If you want to know more, you’re welcome to read about a particularly memorable walk we took together.

This afternoon I parked my car and stepped onto the sidewalk when Clark, who was outside playing, noticed I was home, and came barreling toward me the way only a 2 1/2 year old can (barely keeping his balance and never in a straight line). My bags were on the ground just before Clark leapt into my arms, wrapped his arms around my neck, smooched me, and said, “Hi, Mimi!” How could life possibly be sweeter than that?

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